Mothering Forum banner
1 - 20 of 29 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,191 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So, between literally ALL of my friends being pregnant and both my parents, and in-laws practically pleading on their knees for another grandchild (we already have one son), we finally decided we were ready and are "trying" for another. But I don't want to tell anybody. Not that it's all a big secret, I just don't want the emotional "work" of all the smiles, jokes, etc. I know they are meant in excitement and happiness, but this time around, I just don't want months of the same question asked a million ways and every day "Are you pregnant yet?". The first time with my son, we told everyone... We're trying! Hooray! Talking about it all was exciting. This time, I just feel like going though that would be work and I'd rather not discuss it, so we're not really broadcasting it.

So, do y'all tell people you're trying?
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
2,800 Posts
I told my mom and my two close friends. We're TTC our first and I waited so long to finally be 'trying' that I had to share
We live 15 hours away from family, so we don't have to deal with constant 'are you pregnant yet' questions. Also, my mom had fertility problems when she was trying so she doesn't put too much pressure on it (plus, we're only in our 2nd cycle of trying).
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,011 Posts
I told my family and friends, and I wish to God that I hadn't. I know that they're all excited for me and all of that, but it has been a very difficult journey so far with my DH and I. We've been trying for almost a year(more off than on, but still
: ) and I'm not pregnant yet. Neither my mother, nor my sisters had any issues getting pregnant, and most of my friends have gotten pregnant in a year or less (more like less than a year than taking an entire year). This is my 13th cycle of charting and 11th cycle of charting to conceive. It is very hard to get the advice and the comments about "just relaxing" and it will happen some day and all of that. I do wish that we had just decided to keep this to ourselves so I didn't have those things to deal with. Also, DH and I live 12-13 hours away from family and every time we talk to them we still get the "are you pregnant yet?" question followed by a boat load of advice like we aren't doing it right.
That coupled with the fact that all of my friends have babies now really isn't helping.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,878 Posts
No, I only talk about it online. The semi-anonymity can be a big plus sometimes! I wouldn't like to feel like everyone I knew irl was breathing down our necks, also I don't like that it's basically announcing "we're about to have lots of sex!" Too awkward for everyone. I also am not interested in hearing the opinions of my family, etc, about whether we got the spacing between kids right or wrong, bla bla bla.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
479 Posts
I never told anyone when were were trying, and I dont plan on telling them now. I think its something private between me and DH and when/if I get PG Ill be more then happy to tell the world at that time.

I have 2 close friends. One is TTC#2 the other is TTC#1, both have been trying for awhile. The TTC#1 is actually going through major stuff with it too. Im the only one they told about it, and when we talk I always feel an air of pressure if I should bring it up or not, knowing that Im the only one who knows. I tend to not bring it up at all, unless I know for sure they are going in for some procedure. I dont want to put pressure on them, but I think there is a sense of pressure even on the person you told. Maybe they feel they have to ask constantly since you told them?!

The only person I would love to tell is my mom, as she'd be so thrilled, but again I dont want it to be the main topic of our conversation everytime. Id much rather wait and surprise her with my BFP.
:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,261 Posts
Absolutely NOT.

We didn't tell them we were TTC DD either (even if I HAD been comfortable with it, I'm glad we didn't because it took us 1.5 years and that would've been so much harder with people nagging)...I believe most people thought our first pregnancy (m/c) was a BC accident or something. And so I didn't even tell anyone when we got pregnant the second time (another m/c). And we didn't tell people until well into the second tri with DD (with m/c history) and even then we still got "unhappy" reponses (as if anyone else should care).

We were married young, and despite being extremely mature for our ages and very good with "living responsibilites" (finances, homekeeping, work, school, etc), people just look at the age and say, "Nope, too young." It's so irritating. So that's why I don't dare tell people (aside from the m/c issues...telling and untelling type stuff)...even though they still ask constantly when we're having another (and when we'd have our first). But if we told them we were actually TTC, ha...then they'd share what they REALLY think.

Sorry...vent over!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,405 Posts
I told my sisters when we were ttc #1 partly because I knew one sister was also ttc, and I thought it would be fun to share in the journey together. We did get pregnant at the same time, but she m/c

