[naimalove]

Hi everyone, my first post I think <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/duck.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Duck">:<br><br>
Hope this is the right place, I was trying to decide between here and the toddler forum.<br><br>
My DD will be 2 in three weeks, and recently her caregiver/aunt has been looking to me to discipline my daughter for certain things after the fact (at least I think that is what she is insinuating).<br><br>
For instance, DD picked up the word "shutup" a few months ago, I think from her teenage cousins. I successfully got her to stop telling that to us (mom/dad) at least a few weeks after it started. But yesterday her aunt tells me that DD has been still saying it to her. And she looks at me like, "so what are you going to do about it."<br><br>
We have had these types of conversations a few times now. I tried to give her advice about what <i>we</i> do at home for things like this. But other than explaining again and again to DD why she is not allowed to say shutup (which I have done) I don't feel comfortable specifically punishing (time-outs) for things that happened hours ago. I feel like my daughter would not understand why she had to sit on her T.O.-step at 6pm for something she said at 2pm. She's too young to make that connection!<br><br>
Am I wrong in thinking this? What more can I do about encouraging good behavior when she is away from me?<br><br>
TIA for any advice...

 

[Shaki]

As the mommy of a 17 month old DD I'm not yet experienced enough to answer your whole question. But I can say that it sounds like sharing strategies for dealing with it in the moment, with the aunt/caregiver is a good idea. Have you said to her directly "this is what you should do when DD say's 'shut up'?" That's a little bit different than saying "what we do is xyz." Kwim? Sometimes people don't understand what you're telling them unless you are very direct and specific.<br><br>
I agree that a time out after the fact is pointless. And as you start to do further reading on this forum you might come to decide that time outs in general are pointless (or you might not...there's a wide range of opinion on that topic here).<br><br>
If the aunt is trying to get you to promise to give your DD a timeout you can just say something like "We think it's most effective to deal with the issue when it's happening NOT after the fact." And then reassure her that you are working on it with your DD.<br><br>
Hooe that's of some help. There are lots of wise Mamas on this board who will probably have some great ideas for you. Welcome.

 

[naimalove]

Thanks for your reply Shaki. I have to agree with what you mentioned about timeouts. I'm beginning to feel it is ineffective, mainly because she gets very angry and upset (I suppose its because she knows its a punishment) and I do fear it could be more harmful than helpful (although they did work for "shutup").<br><br>
I guess I will just continue giving suggestions to DDs aunt...

 

[chfriend]

What is your dd's aunt's discipline approach? How often does she care for her?<br><br>
Have you tried saying something like "Yeah, I hate when she does that too. I wonder what she'll do when she outgrows this!"<br><br>
Your dd is going to grow through so many developmental phases, each with it's own joys and challenges. Is her aunt excited about that? Can she really enjoy the wonderfulness of a one year old? Can you help her see the incredible person your little one is if she's missing it?