Do USers always let their kids try school if they want to?

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I think there are no givens, which is why its so hard to figure out.

My opinion, based on my interpretation of the philosophy, is that you should work to figure out where the need/desire is coming from, and try to fulfill that. If it isn't working, and going to school really is the only thing your child wants, they should be able to go.

The major part of unschooling to me, is trusting and respecting who my child is and what they value.

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Knowing a few unschoolers that would be a really bad fit in school, I can see a parent not sending an interested child, especially a younger one (say younger than 10). If I thought school would be seriously harmful to my young child, I'd find alternatives. Where I live there is a homeschool facility where homeschooled kids can go for how ever many days a week at a comparable rate as private school (about $2500 for one day a week). A Free School (democratic) might be a good alternative. Of course those aren't options available everywhere and they aren't cheap. This area also has homeschool programs at the Y. I think I could find a compromise solution if I were in that scenario. But I can't imagine my ds asking to go to school. And if he did, I think he'd be ok handling it.

i think it's important to understand why a child wants to attend school. i don't think you can say "always" about anything having to do with unschoolers. everything depends on the family, the parents and the situation. children often want things for very different reasons, and i don't think there is a one size fits all response to anything that happens in an US family.

how's that a vague nonspecific answer? :

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I know the word "always" is very controversial on Mothering (and for darn good reason, lol). I did use it intentionally. Here was my thought:

If a cornerstone of USing is following a child leads, and a child wants to go to school, does it logically follow that the child gets to go to school?

My reasons for asking really are philosophical. On a personal level, I would not let a young child go to school if I thought it was a poor fit for child or family.

I look and act very much like a USer in many ways - but there are some things - such as this (I suspect) - where I think USing and I may part way.

On most levels - I do not care - lables, smables and I yam what I yam and all that. There exists within me, however, an analytical geek - and she likes to figure thing out and play with concepts. She wrote the thread.

I agree with pp that it depends on why the child wants to go to school. If the child is looking for more time with other kids or wants a backpack or to ride a bus, then it makes sense to try to meet those needs outside of school. However, I can imagine a child wanting to experience school, and perhaps wanting to delve a little more deeply into the "school experience" than visiting with a friend for a day might allow.

In the latter situation, I think an USer would try very hard to make it work for their child (though it might not be something they could start tomorrow, if the family isn't able to convert to living on a school schedule immediately).

To me, in addition to any safety concerns (sadly some schools aren't very safe places), making the whole family live on a school schedule would be the main obstacle to putting a child in school. Because it would be a real burden on the rest of us, I wouldn't let a child enroll in school unless it was the only way to meet whatever need they had.

ZM

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I'd let my kids try school if they really wanted to (ds1 is at school, and always has been - I offered him hs a couple years ago, but he loves the social whirl at school). However, I honestly hope they don't, as I find school really negative and destructive. I can understand why they'd want to, but I think it would be really bad for dd, and not wonderful for ds2.

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regardless, i don't think there is an "always" answer to anything really. if my child wants to do ________ , it doesn't always mean that it happens... i consider myself to be my child's ally, but we end up more in the consensual living camp and so the needs of the family matter too. it's not just about what the child wants... KWIM?

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....but then do you consider yourself to be an USer?

If USing is about trusting your child, meeting their needs and following their lead - is it OK to then impose limits?

Let's consider the oft mentionned vidoe games

Kid wants it (and overdoes it)- parents are concerned about the child overdoing it. Within the context of USing, can and should you impose limits?

It is similar to trying school. Parents genuinely have concerns (safety, poor fit - whatever) can they and should they play the parental trump card - and is that within the scope of US?

it's not an either/or thing. either child does everything he wants or family imposes limits. there is an "and/also" place the family can be.

i consider myself a radical unschooler. which is fairly similar to someone who practices consensual living. the focus is more i think on the idea of working towards finding solutions that work for everyone. again, it matters why the child wants to go to school... it matters how this would affect the rest of the family. it matters how the family might work towards making everyone feel heard and cared for.

when it comes to finding family solutions, there is a whole other place than the land of either/or.

(off to respond to joy seeker)

I get that. I get that it is not either/or and I get that on a practical level looking for solutions everyone can be happy about is the way to go. I am an optimist, and believe that mutually agreeable solution usually exist.

None the less, I meant this as a philosophical discussion as opposed to a practical one.

I simply wonder whether or not USing and letting a child go to school should they wish are mutually exclusive. TBH, I do want more than "all families are different, do what works, etc". I want your interpretation of USing and a yes, no, or one of the two with qualifiers. Honestly - the respone of "all families are different - do what works" gets a bit wishy-washy after awhile. It is possible there is no "right" answer - but I would still like to hear others opinions, and beyond a "do what works" type one.

Thanks everyone for your responses thus far

Kathy

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(coming out of lurkdom....) I think "what works for your family" would be an important aspect to USing. Some families have more or less financial resources, some families have more children to coordinate, some families have single parents, parents who both work, some families have children who have special needs that must be considered -- and these are only a few of the nuances that can affect how USing works, from my POV. Every circumstance, such as trying school, wouldn't affect every family the same way. But most decisions are like this in our family -- compromise happens every single day, but hopefully no one always gets the short end of the stick.

From what I understand, I actually feel that having a "no outside school" policy would be opposed to what USing is supposed to support. Isn't USing about supporting and trusting the child to learn and grow the way that is most natural to them. Isn't US'ing about having a choice in how to learn?

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Yes, that is my feeling as well - that an "no outside school policy" would be opposed to what USing is supposed to support.

I am wonderring if anyone feels differently.

Kathy