[Freedom~Mama]

Just wondering. I am very lucky in that my DH has always supported me being a SAHM 100% and has never ever pressured me to go back to work even when we have been suffering financially and I am so greatful for that. I don't know how I would do it without his support. My Mom is also super supportive. My MIL is not supportive at all and is always making snide remarks about how it must be nice to stay home while DH works and that being able to watch a movie, surf the internet etc when I want to must be great and that she didn't get to do anything like that when she had kids because she had to work and contribute to her family. WTF. I get so angry. She is so bitter and jealous and tries to make my life horrible because I get to do what she didn't.

Anyway I try to just focus on the people who are happy for me and support what I am doing. Before having kids I never thought being a SAHM would cause so much controversy!

 

[Amys1st]

I think every family has a different situation and I am a firm believer to stay home or not because of what works best for the family. If you and your DH believe what you're doing is the best for your family, then do it! MIL comparing her sitaution to yours is like comparing apples to oranges but from the sounds of it, she might have an issue no matter what.

On the flipside, I worked with a guy before I had kids who had a tot at the time and a baby. His wife worked FT like he did and she made very good money. Her family watched the kids during the day and they made him feel extremely inferior because their daughter "HAD" to work and was not able to stay home with these kids because of him. At least that is how they saw it, where as his wife was extremely happy working and happy with the day care arrangements as well.

I remember telling DH that story years ago and he felt that MY parents would be very unhappy if I had to work outside our home. Who knows, he is probabley right.

Both stories remind me of the old adage...A woman and her friend were having a lunch. Her friend asked about the woman's son and his life. The woman made a face and said that her son did so so much work at his job, came home, helped with the children, housework, sometimes cooked the meals, and she felt his wife/ her DIL was treated like a queen and did nothing since he had to help.
Oh wow, thought the friend.
So she asked how her daughter was doing. The woman lit up at that. She said her daughter was so so lucky and she just loved her SonIL. He worked so hard at his job to provide for her and their family, he then would help with their children, did somethings around the house to make it easier for her because she had the kids all day, would surprise her sometimes and cook dinner or better yet, take her out to dinner and give her a break! He was such a prince and treated her like such a queen she deserved to be!

Hmmmmmm.

 

[bluebirdiemama]

I used to have a problem with this. My MIL has done daycare for 27 years and when she was my age had to take care of 12+ children, a couple over night. I certainly wouldn't want to have to do that, and Im very grateful that I stay home with only my kids. But I think what partially fueled her undercuts towards me was my own guilt. Ive always taken care of myself. I am not the kind of person who likes to be "helped out", or to not contribute to the familys income. I think now that it is all in the way I look at it. Ive come to decide now, that since my dh and I both think it is important that one of us stay home with the kids, I am not going to feel bad about it being me. My dh gets satisfaction from working and providing for his family, and he has even stated that what I do is way harder than what he does.
This helps me, but I notice that if I start to slip in my resolution and start feeling bad about being "just a SAHM", it seems like the people around me have less respect for what I do too.

 

[LoMaH]

Quote:

My MIL is not supportive at all and is always making snide remarks about how it must be nice to stay home while DH works and that being able to watch a movie, surf the internet etc when I want to must be great and that she didn't get to do anything like that when she had kids because she had to work and contribute to her family.

In your shoes, I would probably say "Dear MIL, I'm so sorry that you didn't get to stay home with your kids like you wanted, that must've been very difficult for you. Your son has heard you talk about that so often that it's probably the reason why he works so hard so that I can be home with our kids. We would have to pay for childcare if I didn't do it for free, yk, so, this is the way that I contribute to our family."

(this isn't addressed toward your MIL) but BTW, a lot of working out of the home people spend quite a bit of time surfing the net.

 

[MommaCrystal]

My husband supports it 100%. He supports me working 100% too. Which in its own way drives me batty! So long as I'm happy and the children are in the best possible environment. Push comes to shove though he likes me to be home.

