[Yin Yang]

Some threads on this sub-forum made me think how many of us have a real hot passionate marriage?

Some of you in other thread mentioned leaving their husband because you don't feel that heat any more. YOu still love him, but you are not turned on by him.

I wonder, what is it we are really searching for? I do have to admit, that I still think of my past relationship that was about 9 years ago....it was the only passionat relationship I've ever had. It was sexy, hot, sparky, everything you can immagine. But it was only physical thing, at least I think. But I can NOT stop thinking about it. Does it happen only once in a lifetime or should we search for something like that all the time? And I mean that heat, passion, not just the physical part. It seems to me that it never comes together - mental and physical understanding.
I love my husband, I respect him, but I never felt the way I felt in my past relationship

It makes me sad because from all my heart I wish my heart would speed up when I look into his eyes and all I'd think of would be love and sex......but I don't.

So again, do you have your dream passionate marriage/ partner?

 

[Colorful~Mama]

i do. but its a second marriage i dont' know if that has anything to do with it. I was a single mama with a 5yo when i met him and he was hot. Gorgeous. Washboard stomache, long hair, gorgeous jawline - kinda like jim morrison. in my eyes - the most beautiful man i'd ever met. Thought he'd be a fling, (i actually described him to a friend at the time as my new 'boy toy' ) cuz he was not "marriage material".....but nine years later and two kids later we're still together.

i look at him with lust to the point where he gets embarassed sometimes. He has gained 40lbs (so have i), he cut off his long gorgeous hair, but he's still freaking HOT to me. I love sex with him and when i look at him sometimes its all i can think about . he tells me i'm a nut tho... he's a plumber with a beer belly. LOL

 

[asherah]

Well it is funny, because for all the problems in my marriage.. there is still a lot of "heat" between us.

But the heat doesn't seem to be very warming when everything else is so difficult.

 

[Lucky Charm]

Quote:

Originally Posted by asherah But the heat doesn't seem to be very warming when everything else is so difficult.

Truer words might never have been written.....

 

[Faithsmom]

Yes, I am very turned on by my husband. I'm always grabbing at his tight little butt. I do realize though that we do go through "cycles" in which we are hot and heavy for awhile and then we cool down. These "cycles" happen in sometimes weeks, sometimes months. We recognize that this is what happens in real life, we do not live in a soap opera or a movie. Understanding that the passion will return, and it will be good when it does and this does not mean there is a "problem" in our relationship keeps our marriage strong. Sometimes real life just gets in the way. I can't even count how many times we have been all over each other during the day, and by the time our DD goes to sleep at night we look at each other and we're just too tired.

 

[philomom]

My hubby has a low sex drive. He only wants it once in awhile. I do my best to convince him that he wants me more than once a week.

When I do get him into bed, it totally rocks! Bed on fire, sizzlin kind of stuff. Yum.

 

[Galatea]

Oh, my husband is hot and sexy and I always look at him lustfully. All he has to do is flash me for a second and I am turned on. Sex ends up being a 5-alarm deal (when we can get ds to stay asleep for long enough!) I also love him as a person and a friend. Everything is wonderful and hot and sweet and all that and a bag of chips.

 

[sagewinna]

Dh and I are always kissing and hugging... Whispering sweet nothings... We tease each other a lot, we both find the other pretty irresistable! We are best friends who also turn each other on! It rocks. I am very blessed.

 

[fluffernutter]

...and here I am trying to convince myself that kind of stuff only happens in the movies.
:LOL

 

[green betty]

3 years into our relationship I am still pinching myself. I never would have believed it could be this good. (So good that I caught myself calculating exactly what day we'd be able to have sex again WHILE I was getting stitches on the delivery table ten minutes after the birth of our son!)

Also a second marriage here. Dh is 19 yrs older than me, bald and a bit paunchy. Most people thought I was crazy. But it was just... right. Following my heart despite public opinion has worked out aces for me a number of times in recent years.

Making love with dh is magical. He's my best friend and truly my partner in everything. I'm so grateful that our ds gets to grow up witnessing this kind of relationship.

 

[cappuccinosmom]

I wouldn't use the words "hot" or "passionate".

But except for the very worst of times, when we have trouble coming to agreement on something...except for that, it is pleasantly warm all the time and I'm perfectly satisfied with that.

I think he's very handsome, and he tells me I'm beautiful, and we're attracted to each other, but there's not a whole lot of ogling and drooling that goes on.

I suppose hot and spicy would be nice in ways, but I'd never, never give up my sweet dh in search of it.

 

[momto l&a]

Our realtionship is always growing, changing and we dont have a movie type love life but we do have a impressive one

Dh and I love to look back and see how our relationship has changed since we met, got married and having children. It has has really matured and grown strong.

We dont often have the time or energy but when we do watch out

We are each others first.

We adore each other and to think I have had 2 people tell me not to marry the man I did. I listened to their reasons but found what they where concerned about did not apply to him.

