Do I need a divorce, please help me.

Of course you are scared. Ending a marriage or even contemplating it is very scary. I have to admit though, it doesn't sound like you have that much of a life now (perhaps I'm misreading) and that you really wouldn't be missing much of anything at all by leaving Mexico with almost nothing, just what you can fit in suitcases and send in some boxes, and going to Ontario to live where your family is. I would personally never let my husband leave me all weekend to go visit his family...or really, whoever he is visiting. Why wouldn't he take you? Doesn't his family want to spend time with his children? It just doesn't make sense and sounds very fishy to me.

Do you have passports for the children? Perhaps you should be careful about telling your DH your plans before you have everything in order. If you tell him that you are leaving for another country, he could try to make it difficult for you, block you from leaving, call it kidnapping or some such thing. Can you travel with the children without written permission from him?

There's just so much to this story that I haven't the faintest idea where to start. Find strength within yourself and do what is best for you and your children. Sounds like the children wouldn't be missing much of him, if you left, either, since he's always gone all weekend, every weekend. I assume he works full time the rest of the week, so he probably barely sees the children then, either.

I think you can make a really nice life for you and your children in Ontario, with help from your family and welfare and eventually getting a job yourself, or opening your own business. Never mind the stuff that your DH has that is in his name only (a big warning sign in any marriage, IMO, I think the valuables in a marriage should be co-owned). Anyway, start squirrelling away any money you can just in case you need it in the future.

Take care!

Your so right riversky, I don't have much of a marriage, I don't want to whine but it's so hard to leave my life behind. I put a lot of sweat into this business, when we started out we had nothing. Not only material things, but this is my community , my friends etc...

I need to leave and now that you say that it is kinda fishy isn't it. I'm so trusting and stupid.

I have all of our passports 2 of my children are born in Canada, and my baby was born in Mexico but I have his Canadian passport and Canadian citizenship card. My 6 yr olds passport expired but my husband has no problem renewing it with me.

The last time I almost left we even went to get a document notorized where he gave me permission to leave the country and sign any legal or medical or school documents alone!! That was last year when I was about 5 mths pregnant. He didn't speak to me for 3 months of my pregnancy(during my 3-6 mths.)- not a word, and would never be home on the weekends. I finally startd talking to him because I felt scared to go home alone with 2 kids and being pregnant. I'm SUCH A MESS- HELP ME PLEASE.

is your husband hispanic?? this may not be the reason he is the way he is but i have noticed that some hispanic men have this ingrained way of thinking about woman and how their wives should act. It may be part of the culture they grow up in. This could be something that is preventing him from being more respectful of you and willing to make things better.

I dont want to tell you to get a divorce. It would be best if you could talk to him about how his family and friends view you and ask him why they dont like you?? maybe he will be truthful. Do you have a community of friends?? maybe try building up friendships with other moms and lean on them. this doesnt solve your problems with your husband but it would cure some of the lonelieness. you may however find that many of the woman in mexico are treated the same way by their husbands and are more resigned to that way of life.

If you have to leave just know you may get nothing. Because you live in mexico i dont know if there is a way for anyone to MAKE him pay child support. And if nothing is in your name you would truely have to start from scratch. just make sure you are thinking of your children and whats in there best interest. last but not least dont threaten to leave, just do it. you dont want him taking your kids away from you. He odviously thinks he has you trapped.

good luck

Yes, he is Mexican, but he was never the typical macho mexican. He looks like Robbie Williams crossed with Antonio Banderas with the same Robbie personality. He was always very Canadian thinking. He is a great father, businessman, very respectful.

I think without noticing I used to follow him around, tag along in his life!! Now, with children I can't do that and I've realized I was "chasing" him all these years I wasn't living our life with him I was living his life with him. He pulls his weight...when he wants, I mean if he wants to help he'll help, if he doesn't I end up doing EVERYTHING that he doesn't want to be there for. Regarding the house and famiy, business he is very responsable.

We just imported the curves circuit here from the U.S. in the middle of Feb. so we have set it up in operation. Last night, I said I think we should put it in the "ebay" of Mexico. Sell it and split the money. I have some things I can't take with me that I could sell to get money.

I do have a lot of friends but that doesn't take the place of a companion. His lack of presence is felt, and afterall he is the reason I live in Mexico. Or should I stay living in Mexico? What the heck am I going to do? HELP ME PLEASE!!

