Do 3 year-olds need preschool?
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hi, parismaman
i read your other post about the ballet class and no i don't think you're a bad mom nor do i think that a kid needs to be in preschool. some do well, but i think my dd (2.5) would hate it, especially if i wasn't there with her. i have a friend with a little boy 2 weeks older and he's going to a really nice parent coop preschool this year and the report is he loves it, but their personalities are pretty different. i think listening to your child is the important thing.
i realize my dd is a little younger than yours, but as for what we do during the week, we have one regular playgroup and another one we often go to. we've been invited to a parent-tot preschool/homeschool type thing, but it's hard for us to make the time (we're late risers), so we usually miss that. frankly, the other moms (all of whom i like) are going a little more structured than i'm interested in, though i do think it's a great idea. i just sorta feel like i don't need my dd in a whole bunch of structured activities at this age. she'll have the rest of her life to watch the clock. i think she's starting to really enjoy the other kids and would like doing some more organized stuff with them like singing songs together and playing ring around the rosie, but there's no reason we can't do that stuff at a playgroup, too.
also in the back of my mind there's the fact that I didn't go to preschool, just half-day private kindergarten when i was 5 the year before starting public school. i have fond memories of kindergarten and the years prior to that of no school. i might have fond memories of preschool if i had been, but it just doesn't feel right for dd right now. maybe next year when my dd is your dd's age i'll be singing a different tune, but i dunno...
hth
i read your other post about the ballet class and no i don't think you're a bad mom nor do i think that a kid needs to be in preschool. some do well, but i think my dd (2.5) would hate it, especially if i wasn't there with her. i have a friend with a little boy 2 weeks older and he's going to a really nice parent coop preschool this year and the report is he loves it, but their personalities are pretty different. i think listening to your child is the important thing.
i realize my dd is a little younger than yours, but as for what we do during the week, we have one regular playgroup and another one we often go to. we've been invited to a parent-tot preschool/homeschool type thing, but it's hard for us to make the time (we're late risers), so we usually miss that. frankly, the other moms (all of whom i like) are going a little more structured than i'm interested in, though i do think it's a great idea. i just sorta feel like i don't need my dd in a whole bunch of structured activities at this age. she'll have the rest of her life to watch the clock. i think she's starting to really enjoy the other kids and would like doing some more organized stuff with them like singing songs together and playing ring around the rosie, but there's no reason we can't do that stuff at a playgroup, too.
also in the back of my mind there's the fact that I didn't go to preschool, just half-day private kindergarten when i was 5 the year before starting public school. i have fond memories of kindergarten and the years prior to that of no school. i might have fond memories of preschool if i had been, but it just doesn't feel right for dd right now. maybe next year when my dd is your dd's age i'll be singing a different tune, but i dunno...
hth
I couldn't respond to the poll because I think that some children benefit from preschool and some do not. My older child "needed" something when he was 3 yo and preschool was the simplest way to meet his need. My younger child is now 3 yo and there is no way on earth he could deal with preschool right now, much less benefit from it.
It depends on the kiddo.
It depends on the kiddo.
I do not think young children need preschool. I am a second grade teacher, and in my six years of teaching this grade, I have not seen any noteworthy difference (socially or academically) between those who went and those who did not. That said, I do send my 3 year old to school 5 days a week, for three hours each day. Part of the reason is a personal issue: as a mom who works outside the home full time and relies solely on Grandma for childcare, I felt I needed to build a break into my mom's schedule for her. She watches him from 7:30 until 5 each day, and since he doesn't nap or watch TV during the day, there is no rest for my poor mom unless he goes somewhere for part of the day. He absolutely LOVES it, even wants to go on weekends and holidays! He is one of those kids who's a "street angel/house devil" and does wonderfully at school, listening to his teachers and following directions. He even willingly tries new activities at scool, but never at home. At home, he can be somewhat of a defiant terror. So, I think it is also good for him to be someplace where he gets to experience what it's like to be a "good kid." I am glad about my decision to start him in school last month, but if you feel your daugther is fine without it and doesn't stand much to gain from that particular experience, I'd say skip it.
