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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm having somewhat of a dilemma right now. Dh & I have been laughing about how much attachment parenting affects the parents too, not only our babes!

I have a great friend who has a son that is close in age to my 5 yr old. She has several other friends who are all comfortable with letting each other pick up their kids and run errands, take them to their house, etc. Our boys play together very well and we are trying to get them together more often. They are a 40 min drive from our house. She has offered to come to our home, pick him up and take him back to their house to play.

Ok, my question is the same as above....are you comfortable with your children riding in someone else's car? I am wondering if I'm too protective or I'm being totally sane in my discomfort. I find that I have an extremely difficult time finding any comfort with this idea as I'm basically handing over my childs safety to another individual. I know there will be some point that I need to "let go", but I just don't really think it has to be with my 5 year old and him riding in another person's car.

Whatcha think?
 

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Mine are 8 & 6 and I rarely let them ride in other people's cars. It is my issue. I have no problem sending them off with the babysitter in her car but my friends-its an issue. It makes no sense at all and I know it is my thing.
 

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I have several good mama friends who I swap care with for apts. and errands, etc. and YES -- we drive each other's kids places. In fact, I own an extra booster seat, which I keep in my trunk when I don't need it for a friend's child. But it is used several times a week. Sometimes its a lifesaver to know that so-and-so can pick my son up from school if my apt. runs late, or whatever. I really really really NEED my tribe of mamas for support and help, and I recognize that some level of trust is necessary in order to acheive that. And, I recognize that my kids are as likely to be in an accident with me driving as they would be with any other careful driver, kwim?
 

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Yeah, it would seem like this would depend on the skill and attitude of the driver more than anything. If they were responsible, why not? If I had a choice between letting my sister drive my kid around and one of my friends, oh it would be my friends all the way.
 

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Only if I trust their driving as much as mine. My ds has ridden with a couple people and I have given rides to some of his friends. I have one friend who has been known to speed. When she asked me if she could take him to visit the farm where she worked I looked her in the eye and said, "Only if you drive the speed limit." She promised and I know her well enough to know she takes his safety very seriously. She now works as a nanny to 2 boys and totes them around town.

Just curious as to what age you might think you'll feel more ready to "let go". I don't think any of us ever feel 100% comfortable with our kids out of sight, but we need to find balance.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Ya know, it may not be such an issue for me if I didn't know how many "close calls" they've been involved in. Not b/c of my friends driving, but just being at the forefront of a couple of accidents that have "just" missed them. She's shared at least 3 stories of incidents like this and I'm sure it's adding to my discomfort. We drive a huge Excursion and they have a mini-van. I feel extremely safe in my vehicle and know that our car would take a hit much better than theirs would. We live in a large city that is full of idiot drivers, and I really don't know what her driving style is. She's got 2 babes of her own and I'm sure she's a very cautious driver, but it's still handing over my job of protecting my child to someone else and could I live with that choice *if* something did happen..........
 

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My dd has always refused to ride in someone else's car even with me there.
I probably wouldn't send her off with too many people even if she would go.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by mama2myangelWill
We drive a huge Excursion and they have a mini-van. I feel extremely safe in my vehicle and know that our car would take a hit much better than theirs would.
Your Ford might take a hit better, but the but mini-vans are pretty safe as well. I am looking for
a used car at the moment (gas prices are killing me) and I also wanted to look for a car that had
lower insurance costs. I found that because of the mini-van's safety insurance is quite low.

That said, my dd has been driven by a couple of my friends in their cars. I haven't worried too much,
as they are safe drivers and also have children. I guess that my assumption is naive that a parent is
a safer driver, but that is how I feel.

The only time I get worried having dd driven by another person is when my Father takes my dd out.
Because these are the two people that mean the most to me in my life. It's my greatest fear that
something could happen to both of them at the same time. That's my anxiety acting up.

I understand where your coming from. It's always hard to let go, let them out of your sight.
 

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I do, but it depends on the person. I have some close friends I trust as I trust myself. I have a hard core group of friends and we often share driving the children from playgroup or hsing group, library etc. We all know even the 7yr olds must be in their 5 pts or other hard core seats etc. It's a whole lot of carseat moving, but yes.
 

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Actually, I don't let my children ride with anyone but me. Confession time~ dh has had one or both dc with him~driving alone~ maybe 3 or 4 times and I was a wreck the whole time
. I trust his driving its other drivers on the road that I worry about.
My sister has had my dd with her for a couple mile journey once and I was freaked. And so far I luckily haven't had the need for them to travel with anyone else.
Often when the four of us go out together dh drives and I'm ok w/ that just not having the children traveling without me.
I do have issues I suppose, dd won't take the bus either but thats a whole other thread.
: .
 

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Not as a general rule, has happened maybe a few times. We don't really have friends that live that far from us, 40 minutes is quite a hike! I don't think it is overprotective. I prefer to stay for parties and playdates so it really hasn't come up yet.

Doreen
 

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Minority opinion here, but since you asked, yes, I think its overprotective.

As long as your kid feels comfortable going with her, and she's as good a driver as you are, of course.

It should be more a question of whether he's ready than whether you're ready. But the question above is a good one anyway. When *will* you feel ready?
 

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When they were that age I didn't let them ride with anyone else, but my MIL. Even then I was nervous. She drives fine, it was just me.

Even now I rarely let them go with other people and they are 11, 9, 8, and 5.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Thao
Minority opinion here, but since you asked, yes, I think its overprotective.
I am joining the minority.

I was fine with my kids riding with my friends by the age of four. Anyone that I trusted. Dd1 went with my brother on a trip to the zoo when she was barely three. He was 22, single, no kids, drove a small truck. Zoo was an hour round trip - freeways, etc. We put her carseat in and I gave him distinct directions on what to be careful of (do NOT let her climb the fence around the tiger cage! or fall into the penguin pool!) They had a great time and she still talks about it.

My kids are now 10, 5 and 3. They have all riden with with many of my friends, their friends' parents, babysitters, etc. If I trust the person, I am fine with it.

I would be offended if someone didn't trust that I would keep their child safe when with me. I am actually much more careful when I have other peoples' kids with me, as I know what trust has been put in me when I do.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by trinity6232000
Your Ford might take a hit better, but the but mini-vans are pretty safe as well. I am looking for
a used car at the moment (gas prices are killing me) and I also wanted to look for a car that had
lower insurance costs. I found that because of the mini-van's safety insurance is quite low.
A Pontiac Transport mini-van is one of the least expensive vehicles to insure. I didn't know that til last month and I've had the car for a year.


Oh, and only two people can take my kids anywhere they want. One is my best friend who will be legal guardian of my children if anything happens to me. The other is a long time friend who is living with us right now. My oldest sometimes carpools to school but that only applies to her. No one else takes DD#2 anywhere.
 

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I think it's overprotective.
My son is 3.5 and I would let him ride with a friend unless I knew they were a bad driver. His father is a bad driver and I am always terrified of them getting in a wreck (I'm thankful that his dad drives a minivan) but we share custody and I can't really do anything about it.
I have lots of friends whose kids have ridden in my car (a volvo wagon) with and without their mamas.
I am scared to death of cars but I know that they are just as safe with my friends as they are with me... anyone can be in an accident. I do insist on personally installing their carseats (and have installed friend's carseats in their cars) because so many people don't do it right.
 

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Yes, I let my children ride in my friends cars.

I also give rides.

We also car pool.

Unless they had some wierd driving thing going on, I don't let my children go with *that* many people. Those people I all trust 100% (or as close to that as possible).
 
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