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So, my awesome neighbor wanted to start a weekly loose, play/craft based weekly coop with myself, and some other woman from the 'hood. I was kind of excited because I plan on homeschooling DD, and she loves other kids.<br><br>
We talked, everything sounded great except for 2 things that kind of weirded me out<br><br>
One of the mothers was really against the fact that DH works from home; she basically said her husband wouldn't feel comfortable having a man in the house with her kids, which made ME uncomfortable because what the hell? Apparently if she was with them that would be a-okay [we would work in parent teams, so that <i>could</i> work, but I'm still kind of hesitant. What if DH wants to come downstairs to say hi to the kids and play guitar for music time or something...is that going to be "too weird" for her own DH who has issues it seems like? Is that just inviting drama because I feel like it is?<br><br>
I guess I just wanted to post because am I overreacting? I immediately felt I guess offended that this was an issue.
 

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Unless he was molested himself as a child, I'd be really creeped out by a father with a phobia about other men being around his kids.<br><br>
If he was molested as a child, I'd be more understanding, but would still think HE should work on getting over his issues.<br><br>
I'd try to find a nice way to say "it's not going to work out unless your dh stops being creepy paranoid."
 

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I would put the decision back on the other family. I would let them know that my DH will be in the house and may be involved (i.e. playing guitar, etc). If they have a problem, then it is their problem and THEY should bow out or make arrangements to have the mother there. I wouldn't allow their issues to dictate to me.<br><br>
I wouldn't necessarily feel offended as everyone has different levels of comfort.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Eclipse95</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15404263"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I would put the decision back on the other family. I would let them know that my DH will be in the house and may be involved (i.e. playing guitar, etc). If they have a problem, then it is their problem and THEY should bow out or make arrangements to have the mother there. I wouldn't allow their issues to dictate to me.<br><br>
I wouldn't necessarily feel offended as everyone has different levels of comfort.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">
 

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well, i certainly can't speak for this woman, her dh or their family and experiences, but for myself - i strongly encourage parental involvement and i am always happy when there is a strong parental presence in families, and i would be especially happy for my child to be in your group!
 

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I know we are not supposed to judge others, but wth?! How are his children ever going to play at anyone's house? Are they only going to be allowed to visit single mother homes?<br><br>
But I agree with eclipse95- just let them know that your dh will be there and will probably be involved. At that point it will be their decision and they can decide accordingly.
 

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I would just let that mom not attend when it is at your house.That,or have her dh meet yours.Best if all parents meet up anyway,but it is often just the mothers that do that.So having EVERYONE together a few times might help.<br><br>
I always attended these type of groups rather than just dropping my child off,and so I never had concern with parents.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Eclipse95</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15404263"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I would put the decision back on the other family. I would let them know that my DH will be in the house and may be involved (i.e. playing guitar, etc). If they have a problem, then it is their problem and THEY should bow out or make arrangements to have the mother there. I wouldn't allow their issues to dictate to me.<br><br>
I wouldn't necessarily feel offended as everyone has different levels of comfort.</div>
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Well Said, ITA!
 

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I wouldn't get involved. I believe that people tend to expect from others what they'd do themselves (cheaters are jealous, thieves keep their things locked up, trustworthy people are inclined to trust, etc) so the fact that they have concerns about a man being around their kids tells me to be wary of the husband in their family.
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Eclipse95</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15404263"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I would put the decision back on the other family. I would let them know that my DH will be in the house and may be involved (i.e. playing guitar, etc). If they have a problem, then it is their problem and THEY should bow out or make arrangements to have the mother there. I wouldn't allow their issues to dictate to me.<br><br>
I wouldn't necessarily feel offended as everyone has different levels of comfort.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that"><br>
Perhaps there's a reason for her DH's phobia (past abuse, simply fearing an unknown etc.), perhaps not. We can't know. But it's up to their family to deal with it, not yours. Be up front about your DH's possible involvement, then let them decide what works for their family.<br><br>
Not really the same situation, but I have a good friend who I trust with my DD. But, DH and I have agreed that we don't like the way her DH deals w/ their kids (they don't hit, but he's too rough and angry when disciplining) so we don't leave dd w/ my friend when her DH is home.
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Eclipse95</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15404263"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I would put the decision back on the other family. I would let them know that my DH will be in the house and may be involved (i.e. playing guitar, etc). If they have a problem, then it is their problem and THEY should bow out or make arrangements to have the mother there. I wouldn't allow their issues to dictate to me.<br><br>
I wouldn't necessarily feel offended as everyone has different levels of comfort.</div>
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Yep, this. Unless someone is asking you something directly, I would just stay out of it. If asked, you can answer that yes your dh will be home. Let them decide how to deal with it.
 

