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I really don't have much of a life of my own outside of my family. We've moved several times for DH's job, and we've only been here since the spring, so I only have a couple of friends and they are people I meet because my kids are friends with their kids. My life has been super hectic for years -- the moves have taken a great deal of my time, my DH works long hours and travels so the bulk of the child rearing/house hold management is up to me. I also don't have someone that I can count on being with the kids while I go do something else -- because DH isn't here much, we don't have extended family here, we don't have old friends here <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/blahblah.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="blah blah"> .<br><br>
I feel sort of like I've lost myself -- like I've become a supporting character in the story of my own life. I just feel like things aren't very balanced. I feel like I'm doing everything to make this wonderful life happen for everyone else a(homecooked meals, semi-tidy home, fixing up the house, etc), and while it is all very pleasant, it's a bit boring. I do pretty much the same things over and over.<br><br>
Part of my problem stems from the fact that DH is working on a super cool and exciting project that involves international travel and I really envy him. I use to work on super cool and exciting projects that involved international travel -- now I need to put the laundry in the dryer and set up an eye appointment and make sure the kids have scooped the cat boxes, and frankly, I want to scream.<br><br>
I love my DH, and I think our kids are the greatest. I think homeschooling my kids is wonderful. We had a lovely day to day at the park today with our Audubon Club through our homeschool group, none the less, I still want to scream.<br><br>
Has anybody else felt like this? What did you do? On one hand, I don't want to change the basic structure of my life, on the other hand, I really need at least a little bit of my life to be about me -- to be interesting to me -- to be exciting to me.
 

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OH. MY. GAWD.<br><br>
I could have written your post... word for word.... especially the part about exciting international travel... sigh. I went to a wedding and met up with some old friends from back in the day and I got incredibly sad about how cool and hip I *used* to be... and now I'm "justa" mom... yeah, yeah... we all know we are doing the most difficult thing in the world, but, it would be nice to get some time off, travel... get to pee alone... the basics, you know?<br><br>
We move a lot, too... in fact, we're moving to Richmond, VA in January for a year so we can be with DH (who has been working in VA for the past year, while I hold the fort down at home... not fun). If you ever want to commiserate, feel free to PM me... and if you are anywhere near Richmond, lets get together after January!<br><br>
Lo
 

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I have been feeling exactly the same way. Except no exciting travel happening around here.<br><br>
I described it as being lost. For me it is knowing I need to make some serious changes.<br><br>
I looked for at least one thing I could cut out of my responsibilities. One thing I could take out of my day to make time for something I really love. I shut down my knitting business. I am almost finished with everything and can move on to some projects for me and my family.<br><br>
I think trying to find little things that you can change to make your day more exciting are the start. Even just finding a new hobby, changeing something about your home, starting a new routine or habit.<br><br>
I can totally relate too on the friends because of the kids thing. But, you know what I have met some really great people who I am good friends with thanks to the kids. You never know.<br><br>
Maybe I am way off base. But, I know some of those are things that have helped me. My DH works until 8-9pm most nights and we hardly see him. I take care of everything for the house and the homeschooling plus all the stuff for our s/n DD. It is hard and I do get into ruts. I know the winter is always the worst for me. I am not looking forward to that.<br><br>
I hear you on wanting to "find me". I feel lost. I wish you luck and hope things look up soon. Hugs.
 

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Me too. Dh has been working 60-70hr weeks lately...mostly so that beginning in January he can be home most days by 3pm. Ive been pregnant or nursing for 6yrs...and my youngest is 20mo. Dh is one of the top sales people in his company and gets tons of recognition and awards and even his boss takes notes when dh gives a speech. Dh tells me daily that Im amazing and wonderful and I am the best wife and mother ever. He is supportive but I need challenge...where the results dont take 50yrs to see. I need a hobby. Today I woke up and looked at my dc, and realized I have many many years of homeschooling ahead of me. Dh is buying another car in a few weeks, he wanted to save up for one so we dont have a car payment. We have been a one car family for 5yrs, so we dont incur new debt....but, dh needs the car for work. That was fine when we lived in the city and had one child....but we have 3small dc, live in a semi rural area and there isnt a sidewalk...or anywhere to walk to. Im hoping I feel like Im out of this rut when we can get out and join the real world. I feel like all the passion has been sucked out of me or something. I used to do my nails and wear makeup and fix my hair daily...but after our 3rd dc, I just stopped. Unless we leave the house. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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I've gotten back into reading lately. I used to love to read and I find I can make time for it here and there- especially on the weekends, when I'm not working (I work 20 hrs per week.) That makes me feel like I have interests.<br><br>
I'm trying to get back into doing yoga. I've fallen in and out of the habit since becomming a mom. There's a daycare at the Y in the evenings so I take dd #1. . Dd #2 is 14 lbs- so she'll pass for 3 months (the minimum age for y daycare) pretty soon.<br><br>
Yoga and reading are certainly not on par with international travel, but they help me feel centered.<br><br>
I suppose when dd#2 starts to take more of my time it'll be harder, but I'm a fan of blowing off my family from time to time. I almoat never physically leave my kids, but I feel fine "checking out" to read or stretch while I'm with them. At age 1 they may need 24/7 supervision, but after that i think they should learn to function without constant interaction. I s'pose it depends on the kid though.<br><br>
Then again, I also get take-out 2-3 times a week.<br><br>
I love working 1/2 time because it takes enough time and earns enough money that I can justify getting take-out and having my house cleaned by someone else every once in a while.<br><br>
Then again, ask me after five more years of this how balanced I feel.
 

