Do Spouses Sometimes Sabotage Weight Lost Goals?

392 Views 18 Replies 15 Participants Last post by Autumnschild, Apr 16, 2006

heldt123

Discussion Starter · Apr 7, 2006

Just wondering if anyone's ever dealt with a spouse sabotaging their weight loss efforts. I've always thought that my hubby wanted me to lose weight because of little side comments he makes, but I'm wondering if he doesn't just feel a bit jealous and self conscious about himself??

I weigh 5 pounds less than when we first met, even after having two kids, but I'd still like to lose another 10 pounds to get to my ideal weight. In our almost 6 years of marriage he has gained about 70 pounds. It seems like whenever I try to lose weight he does these little things to throw me off...not sure if it is intentional or not. Like buying me candy when he knows I'm trying not to eat it, or making it difficult if not impossible to work out. Today I was going to walk into town to get something small and he talked me into driving the car for the whole 8 block walk.

Do you think this may be an unintentional sabotage? I'd love to here if anyone else has found a way to deal with this constructively without making his/her spouse feel bad.

1 - 19 of 19 Posts

MamaBug

· #2 · Apr 7, 2006

My dh says that he supports me when I say we can't buy any more junk I want to lose weight and we will start with that......yup he brings home chips and donuts!!! HELLO????? He wants to lose weight too but does nothing to help us.

I just started NutriSystem and at $200 a month he knows better then to sabatoge that!

boobybunny

· #3 · Apr 7, 2006

I know they do.

But I am guilty of doing it to my husband too.

here is where the paper bag over my head smilet would be nice

MamaBug

· #4 · Apr 7, 2006

LOL I know I have done it too but he is never a gung ho as I am

lunar forest

· #5 · Apr 7, 2006

I certainly think dh does, but Idon't think he knows it.

I told dh that I didn't even want to go into to store because of all the junk I will see and want and grab..... so he goes, and buys far more and far wrose stuff than I ever do!!! ugh. So now he doesn't do and shopping, but as soon as I start saying I feel good, he'll bring me candy or junk food (as a reward?) Or suggest we stop for fast food. Not helpful.

heldt123

Discussion Starter · #6 · Apr 7, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by MamaBug
My dh says that he supports me when I say we can't buy any more junk I want to lose weight and we will start with that......yup he brings home chips and donuts!!! HELLO????? He wants to lose weight too but does nothing to help us.

LOL He will leave boxes of Krispy Kream doughnuts on the counter for me to smell when I get up hungry in the morning....aaaaarrrrh!

So there's no hope? =D

Sharlla

· #7 · Apr 7, 2006

My stepfather does to my mother. He doesn't want her being thin because he's insecure about himself. If he things she is trying to diet he accuses her of all sorts of nasty things.

ETA My DH eats what *I* feed him. I do all the shopping and cooking haha. No way can he manage to sabatage anything if he wanted to/

DesireeH

· #8 · Apr 7, 2006

My dh did this at first....like suggest a restaurant where there is nothing I could order (like mexican food) or buy doritos and ice cream at the store. LOL But this time I have so much more will power than I have ever had. I just take the stuff he buys and put it way up high where I cant reach without a stool. Obviously I cant do that with ice cream but I told him to knock it off.....cause we dont need that garbage in the house anyways. Or I told him he can buy a flavor that he likes but one that he knows I hate, like mint or something. LOL I've been buying myself "equal" treats that I CAN have too so if I see him go for a bowl of ice cream.....I get out one of my weight watchers ice cream bars. LOL I've lost 66 pounds but I think mostly cause I am a stubborn old goat and the more people think I cant do something, the more I go for it. LOL Plus, I am super insecure and part of it is/was (I still have 20 to go) my weight. It's been bothering me for 7 years and only I can change it, there will always be temptation.

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indie

· #9 · Apr 11, 2006

My dad does this to my mom because he is insecure and afraid that if my mom loses weight men will find her attractive and she'll run off on him.

IncaMama

· #10 · Apr 12, 2006

i think that i have done this with my DH, but for very different reasons. my DH is probably MAX 10lbs overweight. MAX. but he feels like he is obese.

when he loses a bit of will power and wants to order food or whatever, if i "remind" him that he's on a diet he immediately thinks that *I* think he's fat...or that he needs to lose weight. and i really and truly DON'T think that. i think he's divinely beautiful the way he is, but he doesn't believe me. so if i try to keep him on his straight and narrow path, even though i don't think he really needs to be so strict, it makes it seem like i DO think he's fat, like i DO think he needs to avoid all bad food constantly.

consequently, i don't "remind" him of his diet. and sometimes i will cook something that is higher in fat. or i'll bring home a nice dessert i know he loves. because he can afford to eat it, and i want him to know that i have faith in his ability to control his portions as much as HE sees fit. and because i love his beautiful body and don't think he needs to change it at all, despite what he believes about himself.

so...i'm just throwing out another perspective. the "sabotage" doesn't always come from a negative/jealous place...

