[Mimi]

I read very few "blogs" , most of them about homeschooling.
One of the mothers recently posted that her 4 year old daughter decided that she wants to go to school, & how sad she is with that decision.
I have been thinking about it, & I am reasonably sure that I would not let my children decide. Especially at 4 years old they do not know anythign about school yet, they imagine it as this magical fun place full of toys & games,
& I just don't think I would even consider giving my childrne the choice.
Maybe when they are older they can make an informed decision, but at 4 years old, no way!
What are your thoughts on this?

 

[tankgirl73]

I totally agree with you. I'm all for giving kids age-appropriate, empowering choices and control over their life. But there are many decisions they're just not able to make because they don't have the knowledge or the life experience to judge and weigh the options appropriately.

A four-year-old has never been to school, and only knows what TV shows that glorify school and their friends (likely in play-based preschools) tell them, so like you said they have a false impression. They also have never experienced homeschooling in comparison with public school. They just don't understand what they're choosing between.

Would you ask a 4yo "Should we move to Fresno or to Dallas?" Or "Should we go to an inn or a B&B for our vacation?" Or "Should we buy an Impala or a Malibu?" Or "Should we get our insurance from Aflack or Met?"

Arguably, you would say, those aren't decisions that directly affect the child in the way that schooling does. But I think it's the same kind of thing anyway.

 

[Plummeting]

At that age I wouldn't, but I can't say what I'd do in someone else's situation. I don't know their kid or the schools they have nearby. Their kid might be a super-extrovert who needs constant companionship and/or they might have access to a really great school.

 

[elizawill]

my dd wanted to go to school at age 4 too & we didn't let her. we are so glad that she didn't go! we love homeschooling.

 

[karemore]

I'm sure at some point in the next year or so my DD will start asking to go to school.

I'll listen to all her reasons and let her know I understand her feelings, but the decision is not hers to make at this stage.

 

[harmonyhobbit]

My children do not have a choice. At his point, the school they would attend is extremely subpar. There are cultural and religous factors at play and my son is a spectrum child. He is thriving at home, but would not fare well in a school environment.
If our situation was different, if we had acces to quality schools and our children wanted to try school (right now they have no desire), we might consider it. However, I tend to believe that our standards for schools are virtually unattainable. So extremely unlikely.

 

[elfinbaby]

No, it's not up to my kids. My dd also wants to eat twinkies every morning for breakfast but she doesn't get to do that either

 

[fruitfulmomma]

My kids have never asked, but no they don't have a choice.

 

[purslaine]

Not at 4 (or 5, 6, 7,)

Maybe with an 8 or 9 year old.

 

[Mizelenius]

DH was REALLY against homeschooling, so none of us (except him) had a choice when DD was 4. It was assumed she'd go to school-- and she did. But, when she was unhappy in school (at the age of 6) I did give her the choice-- continue in school or homeschool. She chose homeschooling. I would let her go back if she wanted, though in my eyes, nothing has changed (she hasn't, the school model hasn't) so I don't think she'd be happy. But I'd let her go.

 

[LilyGrace]

Yes, there is a choice.

I believe learning can only happen when a child is interested and involved. This isn't a journey of MY education, it belongs to him.

Each year we explore all the options, and he makes the final decision. He's going through this right now, in fact, polling his friends to find out what their day is like, if they're learning what he wants to learn next year. I already have his list for home-ed and am just waiting for him to confirm one way or the other.

I don't believe school settings are ideal. Nor do I believe a home with limited resources (including time) is ideal. But I'm willing to put his education in his hands year by year so that he understands the true meaning of this time in his life - to learn. Not to be taught, but simply to learn. I trust him to think his choices through thoroughly and he trusts me to ask questions and back him up when he does make that decision.

A 4yo is slightly different. A 4yo does not have the exposure and information that a 10yo does. Therefore I think it's best to go slower, trying out a summer program or taking it month by month, along with asking the all important questions of why and what. WHY does she want to go to school? WHAT does she want to learn? If what she wants to learn isn't offered, then this isn't the place for her. If the reasons why can be met other ways, then those should be sought out. But she has to be a willing party. If she's not, it doesn't matter where she is - the situation won't be the best for her.

 

[mommy2abigail]

No. On her 4th birthday, dd stated that she couldn't wait to turn 5 so she could go to real school. I explained that she IS is school, at home to which she cried "I don't want to homeschool!!! I want to go to REAL school!" I was so torn up about it, because it did feel like a slight on my parenting, like she wanted to get away from me. Even though I know it's not it at all, it still kinda sucked. Then I talked to my wise friend and she straightened me up.

She kind of gave me the same analogy as above, giving her choices about things she knows nothing about. Around here school age is 3, and school is talked about, glorified and kids are brain washed to want to attend. Anyway, what we did to help dd was to get a kindy workbook and call it her school. We do it most days, still her choice. I've also talked to her about the negative aspect of school to balance out all the brain washing.

:

 

[Mizelenius]

One more thing. I don't think, if a child is HAPPY at school that going damages the child-- so maybe that is where some of us differ. My child was clearly unhappy, which is why she doesn't go anymore.

 

[zeldamomma]

I wouldn't let a 4 year old choose. I would absolutely let a 14 year old choose to go to school (though I wouldn't necessarily let a 14 year old choose any school they could find). Exactly where the transition age is would depend on the child and his/her reasons for wanting to go to school. If my 8 year old wanted to go to school next year, I'd definitely let her try it. I *think* I'd let my 6 year old try, but we'd probably try to find a way for her to visit a school for the day once or twice first.

ZM

 

[mommy68]

I wouldn't let my children decide on what type of school they will attend at that young of an age. They've only been in the world 4 years.

That's hardly enough time to know a lot about anything other than playing. My oldest was given the opportunity to choose whether to go to 4th grade in a school a few years back and we all agreed "together" on it at that point. However, he only attended that school for a little over a year and a half and has been back at home doing school since then. But at 10 years old I felt he was old enough to be included in the decision at that time. Now at age 14 he is adamant about not wanting to ever go back to school outside the home.

 

[theretohere]

Not at this time. I know DD would be a bad fit at our local public school- and there are no other options unless we drive 35+ miles each way.

 

[mommy68]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mommy2abigail No. On her 4th birthday, dd stated that she couldn't wait to turn 5 so she could go to real school. I explained that she IS is school, at home to which she cried "I don't want to homeschool!!! I want to go to REAL school!"

Some of that may have to do with the fact that a child that young sees other children going to school and they want to do what the other children their age are doing.

My DD would have stayed in school last year had we not made the decision to remove her at the end of her kindergarten year. But she would have chosen to do so only because of the social aspect and being around kids her own age all day. She did not like learning in a school and hated sitting at a table all day and following strict rules. She loves being at home.

 

[chfriend]

Yes, mine make the choice. The 4 year old is horrified at the idea of school. Her older sister wanted to go to school like her friends when she was 4. We talked about what school would be like. When she found out it was a "drop off" it was a no-go for her.

We enrolled her in enrichment classes called "Friday School." That was all she needed.

 

[Lady Bonbon]

Definitely not! They cannot make an informed decision at 4. DS wanted to go to school at 4, but that's just because his friends on the street were.

 

[the_lissa]

My dd goes to public school, but yes I let her make the choice, and if she was not happy at school or wanted to homeschool, I would accommodate that.