Do you let people/family members take your child out?

For us, I think its kind of an understatement to say we let other people take my son places. We've been doing it since he was about 18 months old.
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As we speak, he's almost 4 years old, and he's spending a week with his grandparents about 200 miles from me, near Sacramento. They've also taken him on vacation to southern california for a week at a time. He's gotten to stay at their cousin's house, who has three kids, for a sleep over.

My nanny regularly takes him places like the zoo, children's play groups, or over to her house.

My mom has taken him to New Hampshire. He spends almost every saturday night at her house about 30 minutes away.

Other moms from our preschool take him from school to their houses, and sometimes out for an activity or a snack with their own children. He goes on field trips with his preschool where he rides in other people's cars (in his own carseat).

I think its actually pretty important for him to get guidance and discipline from other sources. If there's something I'm particularly working on (like right now we're working with him on tantrums, and money use), I'll explain it to whoever is going to care for him, and explain what I would do if such-and-such situation comes up. In my son's case, I think its made him a very well rounded child with the ability to listen to all sorts of peoples' input. Its also made him very easy to hand off to others, as he's excited about the new places he's going to go, and knows he has to listen to whomever's in charge cause we won't be there with him.

No judgements or anything, just my 2 cents.

I let family members take Sprogly out. It never occurred to me not to, as long as he's ok with it, and he is. I moved all the way across the country to be near my family, and I trust any one of them to look after him. (My parents occasionally ask when they will be able to take him overnight, but he's still nursing, and they don't push for it.)

Sprogly does tend to run away, but that's the problem of the person taking him out. Oddly enough, he "behaves" better with others than with me--much more likely to just do as he is asked to do, rather than testing. Usually it's pretty easy to enlist his cooperation. My parents both have the "gentle but firm" thing down, and he responds to that. My sister just lets him do whatever he wants to do, as long as he eats in the kitchen and not on the carpet. :LOL

I'm a single mom, and I think he needs all the attachments he can get. The more people who love and care for him, and who take responsibility for him, the better.

I don't understand why so many people don't let their children experience new and different situations with other trusted adults. I am not a big fan of day care where the children are without their parents for 10-12 hours but, play dates, over nights at grandparents are valuable learning experiences. I think my girls have gained so much from their time away from me and I am able to enjoy them more after some time away.

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If your MIL is still that way now, it sounds like you have good reason not to let her take your child.

My stepmother was verbally (and physically, occasionally) abusive with me when I was a child. She's not like that with the grandchildren, though, and she's very gentle with Sprogly. She wasn't like that with her other kids/stepkids, either, but she and I were like oil and water, and I was with her from the age of 9 to 11. I do believe she's changed--I know she regrets how she was with me, and she and I get along well now.

Sprogly's paternal grandma was also abusive with her own children, and not with her grandkids. (She was too sick by the time Sprogly came along for her babysitting him to be an issue, but she had Sprogly's half sister regularly, and I saw no indication that there was ever a problem there.)

Zeldabee- I loved your post . I just wrote a long message explaining why but lost it, too busy to write it again. Maybe latter.

It sounds like there are really 2 issue/questions here:

1) do you let family members, friends, etc who you trust take your children out?
Yes I do, all the time. My son is also 3 (3 1/2 to be exact) and I think it is very important to let him experience new things, often things I can not share with him. They may not "discipline" exactly like I do but they also do not violate any of my ideals (spanking, shaming, name calling)

2) do you let family member, friends etc that I don't trust, who have been known abusers in the past, and/or have very different parenting ideals take my son out?
Absolutely not.

But I also have no problem telling them why in a gentle, not threatening way. Would I say "hey MIL, I know for a fact that you beat your kids so there is no way you are getting your grubby hands on my kids!" No. But since your MIL said she "promised she would nice" she obviously knows how you feel and/or know how she is. Instead I would offer to go on a few outings, just the 3 of you, to see how she handles it. And then, ONLY if you are comfortable, maybe you can work up to going to the playground together, you leaving to running some errands and then coming back. I would honestly tell her that she has to EARN your trust.

I guess, for me, the problem is that I don't trust anyone with my children

We have loads of family around us. They are here all the time. My children are constantly surrounded by extended family, and are always going on outings with them. It's just dh or I go along too. I don't supervise visits. The kids hang out alone with their grandparents on their 5 acres. I take a nap, or read or whatever. I just haven't felt comfortable with the idea of anyone just taking my oldest out in their car alone. Maybe its just that the people who want to take him are the ones I think are crazy, and untrustworthy. I would let my sister take him, but she lives too far away. All the rest of the family around here are in-laws, and they all think gentle discipline is a ridiculous way to parent.

My children go on lots of outings without me and have done so pretty much since about 3 mo. old or so. Now, I will say I had to get over any trust issues really early because I work and they have been under other's care since about 6 weeks old. So, my oldest had a nanny starting at about that age and she took him everywhere with her because I think its really important for kids to get out of the house as much as possible. My DD's daycare doesn't go on outings but lots of others have taken her places.

My parents were abusive to me, especially my father. Nonetheless, I will allow them to take both kids whenever and almost whereever. My parents know exactly how I feel about physical discipline and have promised to respect me on this, and so far have done a good job. My mom knows that I still don't quite trust my dad, so she is always around when he is with the kids -- I wouldn't let just him out with the kids at this point, because I know his triggers and I know that, right now, my son is going get them all. That said, he is off to their house without us for a week this summer, though I did draw the line at a week of vacation in another state last winter because it was just too far away and I knew the situation would be stressful for everyone.

While my inlaws were not physically abusive, I don't particularly like the way they talk down to children. And my MIL smokes and won't agree not to do it in her home or out where it is legal to do so. They also aren't as interested in the kids until they are older. Thus, inlaws get much less time with the kids alone, but they aren't asking for it either, so it doesn't cause stress.

For me, its really important that the kids get to see and learn and experience as much as possible. And I can't always be there to do that, so I need others to help. Its important that they learn to navigate the world without me or DH to help all the time. Its important that they learn to work with the style of other parents and relatives. Its important that they see that I trust other poeple so they should too. Its important that they aren't dependent on just their parents and they go freely with other trusted folks. Because of all of that, relatives who know the rules and who I trust to follow them take them as they wish. At the point where they are willing and able, they have playdates and birthday parties without me. They go on preschool outings without me. Babysitters take them to the park, the kids clubhouse, or out to eat without me (though with sitters I insist on my car so I know the car is safe and so are the carseats). For me, all of this is part of raising competent, confident, capable children. How do they learn to do things on their own if we never give them that opportunity?