[~Quse~]

My dh is perfectly fine being poor but happy. He is qualified to work in a profession that can make big bucks but he hates it and does not practice right now. He is a VERY talented musician (this isn't just a wife's exageration, it really is true) and this is how we make our living right now however we are just getting by, paying the bills but we have no bank savings and a few non-interest bearing debts. He definitely has the talent to make it big as a musician but no business sense and really no drive to. He just wants to play because he loves it. I respect him deeply for this and know that on a spiritual level he is right.

However, I do want a savings account, I do have a business sense, and I can't stand debt. I'm raising a young child and expecting a few more in the years to come and planning to homeschool so neither me nor my dh want me to work. I know I could be doing something on the business side for his music career but I really have know idea where to start and I think he'd rather have outside help than distract me from family life. It's just so hard to come to terms between the spiritual and the reality of my personality. DH has agreed to get a professional job this spring if my financial needs haven't been met by then which makes me relieved but also sad that he's compromising himself.

Where do other couples stand on this issue? How does it effect your relationship?

 

[Kim]

I saw the "violin" icon in your sig and wondered if your dh is an orchestral musician?

Anyway, of course you should have similar goals. As with every other aspect of marriage, there should be a fair amount of compromise, understanding and respect for your spouse. It can be difficult to be in the financially supporting role, but those goals need to be shared.

Are you able to put together a financial plan to discuss with your dh? Perhaps meet with a financial planner (most will meet for free because they want to sell you mutual funds, insurance, etc.).

It's funny -- if you had written that you dh was a cubicle-jockey or gas station attendant my first reaction would have been to tell him to get off his ass and get a better job. But, as soon as you said "musician" my direction changed. Musicians and artists are a very different breed, you know?

 

[~Quse~]

He's not an orchestral musician, he plays mostly bluegrass, Irish, and old-time music although he does work up classical pieces every now and then.

We are coming close to compromising but I hate that he has to be a pharmacist, even for just a year because he hates it so much. I am getting better at not worrying so much over money we owe but I don't think I'll completely ever get over my fear of debt.

 

[mamawanabe]

Can he be a pharamcist part-time? In eastern KY, they is such a shortage that they will pay well for someone to travel to some little 'ol town in the hills twice a week and fill orders. I see you are in NC - I wonder if there is something similar in the appalchian mountains near you?

 

[~Quse~]

Yeah, he's just finished filling out his application for a part-time job. DD just woke up, gotta go...

 

[Alenushka]

There is nothing worng with dad staying home and honmeshooling and mom working. If you ahve business snece and can make money, what would be wrong with it? OSmeone has to work. You and DH can also figure out how to run some sort of business out of the house, you both will be home then.
It is not fair to force a man to do something he hates so you can stay home. Neither it is fair to force you to do somehting you do not like, so compromise is the only solution . there many careers whicha allow mom and dads t homeshool and make money.
you knew who he was when you married and had kids with him....so you both ahve to deal with cosnequenses now

 

[Thmom]

I agree that he can stay home and you can work and he can keep doing his music.
..but I also want to say that I think any partnership is about compromising. You both are going to have to give some somewhere. Sometimes it'll be him doing the majority of the giving sometimes you, that's just how a marriage stays together... what's that song "strong enough to bend" or something like that, it's country and about a tree that survives the storms because it's strong enough to bend... anyway... I think that as two people who are now responsible for children you need to think a little more long term as far as savings and finacial needs. I think the best thing you can do for him is to make sure he has time for his music. Many people who can't survive on thier passion get "real" jobs and then thier passions get buried under day to day crud, don't let that happen to him.

 

[kavamamakava]

To answer the title of this thread, NO. He wants to be a millionaire and I don't really focus much on money. We have about the same earning potential but I'm doing the SAHM stuff right now. He's really bad with budgeting and making sure there is enough money in the bank for bills and then he thinks I'm not paying the bills right because I don't pay them when the money isn't in the bank. Grrr. I think he really just wants to have a lot of money but has no clear plan to get there. He pretty much thinks that money can buy you whatever you want and then you'll be happy. Whereas I am pretty sensible about it and would rather not eat out if we have plenty of food in the house or buy new clothes when they aren't necessary, etc. He's unhappy if he feels restricted or that he shouldn't "waste" money eating out.

For your situation, what about if your husband were to do the homeschooling?