[mamamirranda]

So there has been alot of tension between the households lately. It had gotten to the point that the kids could feel it to. I couldn't deal with it any more and we had a sit down talk with the kids' mom. We found out that she is not hitting them with a wooden spoon and she doesn't fly off the handle and spank them all the time. (we are a non spanking family). She realized that I in fact don't hate her son and that I do other things with them besides yell at them all the time.<br><br>
So needless to say DSS has been lying about the households I think to take the focus off of him. Arrg. It really hurts my feelings that he told his mom that I hate him. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:<br><br>
This is the kid that I took to the skate park really early in the morning when it was empty so he could practice without anyone else there. The kid that I Sometimes spend the entire day helping him with his homework at the expense of the other kids in the house. (hold on I am helping your brother). the girls went back and told their mom that we don't allow them to do their homework.<br><br>
She must be pretty hurt to hear some of the things he was saying about her too. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">:<br><br>
There are still things that we are not okay with that we see with our own eyes, (multiple shady boyfriends, child support going to beer and cigarettes instead of electricity etc. . . ) and but those are things that the kids don't need to be caught up in emotionally at their ages. I am hopeful that the focus will be off of the tension for a while and that these kids can go back to being kids.<br><br>
How are the kids going to learn accountability when some of their main adult role models don't give them that example. (Do what I say not what I do.) I just hope that the examples their dad and I give them will be worth something to them when they are old enough to really see things and decide what kind of people they want to be.<br><br>
Thanks for listening

 

[fek&fuzz]

Can the 3 adults sit down with DSS and explain to him that they are all on the same page, and are communicating with each other? I don't mean to do it in a threatening way, but maybe explain it that in order to make things consistent you'll be talking or email each other on a regular basis about what's going on in each house.

 

[mamamirranda]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>fek&fuzz</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9777398"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Can the 3 adults sit down with DSS and explain to him that they are all on the same page, and are communicating with each other? I don't mean to do it in a threatening way, but maybe explain it that in order to make things consistent you'll be talking or email each other on a regular basis about what's going on in each house.</div>
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We kinda did that last night, and we agreed to try to do it more often.<br>
But the communications between the adults goes in phases, if she wants something from us, then she is generally more open and ready to talk.<br><br>
If she doesn't need anything . . . <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/duck.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Duck">:<br>
then thats when the name calling and refusing to talk kicks in.<br><br>
We try to talk when we can, but we know that if she parks half way across the parking lot during pick ups and drop offs, then attempting to say anything is pointless.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">

 

[~PurityLake~]

My 10 yr old bonus son does this, too.<br><br>
His mother and I have good communication with each other.<br>
Since I am mainly the one here on weekends, I am the one in the caretaking and disciplining role, so his mother and I have discussed and agreed upon various things to provide consistency.<br><br>
However, even though it's quite commonly known, and specifically addressed (the fact that she and I communicate and are on the same page), he still plays that lying game. He says he 'does it for attention', or he does it to 'get his dad in trouble because he's mad his dad didn't play with him 24/7 all weekend long', etc. He's just so manipulative.<br><br><br>
ETA:<br>
He's been in counseling for years.<br>
His counselor says he isn't better, isn't worse, he's just sneakier.

 

[momsadvice]

Mine also does this all the time and has been doing this for years. It has gotten so bad at times and very serious lies even like child abuse and so forth. The really scary part is that the bm actually believes half of this stuff even though she knows about the issue and half the scary lies are about her and her husband. We just listen and not feed the energy. If there is something we are thinking might be true or at least needs to be addressed we talk with them. Like we have let them know each time there has been a serious accusation against them and leave it at that. they on the other hand call on every little thing, call cps sometimes, and even continue to try to use certain things against us in conversations and emails that we have already said were not true. It gets very frustrating and I completely understand what you are going through. BTW when this all started we all went to see a therapist together and settled a lot of confusion.

 

[bechand0128]

God, I hope so.<br><br>
My son has actually accused his step-mother of touching him inappropriately on 3 separate occasions, as recently as this summer, after he came home w/ bruises on his backside and arms. I had some serious conversation with my ex, because I had seen her drag my ds down the sidewalk while she was screaming at me - this is where the arm bruises came from - and my ex denies that she has ever laid a hand on ds. While I don't believe that (being that I saw her put those bruises on him), I don't belive that she'd molest him. The 1st time my ds said it, he was only 3, and when I called my ex to talk about it, I got the opposite story - that my son had said it to them about my husband Then my ds started sharing stories about his step-mama and his daddy having "relations" - OMG! I called CPS for advice on what to do, and they stated since there was no proof - and there wasn't any - that it was just his wildly active imagination, and no investigation was done. I even told them that I didn't think it was true, I just had no idea how to handle it! I do not for a minute believe that my ex would allow this type of thing to happen to our son - this or half of the other things my son has come up with - daddy letting him ride in the front of grandpa's pick up truck w/ no car-seat or seatbelt, mama leaving him home alone while she went to a movie, etc... some things I've felt the need to ask on, but others were just so ridiculous, you know?<br><br>
FTR, after discussing the bruises with my ex, we did not have any more issues w/ bruising. And these aren't the "I fell off my bike" type of bruises - there were perfect handprint marks on my baby's behind, and on his arm where I had watched her grab him.<br><br>
We did take ds to a therapist once, to counteract the numerous absurd accusations made by my ex to a different therapist in front of my ds. I have the notes from both sessions, it was incredibly sad that my baby had to be subjected to that. The 2nd therapist felt that the best thing we (as parents) could do was to put forth a united front, which is often easier said than done.<br><br>
(((hugs))) I hope it gets better for you. We've had a lot of improvement since we've moved away... it's sad that it took that though. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">

 

[momsadvice]

To bechandthat is too funny deja vu. mine has accused of pretty much all of your post. the only difference is mine is completely psycho, delusional, and I wasn't even there during some of the so called incidents. then later she back tracked and said noneof that happened and that i was such a blessing to her son. blended families are they not the best?

 

[bechand0128]

momsadvice,<br><br>
Your bm could feel the way I do... that since daddy can't do crap, atleast there is SM, you know?<br><br>
Nah, I do actually like my son's SM, and his daddy has improved greatly. I just don't think she realizes how much we appreciate all that she does. Obviously, we must like her, and think she does a pretty decent job as his SM, otherwise, I would have reported each of those incidents to CPS, and pursued them, you know? Heck, ds's dr advised I call the cops to report SM for assault (!!!) when she saw the pics of the bruises on ds's arm after that one incident. But I honestly don't think SM meant to hurt ds that day, and I certainly don't think she'd do it again. Tensions and tempers, that's all.<br><br>
It's difficult to be the BM - SM always thinking that you hate her or you're out to get her, Daddy always thinking that you don't think he's good enough. When/if your ex remarries - you never said if your divorce was final, or if he already was remarried, so I have no idea - I'm sure you'll know how I feel.