[2002_November_Bub]

DH keeps swearing in front of the kids...my eldest is 6 and knows not to repeat but my 11 month old will adventually start repeating...he is being such a jerk about it that it is getting me down....he thinks i am just being silly and trying to get attention....when he does say the F word and i remind him not to say it he will just say F*** F*** F*** and that really upsets me him repeating it over and over like that when he knows i don't like it in the first place....Just don't know what to do have tried talking to him and that isn't working...Do you think i am being silly about this?

Thanks i really needed to let it all out

Tina

 

[LittlebitsMommy]

No I don't think you are being silly. I am pretty much going through the same thing here. ME and DH agree on pretty much everything besides his mouth. He likes to use all the bad words. My mouth can get bad at times but not when the kids are around. I have a 8 year old that has a few times said some bad words. And I have gotten really upset. Now our 3 year old is at that mockingbird stage. So everything he hears he repeats. He got mad at me today and said some really bad words that he has heard. I was so upset. I tried to tell him not to talk that way and he said Daddy does. I was probably a good thing that DH wasn't home. Then tonight we all went out to eat and a lady cut my DH off and he said some bad words again. I told DH I thought we had taked about these words. He just rolled his eyes at me. I then said well way did you say that then. He said becasue I can. Boy was I pissed then. I don't think he understands how mad it really makes me for him to cuss like this.

Sorry I don't have any words of advise for you.Just wanted to let you know you am not alone.

 

[BabyOsMommy]

Here, though, it's my mouth that needs the soap, and I know it. There's a difference between blatently swearing to bug you and letting it slip. I am way guilty of letting it slip way too often. DH knows not to point it out because my reaction will probably be like your DH's, though, just out of defensiveness, and he knows that I'm working on it. I don't know what to tell you since he doesn't seem to want to change, though. Maybe when HE is the one being sworn at by his son he'll change his mind about it, but I don't think you want it to get that far...

 

[mamawanabe]

Personally, I don't have anything against swearing; BUT, I don't get to make all the decisions about my own behavior when I am in a relationship, and if swearing really bothered my DH, I'd make the effort to stop, perhaps not without saying he was silly, but definately without the passiave aggressive, jerky repitition of the swear words.

My Dh does do something similiar. When he is playing his guitar loud and I tell him that it is bothering me, he'll strum three coards extra loud before quieting down. It is his futile protest over his autonomy and personal perogative being "squashed." I call him on it everytime, because when you live with others, you can't live EXACTLY how you want to. I have to put the toothpaste cap back on, your dh has to watch his mouth, and my dh has to play the guitar on low.

Good luck

 

[mamawanabe]

Wait, he is not swearing at your son or you, is he?! That would be different issue entirely (an issue of disrespect or hostility rather than "squashed" personal autonomy).

 

[khrisday]

Well, I don't think it's silly for you to want to shiled your children from foul language, but I also believe that partners get to make their own choices about these things. Persaonlly, I woudl leave him alone when he does it, but maybe you can articulate exactly WHY you think it is better not to do it in front of the children.

 

[ajsmom]

I just decided that since our children learn by example, I needed to set a better one. We choose our words every time, even when we slip. When ds is asleep, I get to slip. Otherwise, it's "shoot!" or "rats" which 3 yr old ds says sometimes too. He also says "Bother!" a lot because Pooh says that.

Anyway, I would ignore all of it with ds. You are NOT being silly. You are being an adult. It reminds me of kids who swear to get your attention to see what you will do.

It might be fun to ask him what he needs and feels when he swears - a little non-violent communication technique - because when he swears you might feel sad that he can't use other words to describe his feelings and you need to feel good about what your children are learning.

How old is this guy anyway? 12? "Cause that's how old he's behaving!

And to LittlebitsMommy: I wish your dh was home when your child HAD spoken that way. You wouldn't have had to say anything to dh. Just say to your ds, "Yes Daddy does use those words but I do not and you don't need to either. What would you like to say instead?"

Getting off soapbox now,
Rebecca

 

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

No, I don't think you are being silly. You are absolutely correct that your children will learn what you teach them, deliberately or by accident. Luck for me, my husband mostly agrees with me and we are both careful. He did have an occassional slip on the "F word" though, and I cured it pretty fast. He was say F*** and I would respond "No thanks, that term totally destroys the mood for me." He got the point really, really fast!

 

[Rie&BugsMom]

Quote:

Originally posted by Evan&Anna's_Mom He was say F*** and I would respond "No thanks, that term totally destroys the mood for me." He got the point really, really fast!

:LOL :LOL :LOL :LOL