My MIL I guess is supportive. She worked part-time in her children's school their entire growing up. But, when given the chance she'll suggest a part-time job for me too.

My own mother will SAY it is good for my kids that I'm home But then she'll make snide comments about OTHER SAHM's. She'll get nasty about a woman she knows who, according to my mother, gets pregnant just about the time her youngest is headed to school. Just so she won't have to work.

My family makes no direct comments to me. However, when my cousins were pregnant and someone asked THEM if they planned to stay home they and my aunt would balk and make faces and claim that that was just the most ridiculous thing in the world and what woman in her right mind would do such a thing... bleh bleh bleh.

My Dad keeps talking about... when I work again. His girlfriend is always offering job ideas.

So.. I'd say no, family does not support it. Just my husband and my friends/church family.

 

[dogretro]

Dh def supports it; he has to, he's the "bread winner"! I do have a degree, but the job I was working before dd was born was low-paying. To put her in care & w/ all expenses & taxes taken out, I would have brought home $5,000/year. NOT worth it AT ALL! We always said that when we got to two kids, I would quit work, no questions asked. I figure that means we've only lost 2 years of my salary, so $10,000. Whoopideedoo.

Home is where I belong. Sometimes I do feel bad that we are like some kind of burden to dh, but come on, really? We are his FAMILY, not some vagrants he picked up on the street. That makes me feel better. He also tells me that he has had convos w/ co-workers about the benefits of having me and dd home all day, which makes me feel great! My family is supportive of it, too. Money is tight, but we have lots of nice things & are not eating out of garbage bins, so we are doing just fine. I have sahm & wohm friends & they are all supportive as is our church family.

It definitely sounds like you MIL is jealous & who can blame her?????? I certainly don't want to go back to work ever!!!! The comments sound v hurtful and mean, but you know that you have something that she only wishes she could have had & that can maybe give you a little pitty towards her. Even if she is being a raging pita

 

[cappuccinosmom]

Dh supports me being at home wholeheartedly.

I don't know about his family. I imagine they probably would, but our cultures are so different it's hard to tell. My family is over all extremely supportive (heck, we're living at their house this year, and they've encouraged me to just focus on homeschooling and beinga good mom). My mom once in a while "worries" about me

but she worries about everything, so it's not really a lack of support.

 

[neetling]

My husband supports my being home wholeheartedly. He's even worked 2 jobs before so I could continue to be home and keep the kids out of daycare. My ILS seem supportive enough. My mom is supportive to the point of allowing us to live with her during transitions and providing some financial support from time to time. With 3 young kids she thinks it would be pointless for me to work just to pay for daycare and she feels like the kids need me. She did not have the option when my siblings were young.

I'm thankful and feel blessed.

 

[westcoastlady]

My dh and family all think it is wonderful that I am staying at home with ds. If anyone were to mention how wonderful it is that I get to surf the internet during the day instead of going to work (first of all when ??? ds won't let me anywhere near the computer while he is awake) I would discuss how... yes I do have the opportunity to sleep in occasionally and maybe take a nap... but I am also 'on-call' 24/7, no paid vacation (or pay of any kind), no sick days, no weekends, no evenings off. Being a SAHM (or parent) is just such a different pace from a 9-5 job that it is like comparing apples to shoes or something else totally unrelated. It requires a lot of self-motivation, self-discipline and organization to run a household and take care of children. Unless people have been there, they have no idea. I have never worked harder, been paid less or loved my job more in my life.

 

[peaceful_mama]

oh yeah. We're in some pretty crazy-tight money time right now and he still totally supports me staying home. I *offered* to look for something, things are that tight and he says "no, not now...maybe if it doesn't get better by...." He likes it, much as he wasn't so sure about it in the beginning.

 

[Tigerchild]

No one ever said anything negative to my face. Or if they did, I was so exhausted chasing around 3 kids under 2 and had popped so many brain cells at that time that I didn't notice.