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Thank you, I really need a kick in the pants. He just came home and I asked him if he could give gerber to the baby, to spend 5-15 min. with Jack . He said you do it, I have some important phonec calls to make (we are hosting a tae kwon do tournament the end of April9, he's phoning various associations, inviting them etc...$$$. So, I said o,k, I'LL feed him I guess I have to leave what I was doing on the computer RIGHT NOW so you can do what you want to do. He screamed about money and then he said forget it I'll go somewhere else to make my calls...and left.

I hate that he didn't even look sideways at my kids or my baby , who I had in my arms at the time.

We planned to go on vacations to T.O. this summer , so should I tell the kids that and just not come back. I told my husband ,I wanted to do it that way.

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It sounds like you and your husband have already talked about separating, even about selling the business and splitting the proceeds. What did he say about all of this?

As for the vacation to T.O. and then not coming back, yes, that would be one way to do it. Have you already purchased your tickets? If not, then why not leave earlier? Why wait for summer? Unless you are going to wait for the business to sell. Since you just began the business, do you think you would realize any or much profit selling it? Or is it more worthwhile for your husband to keep it and use the proceeds to pay child support?

You can do it, Mama, leave, take the children and don't look back! Don't stay in Mexico, either, family support is much more important to have around. Friends are wonderful but you can make friends in Ontario, too, there are tons of playgroups anywhere you go, I'm sure. I'm quite certain that every support you could need is better supplied by the bureaucracy in Ontario than that in Mexico.

Imagine yourself in five years in Ontario....
Imagine yourself in five years in Mexico...

Which life looks better?

Why wait to begin your life?

O.k. we've been together for 11 years, after 4 years with a gym sold everything went to T.O. to start a silver jewelry business , failed, lost everything, my mom who was taking care of my new born son Don, died the day after xmas, she was my life and the stone of my family. After that I had a silent break down (meaning I had one but didn't tell anyone).

A month after my mom died returned to Mexico and opened a gym- we've had great success, we are not rich but live comfortably, we work hard. I have a maid, but because I work hard. (she makes $80 can per week) Left Canada owing $4000 can in sales tax to govt, and 1000 on my mastercard. Tried to get my taxes done sent them to an accountant (x revenue worker) who said he would do my taxes for abono. Once, I was in Mexico, I asked my dad to contact the accountant and he said he wasn't going to do them because I was going to Mexico and didn't plan on coming back. What am I going to do about that? I couldn't pay the taxes becaue we didn't even have money to eat , there were days when I sold one pair of earrings in 12 hours. I bought hot dogs with that sale.

Anyway, I didn't put anything in my name because I didn't understand the tax situation, paying taxes to Mxico, Canada etc... It seemed easier to put everything in his name.

He doesn't seem to be bothered that I'm leaving, he may help me to a certain extent. But money we don't have. It's tied up in bank loans for the equipment. We have a gym , and just bought a curves circuit in Oct., arrived in Feb. If we sold the circuit he'd still have what we've always had (spinning bikes, kickboxing bags, pilates balls etc..)

We were married in Canada, after my mom died. I couldn't sue him for money he doesn't have any. And to be honest if I leave I never want to see him again. Obviously, send my children to visit but I never want to see him. I hate him for treating me so badly, I would never treat him the way he has treated me.

By summer I mean when school ends... the end of June. I can't talk to my family because they've heard this story b/4, last year they got baby clothes, glider, stuff free from friends to help me, my dad painted the den and got it ready for us and I didn't go. So, I'm not going to tell them until I'm there.

The worst part is Lalo didn't ask me not to go... I backed out!! Isn't that disgusting?

it's not disgusting
it's a painful difficult process regardless and it is best if you can be easy and loving towards yourself.

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Nope, not disgusting at all. Actually, if you had gone then, it seems you might have had some regrets. Now that you have given him ANOTHER chance and it still hasn't worked, all the better. It's a good thing that you stayed and now you seem really sure that going is the only answer. Even your husband seems to think it's a perfectly fine solution. Also, it looks like [knock on wood] he is going to let you take the children with no problems at all....that is a very good thing, right? [knocking on wood again, just in case]

It sounds like everything is going your way. Who cares if there is no money? I mean, it's awfully nice to have a maid but I'm guessing you're rather live in your father's den and clean up after yourselves and live off of welfare for a while. Is that true? In a few years, you can decide what to do to financially better yourself. Tons of people have zero money at the age of 40 or 42 or 45, and then they make their fortune after that. You seem to have a good sense of business, which you can use to your advantage no matter where you live and then for now, you can focus on the children. It won't be easy to be broke but if you decide, deep in your heart, that it is for the better, then hopefully it won't be that tough.