Do all husbands/fathers eventually become grumpy?
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Mine is very grumpy and short with the kids a lot. He goes from being Fun Dad to being Jerk Dad in a split second, and I feel sorry for the kids.
My dad was never ever ever grumpy, especially not with me and my brother.
My dad was never ever ever grumpy, especially not with me and my brother.
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My DH went through a bit of a phase where he was becoming grumpy. I put my foot down about it. He could work on his moods and behavior and stay, or he could choose to be a grump all the time, but the family wasn't going to be subjected to it so he would need to choose not to be a part of the family any longer.
That was a little over a year ago, and he's done a LOT of work since then and knows I am completely serious about being willing to walk away if his behavior isn't appropriate. We all have an off day, but he is very much an Aspie and doesn't see how his behavior influences everything around him so he began to have more off days than on. My kids deserve better than to be treated as annoyances. We also have kids on the spectrum, and it was impossible to work with them on appropriate beahavior when he was demonstrating crappy behavior.
YMMV. I have also realized that I prioritize the healthy of the family dynamic a great deal more than my marriage, and I am willing to end the marriage to create happiness, safety and stability for the kids if DH isn't willing to be a positive force within the family. I love him, but life is too short to spend it walking on eggshells. (Oh, and a fabulous therapist who taught me that it was ok to prioritize my well being and that of my children was a huge help for me in getting to this point.) Since he's been willing to do the work, we are in a better place in our marriage than we have been ever, so it's working for us for now anyway.
That was a little over a year ago, and he's done a LOT of work since then and knows I am completely serious about being willing to walk away if his behavior isn't appropriate. We all have an off day, but he is very much an Aspie and doesn't see how his behavior influences everything around him so he began to have more off days than on. My kids deserve better than to be treated as annoyances. We also have kids on the spectrum, and it was impossible to work with them on appropriate beahavior when he was demonstrating crappy behavior.
YMMV. I have also realized that I prioritize the healthy of the family dynamic a great deal more than my marriage, and I am willing to end the marriage to create happiness, safety and stability for the kids if DH isn't willing to be a positive force within the family. I love him, but life is too short to spend it walking on eggshells. (Oh, and a fabulous therapist who taught me that it was ok to prioritize my well being and that of my children was a huge help for me in getting to this point.) Since he's been willing to do the work, we are in a better place in our marriage than we have been ever, so it's working for us for now anyway.
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My DP, dad, and grandfathers aren't/weren't grumpy. I don't think grumpiness is specific to all men or all women, but rather some men and some women are or become grumpier.
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My dad wasn't grumpy, but my husband sure is. I feel like it's inevitable almost. He was a pretty even tempered man, but I guess he hadn't had to put up with a lot of restrictions since he was a child, or something. Now he often acts like he is the most put upon man on earth because they children make noise while he's watching tv. It can be aggravating, but I think a lot of it is work stress coupled with his natural antisocial tendencies. I've gotten pissed at him in the past and told him that of all the people making noise in the house, he is the one who is the most irritating.
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FIL and my dad are both quite grumpy. DH used to be grumpier more often than I liked. Now, he is far from it. I don't know what changed but he's definitely getting more content and even keeled as he gets older. I love it.
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My dad was grumpy, his dad was grumpy (well, mostly just drunk), my ex was grumpy. I don't think that my mom's dad was grumpy, per se, but in considering it, I realized why the grumpy stands out. It is so engrained in my family that the man's moods are the woman's responsibility to mend and that, for kids, the worst thing that we could do was to get a hint of disapproval from a man. Whereas a grumpy mood for a woman was her responsibility to magically change before it made someone else grumpy, as opposed to it being her right (as it is for men.). Maybe just my own messed up family dynamics -- who knows.
I also have a working theory that men just aren't as resilient, in general. Change throws them more. Again, that's my experience speaking, not speaking for every man and every woman on the planet.
I also have a working theory that men just aren't as resilient, in general. Change throws them more. Again, that's my experience speaking, not speaking for every man and every woman on the planet.
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Quote:
I think so, too.Originally Posted by sparklefairy
I also have a working theory that men just aren't as resilient, in general. Change throws them more. Again, that's my experience speaking, not speaking for every man and every woman on the planet.
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My dh was a really grumpy guy, but over the last decade has mellowed out so much!
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My dh isn't grumpy very often. If he is, it is in response to a really bad day at work, or waking up to cat puke on the bottom of his foot, etc.
I am way way way more likely to just BE grumpy for no good reason. But I'm working on it. I believe that people can choose to be grumpy or not. I hate the idea that being mean to those around us is just how it is in a family setting.
I am way way way more likely to just BE grumpy for no good reason. But I'm working on it. I believe that people can choose to be grumpy or not. I hate the idea that being mean to those around us is just how it is in a family setting.
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My dad was almost never grumpy (mind you, he was an alcoholic, and by my mid-teens, he'd almost completely withdrawn from interacting with the family, except on our annual camping trips and at Christmas - but he still wasn't really grumpy...and before his drinking got so bad, he was lots of fun, and a super involved dad.
My ex was...I don't know if I'd say grumpy, exactly. But, he was emotionally abusive, passive-aggressive, and basically just a nightmare to live with. (In addiction to the drug addiction that I sort of knew about at the time - meaning, I knew he had major issues with pot, but he managed to hide the cocaine from me until after the breakup - my ex also turned out to be gay and hadn't admitted it to himself, yet. So, obviously, he had a lot of issues at play, and grumpiness probably wouldn't even have registered on my radar.)
DH is almost a cliche in this area. He's not generally grumpy. But, if we go too long without sex, he's grumpy. He's not "I'm not going to help around here" type grumpy or anything. A lack of sex just has obvious and powerful effects on his mood.
My ex was...I don't know if I'd say grumpy, exactly. But, he was emotionally abusive, passive-aggressive, and basically just a nightmare to live with. (In addiction to the drug addiction that I sort of knew about at the time - meaning, I knew he had major issues with pot, but he managed to hide the cocaine from me until after the breakup - my ex also turned out to be gay and hadn't admitted it to himself, yet. So, obviously, he had a lot of issues at play, and grumpiness probably wouldn't even have registered on my radar.)
DH is almost a cliche in this area. He's not generally grumpy. But, if we go too long without sex, he's grumpy. He's not "I'm not going to help around here" type grumpy or anything. A lack of sex just has obvious and powerful effects on his mood.
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