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I don't think preschool is necessary, definitely not NEEDED, but I understand why so many people send their children to preschool. I strongly believe, though, that preschool (and daycare in general) can actually be bad for a child's well-being if the child isn't thriving and wants to be home instead.
My daughter (now 6yrs) lasted 2 days in preschool when she was 3. I disagreed with the teacher's philosophy that she would be better off if I left her while she cried and begged for me to stay, so I pulled her out and kept her home with me. I was fortunate enough to be able to afford to stay home with her until she started kindergarten. The only reason I sent her in the first place was because of society's pressure, but like many other things (like breastfeeding, co-sleeping, and eating) I went with my child's needs and what felt right instead. She did as well (or better) in kindergarten as the children who had preschool, though I question if 4 or 5 yrs is still too young to be taken out of the home and placed in a structured learning environment for an entire day.
She was (and still is) an outgoing people-person so I took her to many classes and groups that were available to us just so she could interact with other people. Now that she is in 1st grade in a traditional (probably TOO traditional) elementary school there is no way she would let me take her out even if I wanted to, she loves it.
My daughter (now 6yrs) lasted 2 days in preschool when she was 3. I disagreed with the teacher's philosophy that she would be better off if I left her while she cried and begged for me to stay, so I pulled her out and kept her home with me. I was fortunate enough to be able to afford to stay home with her until she started kindergarten. The only reason I sent her in the first place was because of society's pressure, but like many other things (like breastfeeding, co-sleeping, and eating) I went with my child's needs and what felt right instead. She did as well (or better) in kindergarten as the children who had preschool, though I question if 4 or 5 yrs is still too young to be taken out of the home and placed in a structured learning environment for an entire day.
She was (and still is) an outgoing people-person so I took her to many classes and groups that were available to us just so she could interact with other people. Now that she is in 1st grade in a traditional (probably TOO traditional) elementary school there is no way she would let me take her out even if I wanted to, she loves it.
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I think that the operative word is "need". Do I think that all three year olds "need" preschool? I don't think that a 3 yo "needs" anything but parental love, some stability, clothes, food, and a roof over thier head! But do I think that many 3 yos benefit from preschool? You bet! But like others said, it depends on the child. I do not think that my son would flourish in a preschool environment, esp at the tender age of three. But my daughter, is stir crazy and really likes it. We took her out after one year and she really misses it. She does not need it but I think that she really enjoys it and benefited from it socially (with peers and adults), physically, and emotionally. On the other hand, I do not think (at this point) my son would benefit.
I think that a lot of it has to do with the stimulation at home. If your gut tells you not to send your child to preschool, there are a lot of things that you can do at home to stimulate and teach them. There are also lits of ways to socialize them with other children and adults.
The bottom line is -- GO WITH YOUR GUT! You're the expert on your child and you know what is best for him/her!
HTH!
Love,
Nicole
I think that a lot of it has to do with the stimulation at home. If your gut tells you not to send your child to preschool, there are a lot of things that you can do at home to stimulate and teach them. There are also lits of ways to socialize them with other children and adults.
The bottom line is -- GO WITH YOUR GUT! You're the expert on your child and you know what is best for him/her!
HTH!
Love,
Nicole
This is a hard question for me. While I would have to say "no, no 3 year old NEEDS preschool" I must say that my DD would probably disagree (she's 3). She "needs" to see her friends every single day (this is according to her), she "needs" to be out of the house every day (again, if you ask her this is what she'd say).
So if you ask her, she would say, "yes!". She absolutely loves preschool but she is an incredibly social, outgoing child that loves to spend time with her mommy but would not be happy unless she could have her friends around her a lot of the time.
Of course, that isn't to say that she couldn't be around her friends in a setting other than preschool....
