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OK, so this is a totally random question, but do you ever lie about your sexual orientation? It seems to be a common thing. I'll use Facebook and Myspace as examples because the orientation is listed. Two of my ex-girlfriends have straight listed. Every person I knew in high school has straight listed except a few who are gay. I don't know of a single person who's got bi listed except me. Statistically, there have to be more.<br><br>
I totally get why someone would lie - they're not out to their family, it's easier than explaining, they don't want hassles about why they're married to the opposite sex or whether they're monogamous (for the bi folks), etc. When I was in the military, I had to be very careful about what I said and where I went with my GF and make sure that my profile was set to private. It just irks me because I wish everybody could be honest about who they are without being hassled for it.<br><br>
Do you ever find yourself forced to lie about your status or choose to do so? Are there any situations you used to lie in, but now you tell the truth?
 

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Nope...Well...I'm out and proud to all except my grandfather. Also to my grandmother before she died. If my grandpa found out it would be fine and he'd probably accept it, but he's been through a lot recently and I'm not going to just tell him. We live far apart and rarely talk on the phone, so it's not a big deal. If he asked, I'd be honest, though. I don't know any friends or acquaintances that list straight or bi on their pages that are actually gay. I don't actually have any friends that aren't out and proud.<br><br>
When I lived in Missouri, on job interviews, I wouldn't say "partner, girlfriend, etc" because I was always worried about not getting a job because of it. I wouldn't say I was with a man or anything, though. But now that I live/work in San Francisco, if any part of an interview steers towards personal stuff, I mention it on purpose. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"> Yes, I shouldn't have, but it definitely HELPS to get the job. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
I also like to play with random people, especially doctors. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> On forms I obviously check the married box, and then a doctor will ask how long married, etc. Then say something about "husband" and I'll say "wife". They get all embarrassed. It's funny. Most of the time they feel bad that they just assumed straight marriage. I had one doctor tell me that she's not going to assume that with patients anymore and really thanked me for bringing that to the forefront of her mind. I had another one push and push "are you SURE you're not pregnant? But you're married! What are you doing for birth control?" I said "Well nothing, except being married to another lesbian!" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> That was a funny one!
 

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I am a nurse in a rural hospital in the heart of the bible belt so yes there are times when I am forced to lie about my orientation. I am completely out to my boss, coworkers, etc.it is hard sometimes with my patients especialy the little grandma types that notice that I wear a diamond engagement/wedding band and ask about my husband. Being a small town everyone knows everyone or at least wants to. Sometimes I am even resorted to refering to dp as him lol. When dps youngest dd now 16 finishes high school we hope to move to more open minded places but the school here is good so we put up a lot of fronts. Just the other day we were taking some goats to a free christion rehab that I went thrugh and they want me to write a testamony and I am torn between writing the hole truth or what they want to see or maybe I will just not write anything and blame it on lack of time.
 

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my myspace profile says bi.
 

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I don't lie, but I also don't openly state my orientation in a lot of cases. On both Myspace and Facebook my orientation is blank. I just think it's none of people's business. So, I happen to be a lesbian, I happen to be partnered with a fantastic woman. That's just one part of me, ya know? Although, honestly, most of my family and past friend type people that I keep in touch with on those sites are pretty homophobic. If I announced it on the page they would think I was being obnoxious and pushing "the gay agenda". At this stage I consider it a personal mission of sorts to be as "normal" as possible, while still being gay. I like pushing their boundaries quietly, if that makes sense.
 

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Like <b>hoping2bmoms</b> I live out in the middle of nowhere Alabama. I've never gotten a hard time from anyone, and I'm out everywhere except work and to the far reaches of my family (the latter of which simply because the subject has never come up and I don't talk about personal things with them if I have to talk with them at all). My MySpace profile says "lesbian" and Facebook says I'm interested in women.<br><br>
I'm NOT out at work because I just began a new job and while my new employer is very, very sweet and nice, I pretty much know she wouldn't understand or would have differing viewpoints than me. When she asked about it, I simply said I was divorced and let her assume without ever saying pronouns. I DO consider myself divorced, even though my ex and I never had the benefit of the clergy.
 

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Yup, but mostly just online. In my due date club on here, for instance. It's easy because DP is trans, so the male pronouns make me seem straight.<br><br>
It's just easier. I have a fear of being judged, lol.
 

