[snoopy5386]

I belong to a great group of natural parenting mamas who are so wonderful and supportive

: Most of our children are young and not yet school age. A couple of the kids in the group are going to be hitting kindergarten age this year so there has been lots of discussion about schooling options. The public schools seem to be the option of last resort for so many mamas and I just don't get it. I would say the schools here for the most part are considered to be "good". Our neighbors have their girls in the local elementary school and seem very happy.
I plan to send my DD to the local elementary school - she has the type of personality that would do very well in a public school classroom. IF I didn't think she would do well I would more strongly consider other options - either homeschooling or private school. But I can't get over that all the moms in this group (over 30) all feel there kids would be better served being homeschooled or going to a private school. I would rather take the money I've saved by not homeschooling (which means I can go back to work) and by not sending them to private school (so I don't have to work just to pay their tuition) and enrich their lives in other ways - through travel and other opportunities. Yet I feel like a pariah among my friends for considering the public schools here. Anyone else feel the same?

 

[mamalemon]

Strangely enough, I have the opposite problem. I feel like an outcast for not just sending my kids to our neighborhood school. DS goes to a private Montessori school for preschool right now, but we are exploring several charters (none which are close to our house) for K and beyond. Our neighborhood elementary is a "good" school and almost every parent I talk to is perplexed as to why we aren't just going there.

The bottom line is that what works for one family may not for another. School is not a one size fits all situation - so I guess it is good that we have choices!

 

[eepster]

If the "free" (it's not really free, but you have already paid for it with your taxes) really is a very good option, then ofcourse it makes sence to use it. DS is currently in a private montessori preschool, but he will most likely go to public school in first grade.

Though it would be nice for him to get to go to a montessori elementary school, we can't afford that. I feel the ability to feed DS 3 meals a day and still pay our mortgage are pretty important. We could afford the local catholic school, but the public school is a lot more progressive educationally.

If for some reason it doesn't work out in public school, I'm prepared to homeschool, but I'd rather not. If I had the right personality to be an elementary school teacher, then I would have become one.

 

[karne]

Yes, we moved our kids from private to public and basically became outcasts from the private school families we knew. To be honest, we used to hold many of the uninformed opinions of public school until we made the choice to investigate it. We often hear comments about how "unsheltered" our kids are, how mainstream their education is, the poor kids who don't go to private, etc....The fy=unny thing is, our kids have gotten a more solid education in public than private, and we have the benefit of truly being a part of our community through the school. It's been a great option for us so far.

 

[daytripper75]

I think I would have to start saying something like, "Dear friend, I know you don't mean to criticise me for making the right choice for my child and my family. I am glad you are happy with the choices you made for your child and I hope you can be happy for us too."

We are a fortunate country to have public schools available to each and every child. And there is no shame in researching and making the best choices for your own family!

 

[darcytrue]

Quote:

Originally Posted by daytripper75 We are a fortunate country to have public schools available to each and every child. And there is no shame in researching and making the best choices for your own family!

I agree. I homeschool my children right now but they have attended a school outside the home in the past when we needed to do that. I am glad I have that option available to me. Not everyone is cut out for homeschooling or using a private school. I totally get your reasoning behind not wanting to do either one. Do what is best for your family and try not to let it get to you.

 

[annethcz]

I do know what you mean. When my kids were toddlers/preschoolers, many of the naturally-minded mamas in my social circle (including myself!) decided to homeschool. It was kind of a natural progression of sorts- the alternative mamas decided on alternative education options for their kids. To me, it seemed like it fit. The same way that I questioned vaccines and the standard American diet, I questioned the educational system. And as a homeschooling mom, it was a little difficult to relate to the mamas with kids in school. It wasn't because I didn't understand their choices, but because we lived a totally different lifestyle.

Now that my kids are attending school, I do feel a little like an outcast. In truth, I wasn't thrown out, but I took myself out of the homeschooling community. Sadly, I haven't found the same sense of community amongst other public schooling families. It makes sense, families who send their kids to school don't hang out together all day long, and don't have the same opportunity to develop those close ties.

Ultimately, I think the important thing to keep in mind is that we're all trying to do what is best for our families. There is no one-size-fits-all solution.

 

[LauraLoo]

Next year I'm going to feel like an outcast in every social circle since I will be sending dd to K. We started HS'ing ds this year - it's gone very well, but dd wants to go to K and I'm honoring her decision. We are in a very good school district (it's a school of choice, and all of the open slots for out of district children are always taken by a lottery system,) I have no reason to believe that it will be a bad experience, and it might even be the best experience for her.

There are a few people in our HS group that homeschool some of their children and outside school the rest in different school districts, so at least I'll have a little company! You know the song, "you can't please everyone so you got to please yourself!"

 

[zinemama]

Not at all. We have a terrific, crunchy, groovy local PS and most of my friends send their kids there. I do know a few people with kids in private, but it's not an issue. I simply assume they have a whole lot more money than I do!

My parents shelled out for Waldorf school educations for me and my two siblings and didn't save a cent for college for any of us. Believe you me, even if we could afford private school, I would put that money toward college savings instead.

 

[BCFD]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mamalemon Strangely enough, I have the opposite problem. I feel like an outcast for not just sending my kids to our neighborhood school. DS goes to a private Montessori school for preschool right now, but we are exploring several charters (none which are close to our house) for K and beyond. Our neighborhood elementary is a "good" school and almost every parent I talk to is perplexed as to why we aren't just going there. The bottom line is that what works for one family may not for another. School is not a one size fits all situation - so I guess it is good that we have choices!

