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If you do most of the cleaning, do you take it personally when dp cleans a bit?<br><br>
I find that, though I definitely appreciate the help when dp cleans, I can't help but wonder if he's thinking that I should get off my butt and work harder to keep the house clean.<br>
Which is a goofy thought, because that's not my dp's style AT ALL. He helps clean because he's trying to be helpful, or because he wants to get on my good side to dtd (hehehe). Sometimes it's because something is dirty enough to bother him, but knowing my dp, he doesn't ever have the thought that it's my job and it should have been done by me.<br><br>
But still, I take it personally. Like he's insinuating that I'm lazy (I'm sure that's coming from me). And on top of that, I get all defensive in my head. Like "Well, I cook ALL the meals, and clean ALL the dishes, and what do YOU do?"
 

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One of the biggest struggles I have is just that. I have to remind myself regularly that my reactions to dh cleaning something that I haven't gotten to is more my feeling badly that he is dealing with something I feel like I should have done, than that he is bothered by helping out. I have been a sahm for the past 7 years and I am still not used to how much work it actually is. I don't know if I can stop taking it personally when he helps out. Not because he is upset about it. Rather I am upset at myself for not being more of the super sahm I strive to be.
 

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I love it when he helps out, although my DH has the nasty habit of saying something like "This place is a pig sty" before pitching in, and then I get upset. If he just jumps in and vacuums without the comment first, I am pleased as punch <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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My DH barely notices the state of the house. So I can't say this has happened to me. I do sometimes feel like it should be super clean all the time, at least on days when the kids aren't home. He does notice one in a while that I worked on something (like a closet or whatever). But that may be because I point it out. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"><br><br>
I do have the feeling that since I'm home I should handle it all. Everyone lives here, though, so I don't think that's fair...intellectually. But that's a different story sometimes than emotionally.
 

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OMG, OP i could've written this post! totally! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Oh God No! I love it!<br><br>
I do start to feel a little bit guilty sometimes though. I still love it when he does it though!
 

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I don't take his cleaning personally, but like another poster said, I don't like it when he makes negative comments about the state of the house. Luckily, he's usually complaining about messes of his own making. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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HELL to the NO.<br><br>
he helped create these little people who leave a messy trail every where they go. haha!<br><br>
what a problem to have in a dh <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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No. I know some people like this though. Cleaning the house is something I do, but its not how I identify myself so if someone else does it, its just one less thing on my to-do list.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Deva33mommy</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10299489"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">If you do most of the cleaning, do you take it personally when dp cleans a bit?<br></div>
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Not at all. In fact I'd appreciate it if he did help more. By that I mean him not throwing his clothes on the floor and expecting me to pick them up. He could also clean his urinal cause let's face it...I don't use it. My feeling is that he lives here, makes a mess, so he could help clean.
 

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No, I love it, and he's great at pitching in. However, I've found it curious when I cook dinner and he feels the need to cook something else. For instance, I made potato soup the other day and he was eating it for dinner, but he also decided to boil 3 potatoes in addition....? Lol, wasn't sure why, but he will do that sometimes.
 

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It depends upon his attitude while cleaning. Prior to having children we both worked FT and both cleaned – never any issues for fifteen years. Once I stayed home we thought I would handle all the household tasks but we both overestimated the amount of time I would have while caring for the kids and underestimated the amount of mess and destruction two kids can make. I’ve accepted the fact that things will not be in order or always clean. He is having a more difficult time. So, my long way of answering your question is…if he is just helping out, it is great. But if he is frustrated or irritated about the state of the house – especially if I am not in the mood to help clean at the time – it bothers me. I cannot stand tension in the air. As a pp mentioned part of it is my problem since I get frustrated w/myself for not getting more done.
 

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yes. definitely. but, i really think when he does clean up (not just after himself) he is not happy about doing it. he is the type that wants stuff done NOW. like, when he comes home he likes the house clean. i also like to have the house cleaned up before dinner, but if he comes home 3 hours early the house will not be clean. then he will huff and puff while he cleans it up and i go about my business.<br><br>
i don't think he is mad at <i>me</i> or really even mad at all, but i know he wishes it had been done already.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>nichole</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10300387"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">HELL to the NO.<br><br>
he helped create these little people who leave a messy trail every where they go. haha!<br><br>
what a problem to have in a dh <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"></div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:
 

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I also could have written this post too. Exactly. My DH isn't a jerk, and I appreciate when he helps and would even prefer if he did a little more, but then when he does I feel guilty and kind of mad at the same time. Like it's some kind of passive agressive way of telling me that I'm not good at my job. But he would never do that! What's wrong with me? I think I'm not living up to my own standards and this is how I deal with it. I should probably just leave poor DH out of this whole crazy mess in my head. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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DH doesn't help all that much, but it is definitely appreciated when he does. I make sure to tell him that too (positive reinforcement) and give him lots of kisses when he helps. It makes me feel a little lazy sometimes, but I have a right to be lazy sometimes.
 

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My husband never cleans without me asking him to. Which is fine for us. He does all the work on the vehicles, makes the money so we have what we have, does all the yard work, takes care of us having wood to heat the house with, and burns the garbage. He also helps with the kids. He doesn't just come home and ignore us, but plays with the kids and whatnot. And gives me time to myself.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>boysmom2</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10304772"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I also could have written this post too. Exactly. My DH isn't a jerk, and I appreciate when he helps and would even prefer if he did a little more, but then when he does I feel guilty and kind of mad at the same time. Like it's some kind of passive agressive way of telling me that I'm not good at my job. But he would never do that! What's wrong with me? I think I'm not living up to my own standards and this is how I deal with it. I should probably just leave poor DH out of this whole crazy mess in my head. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"></div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:
 

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I love it when DH pitches in and helps clean messes up. He knows that our toddler can rip a room apart in under five minutes, so he understands that sometimes I need a break or some help <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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No. I know messes don't bother him much.<br>
I sometimes feel bad that it got so messy it bothered him since I know his tolerance is so high.<br>
Of course sometimes he is cleaning just to seduce me.
 
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