I told my friends instead when we were ttc#2, mainly because I knew my family thought it was too soon, and I knew friends would be supportive.
I can say easily online that we are currently neither tta nor ttc and I'm 3 dpo.
: Like BSD said, It's easier with the partial anonymity. I've come to feel that this really is a very personal thing, and it's a time I sort of want to keep sacred between me, DH, and the new babe. I'm hoping to just show up with a baby this time around.
I'll probably come clean about a pregnancy well before then, but not about ttc. Good luck to all of you in your endeavors. It's a great journey.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
81 Posts
We will start the TTC journey in 11 days. I have not told people, and that is hard for me b/c I like to express my feelings to my friends and family.
I have not told people b/c my most of my friends are not ready to be parents, and may not understand why we want to start now (even though I am 30 and my DH is almost 36!)...I want to tell people, so I guess that is one of the reasons I love this thread, b/c other women are going through the TTC journey with me!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
212 Posts
I have told my sister and our good friends who are going to to start ttc their #2 next month. She and I shared our last pregnancies, so hopefully we'll be able to do it again. With my 2 dd, I told everyone we were trying, and this time I feel much more private about it all. We'll also be planning a homebirth this time, and some of the need for privacy stems from that. It's not done much in my area and it will make my family and my dh's family very nervous - so we're going to keep a lot of things about this next pregnancy on the down low! I just don't need the pressure of trying to reassure other people that I've made the right decision(s) for my family. I think most of our family thinks we're ttc - because they know we want more and my youngest is 2 1/2. Also - my MIL was in my bathroom cabinet last month, and I had forgotten to remove my POASs, so she's been hinting for info ever since LOL! So yes, I understand wanting to keep things private, even when you didn't before because we feel the same way!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
832 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by BelgianSheepDog View Post
No, I only talk about it online. The semi-anonymity can be a big plus sometimes! I wouldn't like to feel like everyone I knew irl was breathing down our necks, also I don't like that it's basically announcing "we're about to have lots of sex!" Too awkward for everyone. I also am not interested in hearing the opinions of my family, etc, about whether we got the spacing between kids right or wrong, bla bla bla.
I totally agree ... I think it's a very personal decision between DH and I.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,387 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by BelgianSheepDog View Post
No, I only talk about it online. The semi-anonymity can be a big plus sometimes! I wouldn't like to feel like everyone I knew irl was breathing down our necks, also I don't like that it's basically announcing "we're about to have lots of sex!" Too awkward for everyone. I also am not interested in hearing the opinions of my family, etc, about whether we got the spacing between kids right or wrong, bla bla bla.


No one knows we are ttc except for folks online. And you guys are what keep me (and therefore my husband) sane.


I'm so glad we didn't tell anyone, because if we had people asking us since January if we were pregnant yet, I think we would scream. Plus it would feel all kinds of weird to have everyone knowing something about our sex life.

We are in the ttc closet. And we like it here.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,414 Posts
I mostly chat about it online - then again, most people I know these days are through the internets anyhow


My parents know we are thinking of having another one soon, and I told them I would like to have one next spring, so I think they get the idea. They are wonderfully non-judgmental about it all, same with DH's parents.

I usually just vent online about how ridiculously control-freaky I've been about such a natural process. It's so silly :p
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
54 Posts
we haven't started TTC yet, but we have told all his family of our intentions and my sister. We discussed it with his family because they are all easy going his sister has two young ones so it was more about getting some advice than anything. They were all encouraging, but I guess they know we are not trying just yet so there is no pressure. My sister tells me to hurry up and make a baby, but that's all fun. I want to hurry and start trying! Hopefully it won't take long, when we do start, but if it does maybe we will regret talking about it? Wait and see...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
334 Posts
No. DH and I barely talk about it with each other. (He's uncomfortable with the "trying" part of TTC.) It's private, and I don't have any close enough friends, anyway. I don't want the people I work with treating me any differently.

I think my mom is going to find out, though. I knew she was coming to visit this summer, but I found out last night that she'll be here in a week and a half. She'll notice that I'm not drinking coffee anymore. She knows what a big caffeine junkie I am, because she is, too. If it comes up, I'll tell her that we're not preventing anything. But I'm not going to emphasize that we're trying.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,572 Posts
We didn't tell anybody. I tell everybody on here
We only know one couple our age and they had an "oops" baby, there is no way I am being compared to them and their fertility. Also, I don't need the pressure. I am scared it might take long.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
662 Posts
We haven't told anyone IRL yet. The last thing I need is questions about how things are going, and why it hasn't happened yet, and do I need to see a Dr. if it doesn't happen quickly, etc, etc. I enjoy the online groups for TTC but don't enjoy the extra pressure and questions from people IRL.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,339 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by kJad29 View Post
It is very hard to get the advice and the comments about "just relaxing" and it will happen some day and all of that.
Don't you just love the just relax and it will happen comments? We told a handful of friends and my brother-in-law and his wife. I told BIl and his wife because it took them 2 1/2 years to conceive and I thought they would be good for moral support. Instead, they give the just relax lecture because that is what worked for them. Well, in reality relaxing isn't going to cut it for us. I have long irregular cycles and DH and I do not BD daily so....if we just sit back and relax it may take us 10 years to catch the egg!
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
1,823 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by kJad29 View Post
I told my family and friends, and I wish to God that I hadn't. I know that they're all excited for me and all of that, but it has been a very difficult journey so far with my DH and I. We've been trying for almost a year(more off than on, but still
: ) and I'm not pregnant yet. Neither my mother, nor my sisters had any issues getting pregnant, and most of my friends have gotten pregnant in a year or less (more like less than a year than taking an entire year). This is my 13th cycle of charting and 11th cycle of charting to conceive. It is very hard to get the advice and the comments about "just relaxing" and it will happen some day and all of that. I do wish that we had just decided to keep this to ourselves so I didn't have those things to deal with. Also, DH and I live 12-13 hours away from family and every time we talk to them we still get the "are you pregnant yet?" question followed by a boat load of advice like we aren't doing it right.
That coupled with the fact that all of my friends have babies now really isn't helping.
: The only people I'm glad I told are the two people I know who have experienced infertility. (And everyone here!) It's amazing the unsolicited advice we get from everyone else.
:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,769 Posts
The only people that know we are trying are the MDC mamas I know IRL. Kinda pointless to not tell them.


No one else knows though, and we won't be telling anyone after we're pregnant for as long as possible.

With DS we didn't tell anyone until 12 weeks, and I still dealt with more comments than I wanted to.
 
1 - 20 of 29 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top