So if you ask her, she would say, "yes!". She absolutely loves preschool but she is an incredibly social, outgoing child that loves to spend time with her mommy but would not be happy unless she could have her friends around her a lot of the time.
Of course, that isn't to say that she couldn't be around her friends in a setting other than preschool....
I dont think 3 yr olds they *need* preschool.
That said, Taylor IS in preschool now that he's 3. And he went to "playschool" once a week when he was 2. He is very out going and likes to play with other kids. And having someone else "in charge" works well for him too. He LOVES school!! I dont have very high expectations though as far as "education" is concerned. He is there to have fun and play and if he learns something great and if not fine. [I am perfectly willing and able to homeschool for colors, shapes, numbers, letter, reading, writting, math, music, language, etc] And I love having a couple hours to myself for chores that are difficult to do with him around!!
That said, Taylor IS in preschool now that he's 3. And he went to "playschool" once a week when he was 2. He is very out going and likes to play with other kids. And having someone else "in charge" works well for him too. He LOVES school!! I dont have very high expectations though as far as "education" is concerned. He is there to have fun and play and if he learns something great and if not fine. [I am perfectly willing and able to homeschool for colors, shapes, numbers, letter, reading, writting, math, music, language, etc] And I love having a couple hours to myself for chores that are difficult to do with him around!!
Ok, this is where I get sooo confused. Frequently I come across posts in which mamas state that they are homeschooling (even 2 year-olds) in precisely the above-mentioned areas. Or I hear that so-and-so is in Head Start or whatever.
Do 3 year-olds really need to learn these things now? My dd knows what a circle is - and sometimes a square. But she learned this on her own, by asking the question, "What's this?" She has picked up Russian on her own, with no formal instruction.
So I guess my question is - excuse my roundabout way of getting there - "Do 3 year-olds really need any form of formal instruction, in the home or outside?" Because I'm not giving it.
Do 3 year-olds really need to learn these things now? My dd knows what a circle is - and sometimes a square. But she learned this on her own, by asking the question, "What's this?" She has picked up Russian on her own, with no formal instruction.
So I guess my question is - excuse my roundabout way of getting there - "Do 3 year-olds really need any form of formal instruction, in the home or outside?" Because I'm not giving it.
Parismaman -- I'm really unsure how anyone of us could know more about what your dd needs than you do. You are the expert with her. Does she ask you to teach her things? Does she plauge you with questions? Do you answer her and show her things? If you do -- then you are teaching her what she needs to know right now.
I spend time everyday reading to my 3 yo. We sing the ABCs together and we enjoy playing around with preschool software. I encourage him to dress himself as much as he can, and I am teaching him to clean up his own toys. Does that mean I'm homeschooling him? Hmm. Since he'll be sent off to Kindergarten in 2 years, I don't really consider him a homeschooled child.
I'm really not sure the way we "label" our activities with our children as schooling or just parenting really matter all that much when they are 3 years old.
I spend time everyday reading to my 3 yo. We sing the ABCs together and we enjoy playing around with preschool software. I encourage him to dress himself as much as he can, and I am teaching him to clean up his own toys. Does that mean I'm homeschooling him? Hmm. Since he'll be sent off to Kindergarten in 2 years, I don't really consider him a homeschooled child.
I'm really not sure the way we "label" our activities with our children as schooling or just parenting really matter all that much when they are 3 years old.
I'm not asking about my daughter. She is fine in the setting she is in.
I'm wondering why I keep coming across so many people who homeschool or formal school their 3 year-olds.
I guess I'm just not being clear. But I re-read my post and it seems clear. It states that the question is ""Do 3 year-olds really need any form of formal instruction, in the home or outside?"
I'm only using my dd as an example of how a 3 year-old can learn without the structure.
And I'm not talking about your kids, either. I'm talking about 3 year-olds in general.
But I guess it's a tough question, so let's just let it go.
I'm wondering why I keep coming across so many people who homeschool or formal school their 3 year-olds.
