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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am wondering about other people's help in the home situation. If you are a SAHM, do you have anyone helping you? If yes, is it a family member or someone that you pay? If you are a WAHM, do you have help while you are working? If you are a WOHM, do you use a daycare situation or have help in your home?<br><br>
For myself, I just cannot handle everything without some help. I am a SAHM and since the baby arrived, I have help everyday. It is someone I have hired, as my family even though they live close by, are not very helpful. My mom visits once a week, but I still have someone helping me that day.<br><br>
I feel I cannot get everything done in the house. I take care of the children, and the woman who helps me does everything else. If I have to run short errands, I will leave the baby with her.<br><br>
I long for the day where I don't need it, because I really don't always like someone else in the house. I like my solitude.<br><br>
Anyway, I was wondering about others situations. Thanks.
 

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help....haha - whats that? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
im a sahm and i think that if i told my husband i needed help he would laugh at me. i have a hard enough time getting him to let me stay out of work.<br><br>
ur lucky you have the means to afford the help and the husband that understands.
 

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I'm a WOHM and I'm doing it solo during the 9-5, but I get a huge break from DH when he gets home. How he does it is beyond me--it's like he works day and night!
 

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I wish so much that i did. My mom had help all while we were growing up.
 

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I think it is a tragedy how isolated many modern SAHM's are (including myself). It's lonely and almost impossible to "do it all" around the house when you have children, especially young ones. I often think about how for centuries, in many cultures women had family and neighbors to help. Often family living right in their home. I think in our American quest for independence and freedom to live the way we want to we have lost practical everyday help!<br><br>
Anyway, I just moved from AZ to CA and have no one to help but DH. He does what he can but we moved here for a big promotion for him and he has to work long hours right now. I found myself completly run down after having a baby earlier this year and then moving. I never thought of hiring someone to come in to help. I know I couldn't afford every day but maybe a day or two a week. How did you go about finding the woman who helps you?
 

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I dont have any help either. I think DH would also laughed if I ask for it. That said DH is VERY lax about how the house is kept. He's totally down with our house being trashed. I'm trying to do better but its so hard. I'm tired from being pregnant and my son is a crazy pants. My DH also helps with house work on the weekends, which I greatly appreciate. I'm hoping one day we can move to CA and be with DH's family. then I will have help from his mom.<br><br>
I have thought of putting DS in preschool when he turns 3, a few days a week, but I dont know. I probably wont. Its expensive and so I doubt we could.<br><br>
I agree how much it sucks that SAHMs are so very isolated. I feel even more that way because we only have 1 car and its freezing so we can't go for walks, and my city has no bus system. I am getting a car after this baby comes so YAY!
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/ROTFLMAO.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rotflmao"><br><br>
Seriously, no. DH and I do everything by ourselves. We live very far from our parents and we don't hire "help".<br><br>
I'm on maternity leave now, so I'm not really a SAHM, but I will be next year because we're moving. I work part time and am writing a dissertation. We find that it's easy to keep a fairly clean house if we just do things as needed when we see them. For instance, DH will keep the laundry going before leaving for work, I'll empty the dish washer while he's holding DD or while she's in a sling, etc.<br><br>
Our house isn't spotless, but it's clean.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
I agree, that it is shame that there is a stigma on the concept of "help". I really think that a lot of PPD is because of isolation and mamas feeling overwhelmed. To the pp that asked how I hire help, I go about it from word of mouth. I asked my friends to ask their babysitters or housekeepers if they knew anyone, and I always find someone. I interview and do a background check. I have also used an agency.<br><br>
My DH likes the house kept a certain way, and so do I really but dont want to take time away from the kids. DD is in school and has homework and I want to be able to help her without having to do other things. So, it works for us. I wish m famly could help more, but my mom and MIL always had someone helping them, so they just want to visit, not help.
 

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I am a SAHM and I do not have help. Except for when I am ill, and I have been ill lately. My Mom comes up from a few states away. We do pay her. She stays with us for 10 days or so at a time. When I am well, I have no help other than my DH, of course.
 

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My mom lives 10 min away. She takes DD one morning a week and DS one afternoon a week. I still have the baby w/ me all the time (he is nursing). No help in the home w/ cleaning and whatnot.
 

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i am a sahm and i do not have help.<br><br>
my oldest is in school, but the little 2 are home with me all the time. well, they have been going to childwatch at the y for 2 hours/week lately, but other than that....<br><br>
i have had housecleaning help in the past, but on a bi-weekly basis, rather than daily.<br><br>
my family is all far away, and dh's mom is only 1.5 hours away, but our relationship with her is very difficult and strained these days so we don't see her much.<br><br>
i am trying to find a mother's helper/babysitter for a few hours/week so i can run and/or do errands solo.<br><br>
ideally, i think i would have housecleaning help weekly and a mother's helper/babysitter an hour or two, two or three days a week. actually, ideally i'd have housecleaning help weekly AND my mom close enough that she could hang out with the kids 2/3 times a week while i run AND that she and i could hang out with the kids even more than that.
 

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I have no help. I do the best I can but my house is a wreck most of the time. I'm a sahm and we don't live near family.
 