I am starting to get a little more underhanded negative comments now that my kids are school age--but ironically they tend to be made by other SAHMs.

I just kind of blow that off though, I know how scared I was coming towards the transition, since most of the people who make negative comments don't have all kids in school or aren't planning on sending any kids to school, I can understand why the first inclination might be to snark.

 

[JennTheMomma]

DH and I discussed parenting before we were even married. DH and I both agreed I'd be a SAHM, as it was important to me, and DH's mom was a working mom and he liked the idea of me parenting our kids. My family and DH's family is really supportive about it.

 

[verarae]

I have a little different situation. I never planned, or necessarily wanted, to be a SAHM. I am because of circumstance but I am finding that I am continuing to be a SAHM because of choice. My husband is supportive of my decision either way but told me the other day that he is jealous that I can stay home. He's always worked a full-time position and given me the chance to explore different jobs but now that he is in a job that he HATES he wishes I could work so that he can go back to school. But now that's not really an option for either of us until next school year (I am a teacher). So, while I thought he was 100% supportive he was having second thoughts about it. Which is fine; he shouldn't be stuck in a dead-end job and I am glad he said something, he's pretty passive a lot of times. We'll see how it goes. The part that makes it all ok is that he is a really great husband and dad and works hard at work and works hard at home. He does dishes, vacuums, cooks, etc..when he is home. We are always on a team. As for the rest of my friends/family everyone is supportive either way. My grandma especially, "the woman's place is in the home!"

The only inkling of non-support I've gotten is one of my friend's always asks about teaching. Like I don't remember life before baby. Her worst fear...

 

[KempsMama]

I think your own attitude about it can change other people's opinions. I never say I'm a stay at home mom, I say I am a homemaker (The term housewife bothers me, it implies there might be another wife, lol). I feel this is more descriptive of what I do. Also I feel it's my calling in life to care for my family and home, and will defend that passionately. DH and are very religious and have very traditional roles, and I find myself defending that more frequently. Many people have assumed that DH is abusive, etc.

because he is the head of the house.

 

[MaddieMay]

DH is 100% supportive and that's all that matters to me. I left a very, very good job but we made the right decision for our family at the time.

If other people have a problem with it, I don't really care. I'm pretty sure not all our family agrees, but none of them have ever said anything.

 

[olien]

Both mine & DHs families are supportive.

My MIL stopped working when she had kids & never returned, SIL is a SAHM, BIL is a SAHD (both families now have teenagers). My Mom was home until the youngest was 5 & oldest was 15. My siblings are not financially able to be home, but see its value & consider me lucky.

Its DH that gives me greif all the time

I know he realizes its the best for our LO, but I hear constantly about how I need to get a job bec I am 'milking him dry'. I always offer to work on Sats when he can be with DS, but he doesnt want that responsibility every week. BTW, all I ask for is $100per wk for gas/food/etc and $60mo for EOs. Anything extra I ask him for more $. I certainly dont think thats excessive.

 

[SoCaliMommy]

I've never had a real job before.

Dh supports me totally

MIL hints that need to get a job because its just dh supporting us and how he needs a break from being the sole breadwinner

My mom thinks it's great i'm able to stay at home.

 

[karemore]

It's been easy up until now. Dh and I agreed before we got married that I would stay home so he's 100% supportive.

My mom at first wanted me to go back to work so she could have my DD........but she got over that and has been supportive. Inlaws have been fine.

DD and I have been surrounded by other moms and kids who were home......now they are all getting ready to start school, and most of the moms are going back to work.

It will be interesting to see what happens over the next year or two, but for now I have plenty of support.

 

[That Is Nice]

No.

DH not so much.

In-laws think it's better to have two working parents, and they really just care about DH and what he thinks anyway, even though MIL stayed home herself for many years.

 

[bugginsmom]

Yes, my family and dh definitely support it, as do most of my friends. There have been some comments from a couple of people in the friend group about how easy my life must be. I just smile and tell them I feel blessed, but every way of life has its challenges.