I guess I'm just not being clear. But I re-read my post and it seems clear. It states that the question is ""Do 3 year-olds really need any form of formal instruction, in the home or outside?"
I'm only using my dd as an example of how a 3 year-old can learn without the structure.
And I'm not talking about your kids, either. I'm talking about 3 year-olds in general.
But I guess it's a tough question, so let's just let it go.
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Quote:
PM,
I don't think they do. Kids are absorbing and learning all the time, they don't need to be taught. My dd taught herself to read as well as everything else she knows. I've never actively taught her anything. I think the only way to keep a child from learning is never talk to them, play with them or interact with them. Otherwise, look out, because you can never keep up with their rate of brain growth.
I think the best things you can do for your child is talk with them, provide a stable and loving environment, expose them to a wide variety of experiences and interact with them a lot and everything else will fall into place. And it sounds like Iris has all of those things and more!!
| Originally posted by ParisMaman So I guess my question is - excuse my roundabout way of getting there - "Do 3 year-olds really need any form of formal instruction, in the home or outside?" Because I'm not giving it. |
I don't think they do. Kids are absorbing and learning all the time, they don't need to be taught. My dd taught herself to read as well as everything else she knows. I've never actively taught her anything. I think the only way to keep a child from learning is never talk to them, play with them or interact with them. Otherwise, look out, because you can never keep up with their rate of brain growth.
I think the best things you can do for your child is talk with them, provide a stable and loving environment, expose them to a wide variety of experiences and interact with them a lot and everything else will fall into place. And it sounds like Iris has all of those things and more!!
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I dont think children need to be formally taught like the previous poster says. Children learn from us and their surrounding. It is good to have a variety of things and rich exposure such as taking them to the park, petting zoo, farm, shopping, visiting friends, playgrounds so forth. They learn by asking, they learn what you say, they learn from other kids.
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Your child is your best guide as to teach them what they want to learn. IF they enquire about colour of certain things, from hearing you giving colours to things around you like the colour of the fruits and veggies you are buying, the colour of the trees and animals etc...then teach them. If they are comparing shapes and identifying what are the same such as orange and tomaote are the same, then go on and teach them that and make it a game. My dd and I were playing memory (the pics were all real pics of fruits and veggies) so we started to work with shapes as she was telling me which ones were the same. I just went with her lead and told her what the shape was called.
Same with counting, numbers... you can count apples, sheeps, books...etc...in your surrounding, through songs etc... they learn. It is so much easier to learn in creative setting such as at home in the enviroment than a 'structured' preschool setting.
I think kids dont learn so much in structured setting as they have to 'sit down', or are busy fighting /sharing their toys/activities with others. Although it is a good place for learning social skills I think home is the best learning environment for kids.
You do not have to give 'structured' acitivites at home either!
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Just love your child and go about your daily events.
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Big Hugs and you are doing great!
Mom to 3.5 year old and 9 months old
Your child is your best guide as to teach them what they want to learn. IF they enquire about colour of certain things, from hearing you giving colours to things around you like the colour of the fruits and veggies you are buying, the colour of the trees and animals etc...then teach them. If they are comparing shapes and identifying what are the same such as orange and tomaote are the same, then go on and teach them that and make it a game. My dd and I were playing memory (the pics were all real pics of fruits and veggies) so we started to work with shapes as she was telling me which ones were the same. I just went with her lead and told her what the shape was called.
Same with counting, numbers... you can count apples, sheeps, books...etc...in your surrounding, through songs etc... they learn. It is so much easier to learn in creative setting such as at home in the enviroment than a 'structured' preschool setting.
I think kids dont learn so much in structured setting as they have to 'sit down', or are busy fighting /sharing their toys/activities with others. Although it is a good place for learning social skills I think home is the best learning environment for kids.
You do not have to give 'structured' acitivites at home either!
Just love your child and go about your daily events.
Big Hugs and you are doing great!
