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When you're at a friends house, or at a restaurant with people other than close family members, do you ask if you can bf? I never did, because I never thought it could bother someone, but last week, someone in a forum I go to said she was embarassed that a mom was nip at their dinner table without even asking permission to do so.<br>
Am I being rude for nursing at the dinner table without asking?
 

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My thought is if you wouldn't ask permission to feed a bottle, why would you ask permission to breastfeed?<br>
Gossamer
 

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Doesn't even occur to me to ask! If they want to look away fine, but I ain't asking! What If i asked and someone said NO!!!!!!!!! I would have to do it anyway - dd's needs come FIRST!<br><br>
Easier to just concentrate on her needs and ignore other people til she's finished feeding!
 

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nope. i never ask..but then again i'd never nurse around men other than my husband anyway...the friends i have all have 'separated' visits so if my husband and i visit a couple the women sit in one room and the men in another and the same goes for when they come here...but at the all-girl get-togethers none of us ask...it's *obligatory* in islam to breastfeed for 2 yrs (except in extreme circumstances of course, like severe medical issues etc.)...so if one of us wasnt we'd be like 'it's been 3 hours, nurse that baby, would u?!!?' :p
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/oops.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="oops">T<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">...it's *obligatory* in islam to breastfeed for 2 yrs (except in extreme circumstances of course, like severe medical issues etc.)...</td>
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I never knew that-that's awesome!!!<br><br><br>
Back on topic- I ask at friends houses, but not with family. I am not at all good at public nursing, although I am all for it. I have never had a friend say no, but I do feel that *I personally* wouldn't feel comfortable if I didn't ask. If they did say no, like the poster above, I would probably not hang out with them much after they did. (And I would take DD to car to feed her, then put her in her carseat and leave!) Although I usually like to take every opportunity I can to teach people about the benefits of bf'ing....<br><br>
(Edited to add my response. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/duh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="duh">)
 

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No, I don't ask. What the heck would I do if they said, "Actually, I'd prefer you didn't?" I'm not willing to accept no for an answer, so I don't ask permission.
 

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I would only ask if it was someone I thought it would actually offend, if that makes sense. Like, I would not ask at my grandma's house (who happens to have half naked girls on her magazine covers and on her TV all the time), but I would (and have) asked at my Amish Mennonite friend's house... because they might really mean it, yk?<br><br>
Interestingly, I have found my grandma thinks nursing in public is horrendous and the Amish Mennonites I know don't even notice...<br>
So I can do it anywhere!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue">
 

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nope never.
 

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Since my baby was like three months I've had to ask for a good space to nurse. he's not cool with nursing in public anymore, he gets too excited. I have never been anywhere that people weren't into my nursing.l
 

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No.<br><br>
Although if the person next to me or across from me is male, I will turn to the side so that I don't either inadvertently expose myself or make him/them uncomfortable.<br><br>
And if I do turn my back or turn away from them, I will always say "excuse me."<br><br>
That's in my own home, too. Simple courtesy, IMO, that if you turn away from someone you're in the middle of a conversation with to excuse yourself. And then continue the conversation.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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When DS was newish and we were at a friend's apartment I asked if she minded.... She replied "of course not!"<br><br>
I don't think I ever bothered to ask after that. Made no sense to me. I don't need others' permission to eat, why should a baby?<br><br>
Besides which, by asking you call attention to the nursing, and you imply that you are about to do something for which permission is needed, something possibly less than polite, legit, not sure what word fits.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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At someone else's house, I absolutely always ask if they mind if I nurse where I am. Usually just a quick, "Do you mind?" as I'm reaching for my bra. It has nothing to do with feeling comfortable with NIP, to me its being respectful of their home.<br><br>
In a restaurant or other public place, I usually just make mention of the fact that Jackson is hungry before I feed him. "Oh, I'll bet you're ready for lunch!" gives people enough time to look away if they want to.
 