 

[Tuesday]

Well, I'm plain envious of couples that are emotionally close and physically passionate. I have been in relationships (a past one like Yin Yang mentioned) and had very very strong physically hot relationships but they generally not so "hot" in the companion/friendship department. My husband and I met when we were younger and I thought he was sweet and handsome and we started dating I was attracted but after a few months any real passion seemed to fade on my part. We broke up about 10 years ago - I was the one who ended the relationship and it was mostly for this reason - I couldn't picture marrying someone I didn't have such a physical connection with. But, after another 5 years, we got back together because I honestly, despite having more physical relationships in the past, thought he was a soulmate, a best friend. I miss that side of the relationship. Before DS, I had to work at cultivating passion and now DS is here, it's faded again. I don't understand how I can feel like DH is a soulmate yet rarely feel interested in him physically and yet I dated a fellow not too long ago who, although hardly a soulmate, was someone I was wildly attracted to ... easily consumating the relationship several times a day - every day. I can not imagine that sort of thing with DH. I honestly understand now why people stray in their relationships sometimes - missing being sexual is tough. And if any of you with passionate relationships have any ideas, I'd love to hear them.

 

[Verity]

Part of me is envious, too, but the sane part of me realizes how incredibly lucky I am to have a dh who is good to me and the children.

If all I have to complain about is a dh who is less than passionate, I've got it made. I agree with another poster (I can't remember whether it was on this thread or on another in Parents as Partners) who said that passion is adolescent stuff. Sure, it would be nice, but so would, say, not having to worry about money. Some people have certain things in life; some don't. "It's not having what you want; it's wanting what you've got." I have a dh who is kind, hardworking, funny, and sometimes sweet. I have a nice home. I have three terrific kids. I think I'm being pretty ungrateful to pout about not having more!!!

 

[pilesoflaundry]

Quote:

Originally Posted by asherah Well it is funny, because for all the problems in my marriage.. there is still a lot of "heat" between us. But the heat doesn't seem to be very warming when everything else is so difficult.

This is us. The passion is definitly there, tons of it but it all feels really empty afterwards because of all the problems. I often joke with dh the passion is the only part of marriage we can get right.

 

[Kristina]

Our marrage is awsome in this area ~if we can find the time, or not fall asleep before we get the chance! :LOL

 

[becca011906]

I though we had lost all the "spice" and "pation" in our marriage about 1.5 years ago, then BOOM it's back, kinda odd, we are having as much sex as we had before kids, not sure if it's our age, or what but i don't think we lost the "spice" sure i wish he would be more afectnate, a kiss out of no where, or holding my hand more often (not to easy when we have three kids we are toting around) LOL but still we are both very much in love with eachother and you need to be open to "new" ideas to keep it hot i think,that's what works for us!

 

[sunnmama]

Well, I no longer get shivers every time dh touches me. That level of lust is long gone, lol. But I remember it, and I can bring back the passion (if only for an evening) by thinking about it....mmmm

But day to day, I think our marriage is comfortable. And playful. And loving. Those things much more so than passionate. That said, dh and I have plans tonight after dd is asleep--and I bet that passion will be making a special appearance

 

[grisandole]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Colorful~Mama i do. but its a second marriage i dont' know if that has anything to do with it. I was a single mama with a 5yo when i met him and he was hot. Gorgeous. Washboard stomache, long hair, gorgeous jawline - kinda like jim morrison. in my eyes - the most beautiful man i'd ever met. Thought he'd be a fling, (i actually described him to a friend at the time as my new 'boy toy' ) cuz he was not "marriage material".....but nine years later and two kids later we're still together. i look at him with lust to the point where he gets embarassed sometimes. He has gained 40lbs (so have i), he cut off his long gorgeous hair, but he's still freaking HOT to me. I love sex with him and when i look at him sometimes its all i can think about . he tells me i'm a nut tho... he's a plumber with a beer belly. LOL

How wonderful that you have this after nine years of marriage! I envy you. I love my dh, but don't have that kind of passion for him, and it makes me very sad. Sure, I want sex every few days, but it's not like I want HIM, if that makes sense.

He is a good looking man, but the passion just isn't there for me. Hasn't been since we moved from CA to IL in 2001.

Kristi

 

[grisandole]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tuesday Well, I'm plain envious of couples that are emotionally close and physically passionate. I have been in relationships (a past one like Yin Yang mentioned) and had very very strong physically hot relationships but they generally not so "hot" in the companion/friendship department. My husband and I met when we were younger and I thought he was sweet and handsome and we started dating I was attracted but after a few months any real passion seemed to fade on my part. We broke up about 10 years ago - I was the one who ended the relationship and it was mostly for this reason - I couldn't picture marrying someone I didn't have such a physical connection with. But, after another 5 years, we got back together because I honestly, despite having more physical relationships in the past, thought he was a soulmate, a best friend. I miss that side of the relationship. Before DS, I had to work at cultivating passion and now DS is here, it's faded again. I don't understand how I can feel like DH is a soulmate yet rarely feel interested in him physically and yet I dated a fellow not too long ago who, although hardly a soulmate, was someone I was wildly attracted to ... easily consumating the relationship several times a day - every day. I can not imagine that sort of thing with DH. I honestly understand now why people stray in their relationships sometimes - missing being sexual is tough. And if any of you with passionate relationships have any ideas, I'd love to hear them.

Thank you! I feel that way alot, I miss my sexual side. DH is still passionate about me, but I just don't feel it much anymore. And it makes me feel lost and incomplete. I'm trying to sort out all of my emotions. I love dh, I'm attracted to him; I just don't have any passion for him, and when we are intimate, I just go through the motions but don't feel anything emotionally, yk?

What the heck is wrong with me?

Kristi