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I've had quite a bit of help DD2's first year. First off, I've had a cleaning person since DD1 was a toddler, DH and I agreed to that years ago so we can remain married. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> He is a clean freak, I am clean as well, but there is no way I can live up to his standards. My mom helped out daily until we had to move when DD2 was 5 months old, then my sister moved in to help out. Had my mom not dropped her life to help us then yes we would of been hiring someone to assist. There was no way I could manage DD1, DD2 was in and out of hospitals, when we were home then we were house bound except for all the doc visits, which someone had to drive us to. DH had taken so much time off of work, he could take anymore time off. My mom stepped in and did all of our shopping, drove DD1 everywhere, cared for her a large portion of the time, it was a rare day when she wasn't helping us.
 

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I'm a wahm (painter) and currently I have friends and family who help with the kids when I ask. I have a houscleaner that comes biweekly, and she is a godsend. However, with Axel approaching 3 and dropping his nap, and now 2 kids, I expect to have to pick up some hired help a couple times a week, or to stop painting. I'm burning out. Three year old's are crazy.<br>
A
 

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I am a SAHM and I homeschool my second grader and my kindergartener. I have a 2 yr old and a 6 week old.<br><br>
I hired a part time nanny. I had ppd after my second and my third, and I hired a housekeeper to come once a week after my third baby came. I kept her till end of pregnancy with my fourth, and now my nanny helps me with the housework a little.<br><br>
Her duties are: manage the girls cleanup of toys and stuff in basement play area and craft area, living room, and their bedrooms, she does their laundry and puts it away/assists the big girls in putting theirs away, supervises my oldests doing dishes and my 2 big girls doing chores, she makes sure the kitchen and craft areas are clean before she leaves, she plays inside and outside with them can take them to the park, etc while I am homeschooling... this is her first nanny job, and we are both learning how things work, so to speak. She is 22. I pay her about 30 extra dollars a week to help with some minor/moderate housework.<br><br>
I havent had a chance to nap since my mom left when I was a week post partum. It takes 2 of us to just keep things going around here all day. My nanny comes Mon and Wed all day, and Tues and Thurs mornings.<br><br>
We expected to have her work for us till Christmas, and will probably keep her on thru the school year. Next fall, maybe I will try to have a homeschooled teen come a few mornings or afternoons a week.<br><br>
I second the thought that isolation and feeligns of being overwhelmed can contribute to ppd. My husband works fulltime and takes a class, and those two things keep him at the office an average of 70 hrs a week. I ahve no family here.<br><br>
I love having help. I coped for a long time without help and was fine. Busy and sometimes overwhelmed, but fine. having a third and now a fourth, I am finding that my personality and skills do not lend themselves to being able to deal with the needs of 4 kids and to homeschool in any adequate fashion at the same time. For us, it was either put some kids in school, or bring in some help.<br><br>
I dont want my kids raised with having a nanny all the time. I want to develop management skills for my own home that will help me teach my children how to run and house and homeschool and cook and clean and do most stuff. But right now is not that time. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Right now I am still on leave. Both of our families live over an hour away, but my mom comes down about once a week on one of her days off to visit (my daughter is the first grandchild for both sides). My husband works a lot of hours but also helps with chores when he comes home. My mom would help clean if I asked her, but it's nice to just have another pair of hands to take the baby when she is fussy, and having an adult to talk to during the day is great, too! I definitely think being alone too much can cause you to get down on things.<br><br>
After the new year I will be going back to work, but will be doing most of my work from home. There will be one day I know I will need to go into the office, and my mother will be coming that day each week to watch Mary. I am hoping to work the other four days from home, if that winds up not working out, I will actually be switching jobs and taking one with a second shift opportunity so that I do not need to get daycare. I don't make enough at my job to make paying for daycare "worth it," as I would be taking home very little after paying for all that childcare. (I will be giving my mother gas money to drive up here, but that's a far cry from the $200+ a week most daycares around here charge!)
 

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Um, no. Our house also looks a certain way, like people we love live there.<br><br><br><br>
If you don't want people there all the time that you hire, but feel stuck because of how your DH expects the house to look, I'd be tempted to ask him if he really wanted a family. Because, seriously, no ones house has a kids *and* looks like a magazine spread. Being a parent means changing your lifestyle sometimes, and giving up things you may not have realized weren't possible before kids. Including a picture perfect home.
 

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She said she liked the house a certain way too, not just her DH. And it's great that she can afford to have someone there to help her. It takes a village. It doesn't have to be family. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>artgoddess</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9897124"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Um, no. Our house also looks a certain way, like people we love live there.<br><br><br><br>
If you don't want people there all the time that you hire, but feel stuck because of how your DH expects the house to look, I'd be tempted to ask him if he really wanted a family. Because, seriously, no ones house has a kids *and* looks like a magazine spread. Being a parent means changing your lifestyle sometimes, and giving up things you may not have realized weren't possible before kids. Including a picture perfect home.</div>
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Wow, that was really mean. My DH and myself like a clean home and both of us would prefer to spend the time with our family than clean or do laundry. I don't feel stuck at all. actually think I am very lucky to be able to stay home and DH offer 2 people to help me. I just like to be home alone at times and having someone here doesnt allow that, but I wouldnt trade it to live in chaos. I am pretty sure my DH wants a family and believe me, our lifestyle has changed in a huge way, for the better as far as we are concerned. In case you are unaware, people who like to live in a neat home love their children and want them also. Actually DH wants more children. Why would he not. We have all or time to spend with them. Settle down.
 
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