i hesitate to continue; occassionally i feel like sharing here but i get just as much from reading your stories, and leave with my feelings soothed without having to vent!
but here is my story, similar to what so many of you are going through. it's an age old tale, isn't it?
my dh & i have 3 great kids and ten years behind us. we are happy most of the time, but something sets off that delicate balance.
we were all supposed to go to a food show but at the last minute found out i couldnt bring my 2 yo dd so he went with girl# 1&2 from work(both of who wanted to party) they went and took longer than nessecary and came back with tales of their waitering contest exploits, free samples, etc.
girl # 1 calls in sick for work the next day so dh has to get up and work(our restaurant);
he's like oh she must have my cold and she was getting sick etc; then the next night i find out how drunk they were, testing 'products', etc.... so now i'm mad because he lied, he must have known she was hungover, i overheard him say he saw her down so much tequila etc!!!
so he says he didnt mislead me and i'm a jealous selfish b*tch... and he had to go and what could he do?
the thing is he always ends up spending more time with other ppl than us, his family, always has time for other things... this has just been accumulating all these years. i can count on one hand the number of times we have gone out together and i have lost track of how often he goes out without me. i am always trapped at home with the kids and he has all the freedom.
i am just so tired of it. i know i need to get more of my own life, how do i do that?? dd is almost three and both boys are on school all day. she's finally weaned and i just got a car so i have a little more freedom.... but where do i start? i am not a socailly outgoing person, and we never have extra money(i am trying to even get $ for dd to go to gynmnastics & she's not good with babysitters)). i do have a few 'friends'(no family out here)
but they are all as busy as me. there never seems to be extra time; if i keep up with my chores(and this house is stilll a mess but the dishes get done!) all i have energy for is watching tv.
so, the possibility exsists i am just a b*tch; which brings me to my next question. i am considering asking my dr to put me on drugs. he just tested me for anemia because i am so tired all the time. i think i might be depressed. i hear positive stories in here about anti depressants. but maybe this is just pms or completely (un)founded anger?
i'm willing to try anything. i am sick of feeling this way. i am not jealous, i am better looking than any of these young girls(ok they have nicer bodies though!) and i am the mother of his kids. but we do have trust issues. i know how he is. i resent that he parties and takes all his social interaction for granted and just comes home when he wants something. i want him to do more with the kids especially, even if i do get my own life and dont need him as much.
the thing is he is my best friend and i like to be with him. it hurts he doesn't seem to feel the same.
i am just worn out and don't know what to do next! we tried counselling once and it really did nothing for us. i try talking to him but he doesnt want to hear it.
so is he right, am i way off base for being upset?
& i dont even like to take tylenol, should i be trying other drugs??
i am so alone!!! and on the verge of tears often(i lost my mom this spring too). i walk around depressed and have little patience these days. he seems indifferent, is sweet to me(kisses butt even!), wants a kiss which i barely want to give; and still, he doesnt want to talk about it. so will i just go on being a bitch to him till he does cheat on me? i am aware of the irony. but how can i change this feeling?
thank you for your opinions and any support.
but here is my story, similar to what so many of you are going through. it's an age old tale, isn't it?
my dh & i have 3 great kids and ten years behind us. we are happy most of the time, but something sets off that delicate balance.
we were all supposed to go to a food show but at the last minute found out i couldnt bring my 2 yo dd so he went with girl# 1&2 from work(both of who wanted to party) they went and took longer than nessecary and came back with tales of their waitering contest exploits, free samples, etc.
girl # 1 calls in sick for work the next day so dh has to get up and work(our restaurant);
he's like oh she must have my cold and she was getting sick etc; then the next night i find out how drunk they were, testing 'products', etc.... so now i'm mad because he lied, he must have known she was hungover, i overheard him say he saw her down so much tequila etc!!!
so he says he didnt mislead me and i'm a jealous selfish b*tch... and he had to go and what could he do?
the thing is he always ends up spending more time with other ppl than us, his family, always has time for other things... this has just been accumulating all these years. i can count on one hand the number of times we have gone out together and i have lost track of how often he goes out without me. i am always trapped at home with the kids and he has all the freedom.
i am just so tired of it. i know i need to get more of my own life, how do i do that?? dd is almost three and both boys are on school all day. she's finally weaned and i just got a car so i have a little more freedom.... but where do i start? i am not a socailly outgoing person, and we never have extra money(i am trying to even get $ for dd to go to gynmnastics & she's not good with babysitters)). i do have a few 'friends'(no family out here)
but they are all as busy as me. there never seems to be extra time; if i keep up with my chores(and this house is stilll a mess but the dishes get done!) all i have energy for is watching tv.
so, the possibility exsists i am just a b*tch; which brings me to my next question. i am considering asking my dr to put me on drugs. he just tested me for anemia because i am so tired all the time. i think i might be depressed. i hear positive stories in here about anti depressants. but maybe this is just pms or completely (un)founded anger?
i'm willing to try anything. i am sick of feeling this way. i am not jealous, i am better looking than any of these young girls(ok they have nicer bodies though!) and i am the mother of his kids. but we do have trust issues. i know how he is. i resent that he parties and takes all his social interaction for granted and just comes home when he wants something. i want him to do more with the kids especially, even if i do get my own life and dont need him as much.
the thing is he is my best friend and i like to be with him. it hurts he doesn't seem to feel the same.
i am just worn out and don't know what to do next! we tried counselling once and it really did nothing for us. i try talking to him but he doesnt want to hear it.
so is he right, am i way off base for being upset?
& i dont even like to take tylenol, should i be trying other drugs??
i am so alone!!! and on the verge of tears often(i lost my mom this spring too). i walk around depressed and have little patience these days. he seems indifferent, is sweet to me(kisses butt even!), wants a kiss which i barely want to give; and still, he doesnt want to talk about it. so will i just go on being a bitch to him till he does cheat on me? i am aware of the irony. but how can i change this feeling?
thank you for your opinions and any support.