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No I wouldn't get involved with this.<br><br>
They're already said they don't want your DH around. It's not like he's going to magically disappear, and if he is around, what if they say something funny happened?<br><br>
But then I generally err on the side of an abundance of caution.<br><br>
Liz
 

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As the wife of a mostly-SAHD, this gets my goat on a personal level. Just because DH has a penis, he's suspicious? No. Not cool. I'd probably start crying or red-faced ranting.<br><br>
I'd also not necessarily want my kid hanging around someone with such a negative view of men in general (my kid being a future man and all), but that's probably beside the point.
 

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Thanks guys for all the replies<br><br>
It REALLY irked me, and I couldn't figure out why. I don't do the whole "men are to be feared thing. My DH is a great guy, and he works from home. I feel like it's going to cause some anxiety and drama because this guy sounds controlling, if anything.<br><br>
Thanks again gals
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>blizzard_babe</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15406973"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">As the wife of a mostly-SAHD, this gets my goat on a personal level. <b>Just because DH has a penis, he's suspicious</b>? No. Not cool. I'd probably start crying or red-faced ranting.<br><br>
I'd also not necessarily want my kid hanging around someone with such a negative view of men in general (my kid being a future man and all), but that's probably beside the point.</div>
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Men are stastically mor likely to be perpetrators of sexual abuse. That's a fact, unfortunately. I have two boys, but I still tend to be more suspicious of men.<br><br>
Altough, if I trusted the mom, I would have no probelm with the set up in the op. But I would not let my kdis play at someone's house with JUST the dad there.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>sapphire_chan</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15403983"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I'd try to find a nice way to say "it's not going to work out unless your dh stops being creepy paranoid."</div>
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>blizzard_babe</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15406973"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I'd also not necessarily want my kid hanging around someone with such a negative view of men in general (my kid being a future man and all), but that's probably beside the point.</div>
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Mummoth</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15406083"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I believe that people tend to expect from others what they'd do themselves (cheaters are jealous, thieves keep their things locked up, trustworthy people are inclined to trust, etc) so the fact that they have concerns about a man being around their kids tells me to be wary of the husband in their family.</div>
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I think these comments are a little harsh. But then, I tend to be apprehensive of men around my children so maybe I'm taking them the wrong way.<br><br>
Everyone has a different level of comfort. To judge or avoid people with concerns is cruel and could end up limiting you to only having friends who think just like you. (Substitute this concern with another…I haven’t had anyone else drive my children – for various reasons. Friends may not share my concern and might even be a little offended if I didn’t make it clear it is my issue – not that I think they are horrible drivers. But we still get together; I just drive my own children.) I also do not think you need to be offended since the mother said her husband’s concern was with any man…not your husband. I’d explain to her your husband’s possible involvement and give her the option to leave her child, stay with her child or not come to your house.<br><br>
In the situation you describe with you being home, I would send my children. But as pp’s mentioned, I probably would not send them if it was the husband only - but maybe I would once I got to know the husband. I was raped as a child while at a sleepover. My family knew the family for ten years; you never really know people. (I do not want to get into a debate about sleepovers or being over-protective. We’ve gone through this on other MDC threads. I was just explaining the source of my concern.) No mater the source of the concern or the fact that you do not share her concern, she could end up being a great friend and this c/b a wonderful opportunity with no drama. I’d give it a try.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>dbsam</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15409809"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think these comments are a little harsh. But then, I tend to be apprehensive of men around my children so maybe I'm taking them the wrong way.<br><br>
Everyone has a different level of comfort. To judge or avoid people with concerns is cruel and could end up limiting you to only having friends who think just like you. (Substitute this concern with another…I haven’t had anyone else drive my children – for various reasons. Friends may not share my concern and might even be a little offended if I didn’t make it clear it is my issue – not that I think they are horrible drivers. But we still get together; I just drive my own children.) I also do not think you need to be offended since the mother said her husband’s concern was with any man…not your husband. I’d explain to her your husband’s possible involvement and give her the option to leave her child, stay with her child or not come to your house.<br><br>
In the situation you describe with you being home, I would send my children. But as pp’s mentioned, I probably would not send them if it was the husband only - but maybe I would once I got to know the husband. I was raped as a child while at a sleepover. My family knew the family for ten years; you never really know people. (I do not want to get into a debate about sleepovers or being over-protective. We’ve gone through this on other MDC threads. I was just explaining the source of my concern.) No mater the source of the concern or the fact that you do not share her concern, she could end up being a great friend and this c/b a wonderful opportunity with no drama. I’d give it a try.</div>
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I guess I don't want my kid growing up seeing adults giving men anything but the benefit of the doubt, because I don't want him growing up feeling any amount of shame or apprehension because of something he can't help (the genes he got in utero). Now, I'm pretty picky about who I'll let DS hang out with if I'm not there, but whether they pee standing up or sitting down isn't an issue.<br><br>
Now, I know three SAHDs (two are shift-swappers with the mom, the other is a full-time SAHD), so maybe my perspective is skewed.
 
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