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Mine says bi. So does DHs. I just turned off the settings for that and relationship status for people who might make drama in person for us. Old high school buddies, etc can deal.
 

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I am not always honest when it comes to being out at work. I am out to my bosses(direct boss is gay, deputy director is a lesbian) and everyone else at work but to the individuals on my case load (i am a mental health case manager) only a few know. I bring DP to many of the social events but it is not on everyones mind as being a possibility. I do answer the "how is your husband" questions because it is honestly easier and I don't think that I would gain anything, besides a great amount of hassle, by being completly out. Don't get me wrong it is annoying that I would be judged for being a lesbian and some people would refuse to work with me due to sexual orientation, but sometimes it is not worth the fight.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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I am closeted to my family. And by family I mean <i>all</i> of my family. They are extremely homophobic- my aunt was a lesbian and was absolutely run through the ringer as an adolescent, which I attribute to her mental illness later on in her life. She still maintains that she is no longer a lesbian to my family (rather, that she has been reformed by Jesus <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/duh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="duh">), although she lives with her long-time partner.<br><br>
I usually don't feel the need to disclose my sexual preference to people unless it comes up in conversation (excepting of course my family <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll">). I have never mentioned my bisexuality to the in-laws, even though they are far more open-minded than my family, simply because it seems like irrelevant information to them, since I am married to their son, the father of our child. You know what I mean?<br><br>
So basically, I have only talked openly about my sexuality with two people on earth, and that is DH and my long-time best friend.<br><br>
Now that I've typed it all out, it reads like I am totally in the closet, and that's probably true... Does anyone who is married to someone of the opposite sex often feel that disclosing their <i>full</i> sexual preferences to people is irrelevant?
 

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I have lied before in work situations (or at least, been vary vague, when I know that means that the person I'm talking to will assume I'm straight), and dw and I weren't out to her dad's extended family for the first 3 years of our relationship (we were "roommates"). Now that I am older/have kids, I don't think I would ever lie about it. I just generally feel more secure with myself, and I can't think of a reason for why I would have to.<br><br>
The vast majority (seriously like 95%) of our "gay" friends from high school/college (including past girlfriends of mine) are now living in heterosexual relationships. So, I would not be surprised to see any of them list their sexual orientation as "straight" on a social networking site, even though they were 100% gay when I knew them. While I always balked at the notion that my own queerness was "just a phase" when I was a teenager, I think the truth is that for a lot of people, it <i>is</i>.<br><br>
Lex
 

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I have carefully constructed my life so I can be out to just about anyone I have to deal with - however, it's important to recognize that I wield tremendous social capital and privilege.<br><br>
Not everyone can do that, and I don't think it should be the gold standard.<br><br>
I was very, very out in my teen years, but when I worked nights in a factory, I wasn't exactly out, but I think a few people understood I was a gay man, but it wasn't discussed. I was tacitly gay - but I was definitely not out as trans.<br><br>
Later, I started coming out at work as gay/bi, well, I never really came out, but I was partnered to a guy and everyone knew that, but not as trans, and it was never an issue. However, I was remarkably privileged in that I worked for a university that had a non-discrimination policy, and I was unionized - the United Steelworkers have a non-dicrimination policy too.<br><br>
It's easy to live as out and proud in our little gay bubble here in The Happy **** Valley, but every time I leave the bubble and travel elsewhere in the US, I realize what an oasis it really is here.<br><br>
Incidentally, I've been harrassed twice for being queer in the past two years - once I was heckled "Do you have two moms? Did they lend you their car?" along with some homophobic B-S on the main Northampton drag by two teenagers who were clearly well-enough versed in NoHo lesbian culture to recognize my Subaru as a queer vehicle, even if they didn't recognize me as queer. I looked at them and said "No, go ... yourselves." and then they realized I was probably old enough to be their parent and they sped off.<br><br>
I don't know if that counts as getting gay-bashed, if it's only your car that gets harrassed, but it is a reminder that even here in our little happy-as-in-gay valley, it's not always safe to be gay. (Or drive a gay car.)
 