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lilsishomemade

· #11 · Apr 12, 2006

michelemiller: I don't think you're sabotaging your dh by doing what you're doing! It sounds like you're trying to be sensitive to his needs

I think it's the same as when an alcoholic tries to get sober, and all his/her drinking buddies all of a sudden try and get him/her to take a drink...it's like we sometimes get so upset because we see someone succeeding where we fail, that we just want them to fail so we don't feel so bad about ourselves (and consequently, don't have to face our problems).

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Alkenny

· #12 · Apr 12, 2006

I don't know if he tries to sabotage it so much, but he sure doesn't help! I'll try to cook healthier and clear all the junk out of the house and he'll stop on the way home and bring home brownies or potato salad or something. He tells me "Just don't eat it." UGH! He's a recovered alcoholic and I've tried to show him the comparison, how would he feel if I brought home some beers "Just don't drink them." and I think it's opened his eyes a bit.

nikirj

· #13 · Apr 12, 2006

Mine doesn't do it on purpose but he totally does it to me. He cooks a lot of our food and does a decent chunk of our shopping. If I liked the same treats he did, I'd be SCREWED, because he always brings home some kind of treat. He intends to share them with me (and the kids) but since we like such different things, we rarely do and I am saved.

He knows that I would feel better if I lost a little weight. He feels the same and has lost a decent chunk, himself (I haven't lost much at all recently, but he's actually obese and I'm just a little heavier than I should be).

A sticking point for us is that he doesn't feel like I enjoy his cooking if I don't eat until I'm stuffed. It is AMAZING what stuffing oneself a couple times a week will do to your weight

. It took me over 2 YEARS to convince him that it simply wasn't true that if I stopped eating when I wasn't hungry anymore, it was because his cooking was lacking. It was because I wasn't hungry anymore. Yes, I could physically eat more. But dude, I don't need to and I can eat and love your food without eating MORE AND MORE of it.

So yeah, that was my DH's form of sabotage. Mental sabotage. You must eat a crapload of what I cook for you or that means you don't like it. Thankfully something that he has been cured of.

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Danelle78

· #14 · Apr 13, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by nikirj
So yeah, that was my DH's form of sabotage. Mental sabotage. You must eat a crapload of what I cook for you or that means you don't like it. Thankfully something that he has been cured of.

Sounds like my DH. Heaven forbid I only want ONE spoonful of mashed potatoes. I warn everyone that comes to dinner at our house to make your own plate. Otherwise, prepare to eat for a small army.

heldt123

Discussion Starter · #15 · Apr 13, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by Danelle78
Sounds like my DH. Heaven forbid I only want ONE spoonful of mashed potatoes. I warn everyone that comes to dinner at our house to make your own plate. Otherwise, prepare to eat for a small army.

Golly, I hope I don't do that. I know I someimes feel hurt when he only has a little bit of what I make....I assume he doesn't like it.

: Mental note to self....

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rgarlough

· #16 · Apr 13, 2006

My dh has known me for 6 years now and I would think that he would remember that I just can't stomach certain foods. However, whenever he cooks, like on the weekends, he'll make something and hand me a plate of it, THEN say, "Oh yeah, you can't eat XXX... Sorry."

To make matters a little worse, he has ulcerative colitis and shouldn't eat most of what he makes either! I've been trying to talk him into the SCD (specific carb diet) but he claims he just CAN'T go without his precious junk food...

Oh and we both could stand to lose about 20 pounds

That's the 20 that came on after we 'settled down'

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ThreeJane

· #17 · Apr 14, 2006

Yes, I think hubby does this, albeit a bit unconsciously.

We have both put on weight with each successive child (three) and since moving up to Idaho, even more.

Every time I start losing weight, he starts bringing crap food in the house, wanting crap food to eat, etc.

I know that when I was really svelte and slender (ah, the days...) he was VERY selfconscious and VERY insecure...then again, he treated me like a queen too...hmmm....something going on here.

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heldt123

Discussion Starter · #18 · Apr 14, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by ThreeJane
Every time I start losing weight, he starts bringing crap food in the house, wanting crap food to eat, etc.

My hubby brought home several boxes of Krispy Kreme doughnuts the other day and has barely eaten any of them....guess who's been gorging??

: I think I've gained five pounds in just the past two days. I should just throw them out!!

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Autumnschild

· #19 · Apr 16, 2006

DH knows I just got a gym membership and have been trying desperatley to lose the baby weight. He now keeps us stocked on candy bars, chips and ice cream. Hello!? I'd like to say I have some kind of willpower, but he has thrown my diet off completely because I binge on that crap. The only reason I was doing so well was because I never kept junk food in the house. If it's there, I eat it.

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