[ReadingMama]

I feel valued in the presence of other homeschooling moms. I feel valued by my son, who struggled so much in public school and begged to be homeschooled. I feel valued by my friends, who encourage me and admire all that I can do while living with a disability.

I do not feel valued by my husband or the rest of the family. The only comments my husband makes about homeschool are things like, "In 3rd grade, I remember learning XYZ. Why aren't you teaching him that?" or, "What do you actually do in a day? It seems like he just plays on the computer and watches TV all day."

Other people in the family just don't say anything. That's better than criticism, but it's not supportive or affirming.

It doesn't really bother me about extended family, but my husband's comments tick me off. They hurt too. There's no, "Thank you for taking the responsibility for our son's education when public school didn't work out." There's no, "Thanks for being such a devoted mom." No, "Good job helping ds work around his learning and anxiety issues." Just criticism.

How is it for you?

 

[Callimom]

I'm lucky in that my husband greatly values my contribution to our family including taking on most of the homeschooling tasks. I imagine it must be very hard to not feel valued by your husband for something so intrinsic to your family.

Does he share the work with you? That might give him a different perpsective.

 

[ReadingMama]

You are lucky. My husband doesn't seem to realize that I don't define myself or decide whether or not I'm successful by how clean the house is or how many times I've cooked in a week. He defines me as a housewife. I say I'm not a housewife. I'm a homeschooling mom, and while I may choose to do the majority of the cleaning and half of the cooking, that is just a small part of what I do. I say if he thinks I'm not doing my part, it's because he doesn't value what I am successful at--namely, being a good mother, educating our child, learning, organization/paperwork/errands, or "the business" of the household, being a good friend, etc... Apparently we value different things.

As far as him helping with school, I recently asked him to do a science project with ds once a week. He doesn't do any schooling with ds, but he does read science fiction and fantasy to ds before bed and they do cub scouts together. Dh is a very conventional person and anything that strays from the norm bothers him. If I had school in a box and lots of written work to prove that we schooled for 3 or more hours a day, studying everything that a public school 3rd grader studies, dh might be happier with it. When it comes down to it, I don't think he trusts me to adequately educate our son. And I don't know if it's that he doesn't trust homeschooling in general, or if it's just me (since he obviously can't trust me to keep a clean enough house...)

:

 

[Mama~Love]

I am so sorry your husband does not support you

. I don't feel supported at all either with HSing. Sometimes I think DH is just waiting for me to "fail" so he can prove a point

, whatever that might be.

My family has not said one word to me about HSing, so I have no idea what they think about it.

 

[elizawill]

oh mama, i'm so sorry. that's a tough one for sure. without my husband's support, homeschooling would be hard!! the few times i've been discouraged and wanted to throw in the towel - my dh was the one who encouraged me and told me i was doing great. he isn't really clued in on all of the homeschooling 411, lol...but he is 100% supportive financially, emotionally, mentally, etc. he stands behind our decision and totally feels this is the right path for our family. he trust me and stands behind me. that means the world.

as for friends or family...well, of course their support helps. i prefer silence over criticism though. i'm sure my parents don't feel homeschooling is the greatest choice, ...but i will give them kudos for putting on their game face and acting like they support me, lol. mostly they never really talk about it or mention it ever...which suits me just fine honestly.

i do think support from friends and family is valued though. i think my children deserve that from loved ones.

anyway, hang in there!

 

[UUMom]

That must be sad and frustrating. When you share your heart with him about this, how does he react? Does he belittle , in general? It might not be so much a hsing issue as much as a basic respect issue.

In my case, we'd been wanting to hs for a while, but a variety of life circumstances weren't cooperating. When things did start to fall into place, we were both so happy. He loves that we're a hsing family. And believe me, we're not discovering the cure for a cancer here or anything.