This is true for me, too!! Mamalemon and I live close to each other and we're friends IRL and most people around here look at me like I'm crazy that we aren't just sending our kids to the local public school. We live in a good school district, but even in this district some of the schools are s.c.a.r.y. My oldest dd starts kindy in Aug. and she will be going to a Montessori charter school (currently in private Montessori preschool). So, it's still a public school, but people actually can't understand what is so great about Montessori!!! I think she will have the best of both worlds.

 

[Linda on the move]

I know exactly what you are talking about it. It's just a form of snobbery. Don't take it too much to heart -- you'll meet some wonderful new families when your DD starts school.

Right now your peers are trying to figure out what is the "perfect" option so that they can get it right. Many of them don't realize that there isn't a perfect option and that different things work better for different kids. Some of them will out grow this, some won't.

My kids are 10 and 12 and one homeschools while the other attends public school. My DD who attends school is thriving. We could afford private schools and I'm home so she could homeschool, but it is wonderful school and she loves it (most days!).

 

[snoopy5386]

I'm glad to see I'm not the only one! There is a great private school here I have considered, but it is $6000 a year tuition right now, so when we have 2 kids in school that is $12000! And it will be more because of course, it goes up every year. I think of all of the other things I could do with $12000 (mostly traveling, that is my love) and I wonder if the education that they get at the private school would really be worth an additional $12000 a year over the education they would get at the public school.

Not to mention the diversity issue. We live in an area that is not at all racially diverse, but is diverse in the socio-economic sense. Obviously, DD will not be exposed to this diversity at the private school (they have no financial aid program).

I just am scratching my head at some of the other families and their lines of thinking - the private school tuitions around here range from 6-15k a year, some of the schools are over an hour away.....I just don't get it.

 

[purslaine]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mamalemon Strangely enough, I have the opposite problem. I feel like an outcast for not just sending my kids to our neighborhood school. DS goes to a private Montessori school for preschool right now, but we are exploring several charters (none which are close to our house) for K and beyond. Our neighborhood elementary is a "good" school and almost every parent I talk to is perplexed as to why we aren't just going there. The bottom line is that what works for one family may not for another. School is not a one size fits all situation - so I guess it is good that we have choices!

I have heard disbelief expressed from Hsers on people who send their kids to school, and I have heard disbelief from public schoolers on why anyone would choose differently. Truthfully, the nuttiness goes both ways.

I think it is just another version of the mommy wars.

If you have educational choice and everyone is thriving where they are at- great!

Kathy

 

[cosmos]

We hs'd for 2 years-then chose the crunchy ps over traditional ps for our kids when hs no longer worked. There are no private schools here. There is animosity between some of the parents of the traditional ps and ours, but I politely avoid those conversations because it is pointless IMO. Both schools are great, hs was great. we are chosing what works best for our family and I feel way ahead of the game about being openminded to make the best fit when things change, and the old options no longer fit. I guess it is one of those situations that if I were to be ostracized for my decision I would find out who my real friends are pretty quick. That would be ok with me too.

 

[snoopy5386]

I get choosing what is best for your family, I really do. I think DD and I would have a blast homeschooling for the most part. I could totally see myself doing it. I could also see myself going nuts doing it too. I just find it odd, that pretty much every single other mom I know is choosing alternatives to PS. I'm just sort of scratching my head at it, you know? Of course, like I said our kids are still young so we'll see how things really play out in the next few years, but it just seems so odd to me.

 

[mags]

We have the opposite problem. I felt like a total outcast when we HS'd. We live in a very non-crunchy area and the only HSers are all very conservative and religious. I have not yet met any other secular HSers (well ONE family, but they bit the dust due to isolation too). So, I decided to let my son try preschool and it has gone ok. We are going to do public 1/2 day K and preschool next yr for my kids. My opinion right now is that we will give the public school a chance, if that doesn't work out, we'll HS. However, I dread the social isolation of being a HSer in my area...

 

[mom2ponygirl]

I wonder if the K stage is just harder on everyone. People want so badly to make the right choice and perhaps they simply don't want to hear about someone doing something different. They might have to start doubting their choice again. LOL

It just seems that as my kid and my friends' kids get more to the middle school and older ages, that people get more comfortable with different choices. Not everyone of course, but more people seem to get that home school works for this situation and public school works for that one, and private school was the best for someone else.

We're going to do them all! Started with private Montessori, then home school, and next year part-time charter public school and home school. We've probably been looked down upon by just about every group imaginable by now!

 

[Greenmama2AJ]

I love and trust the public school system

My DS is still a youngun' so hopefully he will do o.k when he gets there.

I lecture in education and education psych. at university and I have faith that there are excellent (and awful) teachers in all systems - I mark their assignments/journals before they leave, ha. I've also researched alternative schools like Steiner and Montessori and I'm not sure it fits with my own philosophy. I love their basic ideologies but I don't like how Steiner stifles creativity and how Montessori has so many "rules" and focusses on controlling work vs play. I strongly believe in play based /imaginative learning in the younger years, which is the norm at public schools.

Most of my friends children go to private schools though and they strongly support their choices. I think it's awesome that my DS is priviledged enough to live in a country with such a wonderful free education system.

 

[meemee]

i have not faced that issue. if i could afford it i would definitely first choice co-op homeschool my dd or send her to private school. public school is just not a good choice for her. we both feel bad about it. so we try to do fun things after school to have some balance in her day.

i think its sad that there is this social distinction just based on where your child goes to school. we dont have that.

 

[SleeplessMommy]

Our priority is the educational outcome for our child. He is in public school and he is doing great there. It would be like a full time job for me to duplicate the education he is getting there (gym, music, spelling, math, socialization) - and not a full time job I would be good at. I appreciate that he is somewhere safe, learning things, and interacting with a group of kids his own age.

You have to do what is best for your child and family - with the economy in its current condition, more of the private school kids are ending up in public also.