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I don't lie about it outright. If anyone asks me directly, I tell the truth. But at work (with clients, not co-workers), and in some social situations, I let people assume what they want to assume. If a client says something about a husband, I am very skilled about talking about DP without using pronouns. It's a thin line I guess, but it helps me feel like I have some integrity because I don't call DP a "he" but I also don't bother correcting the language the other person uses.<br><br>
ETA: I work for a religious organization that although they have no problem with me working there and being out to my co-workers, would probably fire me if I came out to any clients.
 

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Yes and no? I'm comfortable with my sexuality but don't feel the need to explain it to most people. I'm also not comfortable lying about things that are central to my life. My friends, family, co-workers, etc. know I'm married to a woman. I am proud of her and my relationship with her and it hurts to deny that. Some of them know I like boys, too, but as it's really not relevant most of the time (see: married to a woman), I don't really shout it or correct people who think I'm a lesbian. For most people, it's just too long of a conversation and irrelevant to my "lifestyle" as it were. If someone asks, I'll tell them, but in general I think my sexuality is my business.<br><br>
(I didn't come out as anything to my parents until I had a GF, late in college. I just couldn't see why it would matter unless it, you know, mattered.)<br><br>
The volunteers I work with, or have worked with in other positions may or may not know that my partner is a girl, because discussions of personal life rarely come up with them, and I do try to keep it that way. I like to keep my professional and personal life separate. If I think it'll hurt my goals, I'll definitely try to keep it quiet, and have dodged the pronouns with people from conservative church groups on Habitat for Humanity builds. Of course, if I think it'll help, I'll use it to my advantage! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1">
 

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I'm out to mostly everyone I know, and do not generally outright lie. However, I work with emotionally disabled teens in a high school in a town that is notoriously closed-minded, in our otherwise pretty liberal part of the state... Most of my coworkers know I am in a relationship with a woman, and those that do not, don't because it just never came up in conversation... However, my student, as well as the rest of the students, does not know, nor does her guardian, who might have a big problem with it. I've actually been giving this a lot of thought lately, because we are planning to ttc in the next couple of months, and I'm not sure how to explain it when the questions come up, without sounding like I had a one-night stand, or something along those lines!!!<br>
In any other situation though, I have become very open about my life - I've done the whole thing with the doctor asking questions about birth control, and am I SURE that I'm not pregnant too! It is pretty funny to see reactions, though in CT, it's not that uncommon and mostly well-received...
 

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no, and i don't think i ever have...unless *i* count because it took me until i was 23 to realize i REALLY liked women! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"><br><br>
dp and i are both out to our families, friends and work. dp is in architecture which is an easier profession to be out in given the number of gay men in her office!! i work in it and even today that is still a very male-oriented profession. i refuse to be closeted at work though and although i didn't start my current job and introduce myself as the new lesbian contractor i didn't hide anything when co-workers would ask about weekend happenings etc.. plus i have a very cute photo of dp on my desk in a frame with hearts on it. in my experience if you act like it's no big deal people accept it.<br><br>
there has been one guy at my current job who had a real problem talking to me - he didn't know what to say or how to act like he was going to offend me. finally he realized being gay was only one facet of my life and got over himself. my immediate co-workers are great, have met my dp several times (she's been to company functions) and love our son. my company recently allowed same-sex partner medical and survivor benefits. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
g
 

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I'm totally out ... even as a well known author for teens. When<br>
I do school visits, I make a point of 'outing' myself so kids can meet a real live queer who is successful and ok with it. I'm also a paramedic, but i don't go into it with patients, but then i wouldn't if i was straight either. If spouses or kids come up, I use the female pronoun unapologetically and without explanation. I don't don any flags or stickers anymore ... been there, done that in my teens and twenties.<br><br>
I will add that I have the option of outing myself or not, being that i don't 'look' gay, whereas my partner lives 24/7 out because she's a big ol' bulldagger. Therefore i move a lot more safely through the world than she does. She's the focus of any harassment or bashing we might encounter, not me.
 

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I don't lie, but I don't run around announcing the fact that I'm a lesbian either (unless it's pride month in Boystown <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/joy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="joy">: ).<br><br>
If people ask me about my love life or incorrectly assume that I've got a boyfriend, I'll correct them. In terms of jobs, I carefully seek out the little written ditty that says something along the lines of "we do not discriminate based on race, gender, religion, etc." If it doesn't mention sexual orientation, then I try to keep it under wraps. If it does list sexual orientation, then I'm a little more casual about potential employers knowing.
 
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