Mom to 3.5 year old and 9 months old
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ParisMaman, If you are asking why American/Western society pushes learning on such young children, then now I understand your question/concern. If not, then just skip over the rest of this post.
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As you already know, it is true that mainstream American society puts a lot of pressure on children to grow up quickly. We are a very competitive society and, IMHO, that often is horrible for the child and for the well-being of our culture. Among many other things, trying to make one's baby "smarter" than other babies by teaching them the elementary basics (reading, writing, math) before they even start kindergarten is popular among many families. I have heard many MANY mothers brag over how their child can already read (when the child is only 2 or 3), etc. There are always articles in the mainstreamed parenting magazines (not Mothering of course) on how to give your toddler/baby a headstart in learning. There are many baby toys that encourage early learning of ABC's, phonics and math. There are monthly book clubs for babies. There are even subscriptions for learning packets (which consists of a workbook, craft, storybook, and learning game) to be sent to your home once a month for children starting as young as 2 yrs old. Making your child "smarter" is like one big race and many parents buy into it.
I was one of those mothers when my daughter was born. I bought into a lot of the learning toys, and I even bought the monthly workbook. My daughter wanted nothing to do with all that stuff, it was a battle just to get her to look at them. She would rather play with the fern fluff in our yard (she would pretend they were fairies flying in the breeze), or go on "animal adventures" outside, or play pretend, among many other naturally fun ways of learning. She would play with her toys and look at books, but only when she wanted to, never if she was pushed. SHE taught ME what was right for her. I learned my lesson. Society is wrong to push learning on children, especially with of all of these artificial tools to do so. If the child shows a genuine interest in those tools, then great, but it shouldn't be pushed on a child of any age, especially a baby/toddler.
That said, my daughter now attends elementary school (1st grade) where she is required to do homework daily, she is required to read a certain number of books each day/week, she is expected to do all of the classwork the teacher gives her, she is pressured and bribed to behave nicely (2 students are rewarded as "good citizen" each month). Is this natural child-led learning? Should there really be a cut-off age (currently 4 to 5 yrs) where the child starts learning by force? Hmmmm......maybe that's why "learning" no longer becomes fun when we get older. It's a double-edged sword, though, because in order to function in this society one has to get used to doing things they don't always want to do (school/work) and we have to conform to a certain degree in order to succeed. The more one conforms, the better they succeed. I guess schooling conditions the child (starting as young as 2) for competitive American life. Is that a good thing? Maybe...maybe not.
It is much easier to see a need for change than it is to actually make the change (in this case anyway).
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Whew...that was intense.
As you already know, it is true that mainstream American society puts a lot of pressure on children to grow up quickly. We are a very competitive society and, IMHO, that often is horrible for the child and for the well-being of our culture. Among many other things, trying to make one's baby "smarter" than other babies by teaching them the elementary basics (reading, writing, math) before they even start kindergarten is popular among many families. I have heard many MANY mothers brag over how their child can already read (when the child is only 2 or 3), etc. There are always articles in the mainstreamed parenting magazines (not Mothering of course) on how to give your toddler/baby a headstart in learning. There are many baby toys that encourage early learning of ABC's, phonics and math. There are monthly book clubs for babies. There are even subscriptions for learning packets (which consists of a workbook, craft, storybook, and learning game) to be sent to your home once a month for children starting as young as 2 yrs old. Making your child "smarter" is like one big race and many parents buy into it.
I was one of those mothers when my daughter was born. I bought into a lot of the learning toys, and I even bought the monthly workbook. My daughter wanted nothing to do with all that stuff, it was a battle just to get her to look at them. She would rather play with the fern fluff in our yard (she would pretend they were fairies flying in the breeze), or go on "animal adventures" outside, or play pretend, among many other naturally fun ways of learning. She would play with her toys and look at books, but only when she wanted to, never if she was pushed. SHE taught ME what was right for her. I learned my lesson. Society is wrong to push learning on children, especially with of all of these artificial tools to do so. If the child shows a genuine interest in those tools, then great, but it shouldn't be pushed on a child of any age, especially a baby/toddler.
