[limabean]

It seems like I've been seeing lots of threads lately where someone is having a problem with a family member, and I'll be reading along thinking, "Why does this family member have so much input about this person's parenting?" and then I'll read that said family member lives with the poster. I'm wondering how many of us live with anyone besides our partner and kids.

I know people have no choice sometimes, but it seems like cohabitating makes parenting practices/decisions that are nobody's business suddenly be up for discussion. What a stressful way to live!

 

[prothyraia]

Perhaps, but the benefits of living with extended family are profound. A nuclear family living many miles away from the rest of the clan is...sort of strange, to me.

 

[dubfam]

I voted Just Me (and of course DH and Owen)

I think this is very American...Most other cultures are much closer with extended family. It is not uncommon in many other cultures for several generations to live happily in one household.

I often wonder why it isn't more common in the US.

However, I would not be able to tolerate living with any of my extended family!!!

 

[DownToEarth]

My sister lives with me. It has actually been nice having another adult in the house. I am a single parent and it is nice to being able to take a shower or go sit outside when I'm stressed.

 

[treemom2]

It is just my DH and our children. We live in Japan and I see the many benefits of having extended family around. DH and I would like to someday build a home big enough for our children and their families to come and live with us or at least on the same land with us. I will admit there are stresses to living with families. I have a dear friend who lives with her DH, his mother and father, and his father's mother. . .along with her two children. Sometimes she has to watch certain things she does in their home. However, she loves having the extra family there to help raise the children, help when she is sick or a child is sick, or when her DH is at work or out of town. She and her DH get many more dates alone because the family is right there to watch the children. I think it's pretty cool and would love to have that with my children, grandchildren, etc. . .

 

[adtake]

My female cousin lived with DP and ds #1 and me for about 9 months. Her parents are not all that and she was getting herself into some trouble in the college town she lived in. She moved in with us so we could help her level out a bit.

It wasn't bad, she is very active in the kids lives now and I have converted her ...(insert evil laugh here). She is now very pro breastfeeding, carries my kids in a sling or ergo, fusses at ppl for wrongly installed carseats, is ok with the thought of natural childbrith (actually attended my last birth) and has come around to the whole world of the AP parent.

We helped her get her life straightened out a lot. Tell the guys she dates they have to be approved by her parents. She means us .

Guess that means I had a baby at 8!! She feels more like a little sister now.

 

[mightymoo]

We just live with ourselves, but for about 6 months we lived with my parents in order to facilitate moving across country. Living with them let us leave our unsold house for a job DH found here and not have to worry about finding a home until we sold our old one and we had found the right one.

 

[ashleyhaugh]

just us and the dogs

we had room mates (friends and family) for a couple of years before dh joined the army (and after too, while he was in training) and i hated it. never again

 

[Storm Bride]

It's just me, dh and the kids.

For several years, I shared a house with my sister, BIL and nephew. My ex and I also had a roommate in our suite (my sister had the basement, and we lived upstairs). I'd never, ever, ever live with my sister again, under any circumstances. DH doesn't want any roommates, but I didn't find the roommate thing bad at all.

 

[girljen]

DH and I own our house. We rent a room to my super-cool twin brother (who is watching DD right now so I can get a break, he's rocking her to sleep). We also rent the basement apartment out to my mom and little brother.

I love my mom. We've always gotten along well. That being said, we butt heads sometimes about what goes on with DD...her parenting information is 25 years old, and DD seems to like my snuggly and responsive style of parenting much better. I hardly ever see my little brother, but he can be a pain when he does show his face.

The brothers are planning on moving out (twin in October, little guy sometime "soon" but he has no plan). Mom will probably be around forever, since she has no other place to go.

 

[Peony]

It is usually just DH, DD's and I, but my sister is living with us for the year. She is younger then me, rent is very expensive in my town, and we have a spare bedroom. It actually has been working out very well, she helps us out with DD1.

 

[PlayaMama]

my dad lives with us for medical reasons. he drank himself into the hospital and has suffered some memory loss and slight physical impairments. sometimes it really sucks and sometimes it's awesome.

there is no way i'd be able to be on mdc as much if i couldn't kinda tune out while my ds and dad play trains.

:

we do have different parenting styles but either me or my mate are home with our son (we both work part time) so it's very manageable.

 

[mummyto3girls]

MIL have been staying with us, she has her own apartment but I prefer her to be here really, she may be 76 years old but gosh, that lady active, she helps me a lot.

 

[Aliviasmom]

I live with my daughter, my mom, and my brother lives with us when he's in town.

Oh....and a cat.

As a single mom, going to school full time, and working only part-time, it's the only way that I can AFFORD to live. Plus, my mom does most of the housework, and it allows for me to have a babysitter on a whim (and for FREE!). My mom and I are pretty close, so it works out most of the time. It's just tough when she oversteps the line.

 

[jenmary]

sometimes i really wish we had extended family living with us, but there is barely room for us in our 750 sq ft home. and, apart from my mom, i would have to go outside my nuclear family, to cousins/aunts/uncles to find someone in my family i would be willing to live with.

 

[siobhang]

we have an au pair who lives with us. She is our second au pair so we have had someone living with us in our house for over 3 years (we have only lived in this house for 4 years).

It is a different dynamic than living with a family member, which is why I chose other.

 

[limabean]

I wonder how the dynamic differs when it's the parent who moves in with the child's family rather than the child's family who moves in with the parent -- in lots of the threads I read where the poster is complaining about an overinvolved family member, it seems that the poster's nuclear family is living with extended family for financial reasons, and feels kind of "stuck" there, rather than having a more neutral situation where the couple owns a home and is renting a room to a brother, or where the couple has taken in an elderly parent, etc.

Maybe the situation only becomes stressed/awkward/etc. when the parents of the young kids don't control the finances/home environment. I wonder, in cultures in which extended family living together is common, do they tend to have these sorts of control issues and power struggles? Do the adult children defer to the more senior family members' wishes more, or do the grandparents leave parenting decisions to the parents and stay out of it?

Or maybe I'm totally off base and meddling relatives are equally spread across the board whether parents live with extended family or not.

 

[boigrrrlwonder]

I think that it would be more accurate to say that my parents share their house with my partner, my child, and me in addition to housing my younger brother. Maybe one day we'll be able to live independently, but living with my folks isn't that bad.

 

[Alohamelly]

Well it's not my house, but I'm living with my husband's family (mom, dad, Grandma, little brother). Right now it's just me, but eventually it will be my DD when she returns from summer vacation and a new baby. So 7 of us in one house, 4 generations! We all get along quite well and I'm grateful (most of the time) for all the help.

 

[Alkenny]

It's just us (me, DH, and 3 kidlets). We've both lived with other family units as singles and we agreed that our family would NEVER work if we took anyone in here.