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We haven't moved and still I have to work to have a life. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
I make an effort to get out twice a week just for me and with no kids. I look forward to this and if I can't do it that week it's a bummer. I wish so many times I had extended family to help me out.
 

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I have no life beyond kids either, as you can tell by my rapidly-growing MDC post count! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

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I have felt that way. I remind myself that for now, my family is my main job. I have also looked for activities that can include my family and me - church, home school groups etc...<br><br>
So far, it is improving things for me. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/upsidedown.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="upsidedown">
 

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Wow, I too am in that situation. No family around and dh is going on a 9 month trip internationally, starting in Nov. We just moved here in Sept, so no friends yet either. I feel for you. The Y here does yoga and I think that I might go and get back into it. I find that I have the kids going to bed at a certain time do that I can do my thing at night. The day is all kiddos, but the night is ME time. That is when I can relax and knit or whatever.<br><br>
I agree with the other posters about taking up a hobby. You could also do yoga--maybe your dd's would even like it. I always feel better after doing yoga. Maybe we could keep this thread up, and be eachother's support since there are a few of us in this situation.
 

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I'm working on having a life. It's not always easy. I'm cultivating friendships with women, going to movies after my Dd is in bed, getting books from the library and reading as much as I can... I'm trying to build in a little me-time. A little bit can go a long way when you're thirsty, so try to add one thing in here and there if you can and then hang in there while they grow.
 

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Yes, I do and I am conscious of it. I really believe I bring more to my family when I am personally fulfilled as an individual. Of course, my family is my priority but I think it's important for them to see Mommy as active and happy w/projects, goals & friendships.<br><br>
I visited my parents recently. They built a humongous mansion on the beach (no hurricanes <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> ) and my Mom said, "I feel like it's finally my turn to start living." <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/mecry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="crying"> Man oh man, she is 70 years old.
 

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I totally understand how you feel... we homeschool and are kind of broke lately so that makes for a difficult time to go out with dh or anyone else these days! This past year some other moms I know have started a monthly book club that is really something that I look forward to now - I not only get to read a "grown-up" book (and the selections are never too daunting as everyone is crazy busy homeschooling moms with not much time for themselves) but I also get to go hang out with friends without the kids for a whole evening (after I get dd to bed). Once a month is usually doable to go out for an evening.<br><br>
I've also started knitting so I don't spend so much time on MDC or watching TV when I am feeling tired at the end of the day (not that there is anything wrong with MDC, of course, it's just nice to be able to have something tangible to show for a couple of hours of down time).<br><br>
I do miss going out for dinner and movies with dh like we used to but it will happen again when our circumstances are different.
 

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AHHHH so so glad I am not alone!!!! I think I if have to repeat something one more time I am going to scream.
 

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I was definitely feeling that way. That is one of the reasons I went back to school. all of my classes are online, so I am always here and available, but I am working towards something for me. My husband was very pleased bc he was concerned that I would be so wrapped up in homeschooling that I would have a huge void when the kids were done.<br>
Linda, what kind of work does your husband do?<br>
I am totally feeling it right now(the not have a life) bc I hate where we live and havent really found anything to do, yk?
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><br>
I'm feeling all of you mamas on this. I think it is part of a (good) mother's life to get so involved in making sure everyone else is okay that we tend to forget ourselves. I also try to bury this emotion and tell myself I'm doing what's best for the family. May not be the right thing to do, but it's my coping mechanism.<br><br>
I also have "me" time after the kids are asleep. I enjoy reading and yoga also. Although I'm not typically this type of person I've had a want to go to a bar and get wild lately. So, that I will do. I'm going out with a friend of mine next week for her bday. We'll see how that goes........ <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/banana.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="banana"><br><br>
Theresa
 

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Yikes. You made me tear up.<br><br>
I could have written your post. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
I am making friends slowly, but I have GOT to have something to myslef. Dh is supportive, but it is up to ME to determine what that something else is. I sure haven't figured it out yet.
 

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I have so been here! And still am to a degree and worried that it will get worse as I homeschool and still try to have another child (increasing my "hands-on" time with small children. I don't have your challenges, but these are just some thoughts that I had in no particular.<br><br>
1) Do you know what you would want to do if you had all the time in the world? What would float your boat? Is it travel? Is it a craft? Is it working for money? Getting published? Make your dream list and then see what you can do about it - make long-term and short-term goals.<br><br>
2) Can you tag along with your dh with the kids even for a long weekend once in a while?<br><br>
3) Can you start a business? Starting a business definitely would add to the homeschooling experience and help you to feel challenged!<br><br>
4) To make time for you, do your kids help with household things? Can you afford a little paid help? Are there any older homeschooled kids in the group that could be a help?<br><br>
Now I'm off to put my ideas to action for me!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>moma justice</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">i am taking a belly dance class! it is better than s*x.....well atleast more easy to plan and lasts longer and will NOt get me prego....</div>
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I am peeing my pants here!! So funny!!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/banana.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="banana"> <- look there's a banana belly for ya!
 

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When my kids were younger I felt like that. As they've gotten older and relied on me less and less for silly daily details....I'm loving being this involved with my kids. This IS my life. This IS my stage of life right now. I didn't put my life on hold to have kids...They are MY life.....<br><br>
But that didn't stop me from wanting ten minutes peace for a stinkin' cup of coffee and the morning paper.... or to eat dinner without saying "eat your veggies" ....or to have a soft pleasent evening spent with friends not diaper laundry....<br><br>
Here's hope for you...they do grow quickly and believe me....you will have time to read chapters in a book uninteruppted. Honest. You can go to the grocery store and leave the kids at home....Really! I'm telling the truth. It WILL happen. Eventually .<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">s:
 
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