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Nope. I don't know a single person who has the RIGHT to deny me "permission" to breastfeed (unless you count my nurslings LOL). I don't ask if someone minds, because I really don't care if they mind or not. I don't "whip it out." I TRY to avoid exposing myself. Usually, if I'm BFIP, <a href="http://pages.ivillage.com/ulrikedg/id7.html" target="_blank">Nadia is in the sling</a>.<br><br>
Besides, if I can manage not to be offended by someone giving their baby artificial baby milk from a penis shaped bottle, they really shouldn't be offended by me giving my baby real human milk straight from the tap.
 

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I'm another one who doesn't ask, simply because I'm not willing to accept 'no' as an answer.<br><br>
Anywhere someone doesn't want me to bottle feed, I won't nurse. But I can't think of a single place, can you?<br><br>
So...if you aren't offended by bottle-feeding in a given location, then if you are offended by breastfeeding in that same location (given the fact that I can be very discreet and no one sees anything, for the most part!), then that is your problem, not mine, and it needs to be challenged (even if it is only challenged by the fact that I'm nursing my child).<br><br>
I'm gearing up for this, as no one in my area breastfeeds, and I'm due any day now with #3!
 

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I didn’t ask permission and I wasn’t discreet! IMO, asking permission and being discreet perpetuate the assumption that breastfeeding is taboo and something to hide.
 

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I never asked permission to breastfeed, but I did ask people to show me a quiet spot to do it. This was more for my baby than for others - she went through a stage of distractibility and it was just easier to nurse her away from stimulation. Dh was also a bit weird about me breastfeeding in front of his male friends, and rather than argue with him, it was just easier. If I have a second child, though, I've made a promise to myself never to "hide" for the convenience of others. I'm a discreet public nurser, anyway, so I figure just a little turn of my body while latching should take care of anyone's discomfort.
 

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I was about to say no, but then I remembered that I did just the other day. Actually, DH asked for me. I met DH after work at a restaurant with some of his co-workers that he doesn't really hang out with much most of the time. Since I had only known these people all of 20 minutes and they were across the table looking straight at me, I asked DH if it was okay to nurse there, and he just said, "Do you mind if Amy feeds the baby?" (BTW, I love the way he says "feed the baby" rather than "nurse" because he thinks it's the default method of feeding infants. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"> ) The other people said it was fine, and they did look away while I got the baby latched on. I don't know what I would have done if they had said it wasn't okay. We definitely wouldn't hang with them any more if they had.
 

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Absolutely not. Like a bottle feeder wouldn't ask if they could feed their baby.<br><br>
Actually, a while ago we went to a party at a friend's house. I know her fairly welll and like her a lot, and it took my by surprise when we arrived and in front of everyone she said "If you want to nurse, you can use the bedroom."<br><br>
I honestly thought she meant "If you are uncomfortable nursing in front of these people, you are welcome to use the bedroom." So my response was "Oh, no, don't worry, I don't mind, I just nurse wherever I happen to be at the time."<br><br>
She looked somewhat taken aback, at which point I realised that her meaning was "Please don't nurse here, so when you need to, please go into the bedroom." I had to laugh to myself, as I'd given, unwittingly, the perfect response, and there was nothing more that could be said.<br><br>
Strangely, other people there whipped out their bottles of formula, and nobody gave them a second glance or suggested that they went into the bedroom to do it. I"m sure I was the topic of conversation after I'd left. :LOL :LOL :LOL
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">Strangely, other people there whipped out their bottles of formula, and nobody gave them a second glance or suggested that they went into the bedroom to do it.</td>
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I wouldn't have suggested they leave, but, I admit it, I would have given it a second look.<br><br>
I don't ask because:<br><br>
---Why would I?<br><br>
---I think its like a blanket---it calls *way* more attention to it. Generally only other moms even know whats going on. DH notices about 1/2 the nursing moms I do, and thats after watching me nurse for the last 4.5 years.<br><br>
---If they said no, I would have no idea what to do.<br><br>
---I consider it just another activity to care for your baby. Some people think you shouldn't hold your baby *all the time* but I certainly wouldn't ask for input on that decision of mine. Or any other parenting decision that I might make while out in public (uhh, do you mind if I cloth diaper here? LOL)<br><br>
Kay
 
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