[nonnymoose]

My sister had her first baby, then I had my first, then she had her second a few months after mine.
Her first child was fairly small, fussy, and had a terrible time with latching. Her supply was never a problem - she can pump 40+ oz a day. They tried for about six weeks then declared the baby "allergic to breastmilk" and weaned.
I had my son and planned to exclusively BF. He seemed to have gotten the latch down right off, but after an alarming visit to the ped (he hadn't regained his birth weight after over four weeks), we started visiting a LC. He was only getting an ounce and a half from me at a time, so we had to supplement. I went to her every week until he was about three and a half months old, took fenugreek and ate oatmeal, rented a Lactina for three months until I bought a PISA, and spent 1.5 out of every three hours either nursing, bottle-feeding, or pumping. I've never been able to pump more than 4 oz at a time, and that was when I was still at home and religiously pumping every three hours - at the time he was eating 8oz at a feeding, but still not able to get more than 2oz through nursing. We still have to supplement at every feeding. I hate having to do it, but I've come to accept the fact that he'll get every ounce of breastmilk I can give him, but I can't do it without formula.
When my sister's second child was on the way, it was obvious that the baby would be a lot bigger than the first one, but it was also apparent that she wasn't going to last long BF. Whenever the topic came up, my BIL was constantly making sarcastic comments about the "benefits" of BF. One of my sister's friends (a SAHM) had her second child when my sister had her first, and since it was so terribly inconvenient to try to entertain a toddler and BF a baby, they only made it two weeks - that didn't sound too bad to my sister. They had a L&D nurse that told them that her son was FF, and "he's not sniffing glue." When the baby was born, he latched without a problem. As I've mentioned before, supply is not an issue with my sister. By the time he was a week old, she'd stopped letting him BF and was pumping and bottle-feeding instead. By the time he was a month old, they'd switched him to formula because "she was just so engorged all the time," (duh) and because he started having gas. I don't think a week or so is long enough to try an elimination diet, is it? I never had to try it, because my son never got enough from me to upset his tummy

So why is it okay for them (esp. my BIL) to rant about how the benefits of BF are BS, and their kids are just fine, and it doesn't make a difference, and this is why they did it, but it's not okay for me to say anything about the scientifically documented benefits? If my sister griped about engorgement and I started to mention supply and demand, I'd get my head bitten off by my mother. I wasn't exactly preaching at them, either - it was only after my sister brought it up. They seem to have a great deal of bitterness towards BF advocacy. I tried so hard to be nonjudgementally supportive of BF before she had the second baby, and I've had to bite my tongue so many times since then...especially since he's now got reflux and has to take Zantac and Reglan for it. It's a good thing he's not getting that nasty breastmilk that gave him gas, isn't it?

:
It doesn't seem to matter to any of them that I've struggled with my son's ability to BF for six months. Even my husband thinks I'm being oversensitive for getting upset about the snarky comments. I come from a close family, so it's especially difficult. It hurts...from the get-go, everyone seemed to accept that I couldn't BF properly and asked if I'd fed him yet (referring to his FF) as if that were the real feeding, not having him at my breast. They all wanted to give him his bottle, so they'd be standing over me waiting for me to stop playing at BF.
I admit that I think my BIL and sister's reasons are rationalizations. Those are their children to do with as they will. I guess I'm hoping for some reassurance that I'm not being oversensitive at not wanting to hear their stupid rationalizations when I'd do anything to have had the "problems" they've had.

 

[loving-my-babies]

you are the only one that is thinking right, here. they sound terribly defensive and guilty, to say the least. It's always us who get judged for judging others, but they can throw all the crap they want on bf'ing. so not fair.

 

[lauraess]

wow, that is really a tough situation. Personally I'd like to be the one to tell them all off but it's your family and Im really trying to be supportive of you and your choices not to tell them off. If only you could pretend or as i've heard before "fake it till ya make it" That you are confidently smug in this matter since you KNOW YOURE doing the Best thing, with all the detirmination and love of every nursing mother. Afterall, it is hard work anyway you slice it and you're taking the road less traveled while they ride the caravan of convenience and justify to themselves that it's ok. Print up The World Health Organizations' list of food for babys in their order of importance and with confidence Tell them that maybe they've seen it and dont agree with these professionals but that you Do and would like to agree on dissagreeing and for the subject to not be broached even with sarcasm, humor, or feinged (sp?) concern.
mama, be proud

You KNOW We KNOW and Your baby KNows on some level that all your work and struggles is pure love. You want the best, and others settle and this happens a whole lot in our culture. Please, know and believe in yourself. Your confidence is what will change their compulsions to "advise" you.

Laura
Ps: Your sons birthday is the day after mine!

 

[Gidget]

i feel for you. No advice here. I wish I did have some. Have they actually read the facts? I myself would be telling them all how stupid they are(but thats if it were MY family). I guess you could tell them if they keep bringing it up first, you are going to defend it and the best way to avoid conflict would be for them not to talk to you at all about it if they do not want your thoughts on it. I am sorry you have to deal with such bs.

 

[cjr]

My whole family thinks I'm crazy and they just can't understand why I would want to go through all of this trouble when I can just keep giving him formula. They don't get it. My mom stopped bf'ing me because I was gaining too much weight!

She then put me on Carnation evaporated milk and I had a serious weight problem my whole childhood!!! I keep being told that my sisters ds spit up alot and he's doing just fine now, so maybe I should just tough it out. They don't understand that I'm not the one toughing it out, my son is. I don't think he likes choking and gagging on formula coming back up!?!? My sister's ds is 10 months and in the 5th percentile for growth. But I can't say a word. It could be him, but he's always constipated...spits up alot...was colicy for 6 months...was gassy so bad he was constantly in pain. I can't imagine bm would do the same things as the fomula has. He's now on soy, which I don't agree with...but can't say anything.

I have learned to just shut up. I talk about it all the time, in regards to me. I don't tell them the bad parts, only the good. That way they can't throw it in my face. I come here and talk about the problems and get the support where it counts.

On a side note: I don't understand how people can think ff'ing is more convients. I love it when ds nurses first thing in the morning. We just lay in bed and relax. No dribbles or leaking bottles...nothing to heat up or prepare...nothing to wash or hurry up and catch up on washing because he's hungry. I can't wait to EBF. I hate carring feeding supplies everywhere I go and trying to find a place to heat them up. Keep up the good work. I know how hard it is and you're doing great by your babe.

 

[bec]

I'm so sorry your family is being so insensitive to you about this. I don't have much advice about that but wanted to give you my support. As a pumper, I know how hard it is. You're doing a fabulous job!

s

Bec

 

[DaryLLL]

Even if they won't read them, here is a huge list of bfing benefits:

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/start/pre...-benefits.html

 

[maria423]

I don't have advice, but just wanted to offer support. I'm sorry they're being insensitive about this issue. Maybe they're not educated on the benefits, or maybe they are but are in denial and very defensive. Either way, it doesn't make you feel any better.

You know what's best, and you're doing your best. You're a rockin' mama!

 

[Meiri]

If they don't like to hear the facts, then they shouldn't bring up the subject. That they keep bringing it up tells me that they are trying to convince themselves, apparently in vain since they can't stand to hear you speak truth to their self-delusions.

All I can suggest is that you accept that they are not capable of being supportive of your parenting decisions that are different from their own and seek support for yourself elsewhere. Sad, but sometimes life is like that.

OTOH, when they're hovering and making breastfeeding all the more difficult for you, get a little bit hormonal and tell them to quit acting like vultures. Tell them flat out that you have not belittled their decisions, you expect and demand the same respect and politeness in turn from them. Maybe they don't realize?