That said, my daughter now attends elementary school (1st grade) where she is required to do homework daily, she is required to read a certain number of books each day/week, she is expected to do all of the classwork the teacher gives her, she is pressured and bribed to behave nicely (2 students are rewarded as "good citizen" each month). Is this natural child-led learning? Should there really be a cut-off age (currently 4 to 5 yrs) where the child starts learning by force? Hmmmm......maybe that's why "learning" no longer becomes fun when we get older. It's a double-edged sword, though, because in order to function in this society one has to get used to doing things they don't always want to do (school/work) and we have to conform to a certain degree in order to succeed. The more one conforms, the better they succeed. I guess schooling conditions the child (starting as young as 2) for competitive American life. Is that a good thing? Maybe...maybe not.
It is much easier to see a need for change than it is to actually make the change (in this case anyway).
Thanks marchmom19. That's what we do. I just think my dd will learn a lot of things on her own. For example, I never taught her how to dress herself; never told her, "Ok, you put your arm through like this, then you..." She taught herself, and she dresses herself, and very well.
mother_sunshine - That's what I'm asking. Thank you. My dh is more of the type, "She'll need to conform." Me? I say %*$# 'em!
mother_sunshine - That's what I'm asking. Thank you. My dh is more of the type, "She'll need to conform." Me? I say %*$# 'em!
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My ds is a child that "needs" to be taught new things constantly. Actually we don't really teach him, but we do actively expose him to things constantly so he can learn new things. He is like a sponge and soaks it all up. He really wants to practice writing his letters and numbers or drawing shapes (he asks to). He loves to learn the names of the planets, or the names of different kinds of birds. If we don't keep him learning something new all the time he becomes cranky and frustrated and his sleep habits get much worse. He is only 2.5 so I don't really consider it "homeschooling", though I do get ideas for activities from homeschooling resources. I believe he is definitely the exception though, again it is a case of following the child's needs.
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I'm not sure that it's possible to answer for "3 YO in general". I think it depends on what the society around you expects from young children, what type of elementary school education the child will be in and what their expectations for preparation are, the personality of the child, and the view of the parents, and so forth.
That being said, I suspect that somewhere down the road American middle-class society will realize that we pushed children too far too fast during this time frame. I certainly believe that its possible for children to learn just as much from an unstructured play time as in formal schooling. And 3 YOs need to spend time in unstructured play each day.
My child did start preschool at 3. Partly because I need childcare 3 days a week and this was a good option. Partly because he needs the high-energy outlet of lots of kids running together on the playground. And partly to get him used to a structured environment in stages. This year (he's 4 now) we switched to a more academically oriented program with more structure. That's because I know what type of school he will be going to next year and I think this is the intermediate step that will give him the best chance to succeed (on all sorts of levels) next year. Again, lots of factors went into this decision for us, and I expect that each family ends up weighing all of these factors to make the best decision possible.
Which totally doesn't answer your question but are my thoughts on a complex issue.
That being said, I suspect that somewhere down the road American middle-class society will realize that we pushed children too far too fast during this time frame. I certainly believe that its possible for children to learn just as much from an unstructured play time as in formal schooling. And 3 YOs need to spend time in unstructured play each day.
My child did start preschool at 3. Partly because I need childcare 3 days a week and this was a good option. Partly because he needs the high-energy outlet of lots of kids running together on the playground. And partly to get him used to a structured environment in stages. This year (he's 4 now) we switched to a more academically oriented program with more structure. That's because I know what type of school he will be going to next year and I think this is the intermediate step that will give him the best chance to succeed (on all sorts of levels) next year. Again, lots of factors went into this decision for us, and I expect that each family ends up weighing all of these factors to make the best decision possible.
Which totally doesn't answer your question but are my thoughts on a complex issue.
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