Do you make your child hug????

I don't make mine hug. Its his body, therefore it is his choice. I want him to feel control over his own body and I don't want to set any kind of precidence of other people being able to force him to be touched in ways he doesn't feel comfortable with.

JMO

i don't make my son hug anyone. (i also didn't make him start apologizing until he began understanding the concept of "i'm sorry = i won't do it again.")

i've suggested it before ("look, your friend is crying, he's sad because he hurt himself, why don't you go give him a hug and help him feel better?") but i have never insisted on it.

it always made me SO MAD when we'd be visiting his great-grandmother and she'd literally try to *force* him to hug her, even when he'd be screaming because she was unfamiliar and he didn't want to. i've had to actually physically *make* her stop hugging him and then console him before because she scared him so badly. everyone thought i was weird or uptight for not allowing the issue to be pushed, but you know, i don't want him growing up thinking it's ok for people to force any sort of physical contact on him. if he grows up with the idea that it's ok to let someone hug him when he doesn't want it (and even after he's resisted), then what would he do if a stranger started doing the same thing? kids don't know the difference between an unfamiliar family member and a stranger.

bottom line: i just don't allow it. period.

if he wants to give someone a hug or kiss, that's allowed, as long as it's someone who is a friend or family member that we are very familiar with. for awhile he was going up and kissing every girl he thought was "pretty" which i also had to put a stop to because even though *i* thought it was adorable, i also know it's pretty unacceptable (and would make people uncomfortable).

I will not insist that my kids (age 3 & 5) hug or kiss. I am adamant about giving them every single tool I can to protect them from people who might harm them, so I insist that *they* always have the right to set the terms of any kind of touching.

When my girls decline to give hugs, I have a relative who says things like "fine then, I won't let you play with my ducklings anymore."

It confuses the kids. They're not used to being manipulated, so they just don't get the connection between not hugging and witholding random joys.

I've explained to this relative over and over and over and in great detail why I won't make them hug & kiss and why her threats make me angry, but she maintains that I'm unreasonable. Whatever. I'll keep explaining it until she stops being such a jack*ss.

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What a fantastic idea!

My daughter is 18 months old, and is very affectionate. She will often greet the other mom/baby pairs at playgroup by running toward them with her arms outstretched. She also likes to blow kisses at anyone and everyone - even strangers. But while she is quite comfortable with women, she is very reserved around any man other than her dad.

I will sometimes make the suggestion that she give family members a hug (i.e. my parents or brother) but only along the "would you like to..." vein, and only after she's warmed up. If she's not interested then that's the end of it. I will also refuse on her behalf when someone tries to pick her up and I know she's not likely to appreciate it.

I believe strongly that children have the right to their own space, just as adults do. To force them into giving hugs, kisses, et. would violate that.

No I do not make my kids hug or kiss anyone but I do teach them how to be polite about unwanted hugs and kisses from other. How to politely say NO, what to do if that does not work.

I for warn my kids about hugger in the family. My dh cured one of these people buy giving them a big hug and kiss on the lips (no tongue). Then told them that is how the kids fell, this lady was defiantly uncomfortable with his hug.

I am a non-hugger. So I have taught my kids how to stick out a hand for a shake and how to blow a kiss across the room. Respecting ones space does not give the kid or yourself the right to be rude. We stick up for the kids when they say no or they don't like to hug. (My dh comes from a hugging family) When they have done stuff like fine next time ------ to try to manipulate a hug we have said stuff like "Relative, I am sorry you are hurt by dc not giving you a hug. Would a hug from me help?" This usually embarrasses the relative and/or defuses the situation. We have also acted shocked and dismayed toward the black mailer hugger "Wow, Relative, that is so harsh for a little hug." "We have gone, I am sorry since dc can't ----- then I guess it would be better if you came and visit our home instead."

I think saying "hello" and "good-bye" is good manners, and generally makes the other person feel welcome... but I would never force it.

And I would definitely never force higs. Don't we want our children to have have control over who touches them and who doesn't? How does the message carry over when they're 14, or 24, and dating?

Rain's dad was not in her life until she was 4ish, and when he came back he expected lots of hugs and kisses, and she was a pretty slow-to-warm-up kid who really didn't want to... and the more he asked, the less inclined she was. I stood up for her, tried to get him to see the dynamics, but he never got it, and it's an issue to this day.

The thing the Pissed me off the most, though, was when she was 4ish and I had just buckled her into her carseat in the back of the car, and I walked around to go to my seat... he opened the car door and was saying good-bye, and then he bent over and gave her a big hug and kiss and was like haha, got you... and she was strapped in and couldn't escape, she was powerless... I was so FURIOUS at him, and she was pretty angry, too...

FWIW, she hugs her friends now, and her non-dad relatives... just not him. Wonder why....

Dar