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I have one friend and I really don't like her at all.<br><br>
When do you decide to end the friendship?
 

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this was a fairly worthwhile and quick read-<br><br><a href="http://www.curledup.com/whatdidi.htm" target="_blank">http://www.curledup.com/whatdidi.htm</a><br><br>
just to add some perspective, really. didn't radically change the way i deal with this as much as it made me stop and think about the topic.<br><br>
good luck! i'm sure there are lots of wonderful friends you haven't made yet out there....
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>texaspeach</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7910915"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I have in the past. I just slowly faded out of the picture.</div>
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Me, too, and still going strong. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"> My husband's in the CG and we're stationed in AK. I have no one around me I genuinely like in that I'd never be friends with these people if we weren't all thrown together by circumstance. I've just faded away from them and I'm much happier for it.
 

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i have one friend who i have really cut down my relationship with tremendously. i think it has helped our relationship more to be honest.<br><br>
i have a few people who i have very happily cut out of my life who were pseudo-friends. mostly only friends to my face and that was it. im so glad to be rid of them as i just cant stand childish games.<br><br>
i decide to end friendships when they are too emotionally draining to handle. if i feel like i need a therapist after talking or even being around them, then its time to part ways. i like to surround myself with positive people who look at bigger pictures rather than those who focus one the tiny speck of dirt and allow that to fester and ruin them.
 

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Wouldn't that not liking aspect make the person an acquaintance rather than a friend?
 

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well, to me, i took the question as, 'what do you do when you stop liking a friend.' i have friends, who were real friends, but we have just grown apart or something, and are no longer friends, or now qualify more as aquaintances.
 

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Yes, I have had ppl rather attach themselves to me and *they* decided that we were friends. Ive had one sided friendships, where I felt like I was definately thier friend (there for them, they could cry on my shoulder, Id drop my own plans if they needed me, I was around if they wanted to take in a movie on sat. night etc,) but they were not really MY friend (not there when I needed them, never accepted my invites when I wanted to do something etc). And there are the energy vampires, those really needy ppl who just suck the positive energy right out of you.<br><br>
After my divorce I took a break from dating and I really did a lot of self examination and therapy and journaling etc. and one othe conclusions I came to was that I needed to fill my life with positive ppl and real friendships, I had to cut the ppl who drained me and not just men like my X, women who were not *really* my friends. It has been an excellent policy. My only problem is that Im very nonconfrontational so I do the whole just avoid the person thing and looking back, that was probally confusing and hurtful for the other person. But I have since moved far away and I cant see reopening any of those doors.
 

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Like Angela, I have a couple "friends" that are draining and exhausting. Totally one-sided and negative influences in my life. I don't know why I bother with the friendships ... one friend I think is still in my life because we have such a long history together and the other friend I think because our kids are friends so I just tolerate it - but this particular friend my other friends and my husband can't stand and think I should end the friendship. I wish I could be brave enough to talk to her about my feelings, but whenever we talk I feel like she belittles me so I just know it would be awkward and I would end up feeling silly and stupid. Sigh. How does one bring up the subject???
 

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I'm facing doing this right now. It's no fun, but I think it's important to be clear.<br>
Otherwise people tend to keep calling- I've never found fading away effective.
 

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Some friends are like last year's summer sandals. You keep them until you're able to go out and get new ones. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
(Sorta joking, but not really. Maybe that's why I don't have many friends! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> )
 

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Just ease them out. Don't call and slowly don't return their calls. Let much time go by between visits and then don't visit. It doesn't have to be mean, you can simply "grow apart" from one another.
 

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I'm dealing with this, too. One in particular. She's the one who decided we were friends and wants to get together. I realized one day (after spending a few hours with her at a park) that I didn't enjoy being around her and I was always very aware of the time and how soon I could leave.<br>
You don't have to be friends with everyone.. I would still be friend<i>ly</i> with her, but I don't want to get-together with her.<br>
In my instance, I had to realize that just because we had quite a few things in common (AP-style parenting,etc) we are totally different people.<br>
I think phasing her out is the best option, chances are that feelings won't be hurt.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>philomom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7911875"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Just ease them out. Don't call and slowly don't return their calls. Let much time go by between visits and then don't visit. It doesn't have to be mean, you can simply "grow apart" from one another.</div>
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mama2babybeans</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7911919"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">You don't have to be friends with everyone.. I would still be friend<i>ly</i> with her, but I don't want to get-together with her.</div>
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I agree with the above said. I am at a place in my life right now whereby I am learning how to value myself in every way and part of the plan involves learning to direct my limited energy/time only to things/people who would have any positive impact in my life at all. So for me, the deal breakers are simple- if I find myself watching my watch alot when I'm with her, or if I find that somehow this person just brings out the worst in me, or that I dont feel energised/relaxed/natural/comfortable in/after her presence, the deal is off. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>philomom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7911875"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Just ease them out. Don't call and slowly don't return their calls. Let much time go by between visits and then don't visit. It doesn't have to be mean, you can simply "grow apart" from one another.</div>
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But that IS mean. I've had two people do that to me in the past few years (one being dd1's godmother), and while I respect that they don't want to be friends, the courtesy of an explanation would have been nice - my dd was very close to her gmother (she was an aunt by love), and both girls were close to my other friend's dd. What am I supposed to tell them?<br><br>
Plus, if I know why they dropped me, and it's something about me, I can work to prevent it with others.
 

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Yep, going to end it with her. I'm sick of being supportive and getting nothing in return. She told me I was a good friend and I think that is true, but I can't say the same for her. Sh is emotionally needy, a taker, controlling and it's no wonder that she has alienated her entire family. I honestly think I kept her around as long as I did because she has the same cell phone provider and we can talk for free LOL
 

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Currently I don't have this problem, but have a couple times in the past. For me I always liked the person as in I could have a good time hanging out with them, but I had problems tolerating some major character flaw, such as excessive lying or petty theivery or in one instance, hypochondria. Usually in the end they did something that pushed me over the edge and I blew up on them and ended the friendship.
 

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I have this problem, totally. There are several people in my and dp's social circle who I either disdain or totally can't stand. But they consider me their friend. I've known them all for 10-15 years, and can't seem to get them out of my life. Luckily, dp knows I can't stand these people, and does what he can to minimize our contact. But we do a lot of group activities, and they are not totally avoidable.<br><br>
There is one woman in particular, let's call her C, who drives me bat-poop crazy. She is a mom, and is totally neglectful of her kids. And C's friend, let's call her L, was showing pictures of her 11yr old daughter, lying on top of a bed with her 13-14yo boyfriend, bragging about how sweet it is, bcs the boyfriend is the son of another one of her friends. EW! I just want to give both of these women a copy of <span style="text-decoration:underline;">Protecting the Gift</span>. Dp always congratulates me on my ability to hold my tongue with them.<br><br>
Basically, I have no advice. Just wanted to commiserate (sp?)
 
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