[Super Pickle]

Is it okay for a married woman to flirt? I have recently realized that I am flirting a lot. I used to be very serious and socially awkward, but in the past year or so, I have lost a lot of weight, faced my insecurities related to turning 30, and taken up a new hobby that has really lit a fire in my soul, and I have noticed that I am flirting with everyone. I'm happy with my husband but it's like I've gotten addicted to communicating to friends/acquaintances/strangers that I find them enjoyable/attractive, and I like getting the same vibe from them.<br><br>
How do you know how much flirting is too much? At what point do you risk misleading someone? As a married woman, should I just go back to avoiding eye contact with men and cutting any converstaion with them as short as possible?

 

[Demeter9]

Intent is everything. So is the comfort of your DH to an extent. I don't think you should not look at people. If you're a little overly touchy or such and your DH is uncomfy with it you should probably evaluate toning it down.

 

[momuveight2B]

I've never had the desire to flirt and no free time. Much too busy with my life. I would never want to do anything that might hurt my husband.

 

[myrrhmaid]

If you are flirting right then the goal and outcome is it makes everyone feel good. If it doesn't then it is going beyond flirting.<br>
I'm a big flirt and even have a crush on my husband's best friend.<br>
Have fun! be flirty! It's harmless and enjoyable when done right.<br>
I know who I go home to, and so does he. Dh gets a little embarassed sometimes. I take it a little too far but he's a good sport!

 

[eviesingleton]

I think it depends on the context. Flirting for the sake of flirting, "friendly" flirting, is okay. Flirting as if you are single again is different.<br><br>
However, if your DH has a problem with any of it, then it's wrong.<br><br>
I am physically incapable of flirting.

 

[momazon4]

I just couldn't do it. When I am with somebody I am completely WITH them. Even after ex and I broke up, it was several years before I could flirt again. My heart had to no longer be in love with him, ykwim?

 

[KimProbable]

I think that light-hearted, innocent flirting is fine. I tease some of DH's friends about being interested in them but everyone knows it's a joke and I do it in front of DH.<br><br>
If it was behavior that I wouldn't be comfortable with in front of DH it wouldn't be appropriate.

 

[myrrhmaid]

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<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">I am physically incapable of flirting.</td>
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:LOL I had to laugh at this! The only way I would be physically incapable of flirting is if you cut my eyelids, lips, hands and hips off! :LOL<br>
I just re-read the op topic headline too and decided it may or may not be appropriate for a dw to flirt. But I'm hardly ever appropriate or do as I 'should'. That is something that makes dh love me so much.

 

[Aura_Kitten]

<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug"><br><br><br>
This is an issue that's recently come up a LOT between my bf and I... we're both hugely flirtatious people by nature. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/loveeyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Loveeyes">: *However*... it has raised some comfort issues (mostly on my part, as he's absolutely gorgeous and every other female around him seems to think so too <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"> ).... I think communication here is The BIGGEST thing you can do for each other ~~ if your dh isn't comfortable with the extent to which you are taking the flirting, I'd suggest you tone it down.<br><br>
Otherwise, bask in it! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">

 

[Nature]

My thoughts are, if you are uncomfortable doing it right in front of your husband, or he is uncomfortable.. then its too much. If he's okay with it, and you don't go out of your way to make sure he's not around when you do it.. then its harmless.<br><br>
I've always been an overly friendly person once I get to know someone. I make a lot of sexual innuendo jokes and things like that. I'm almost never truelly attracted to those I flirt with, and I flirt with males and females even though I'm straight. Its simply a second nature/lighthearted friendly thing for me. My dh is totally cool with it because he knows thats just my personality. It never goes beyond joking.<br><br>
However... I have had spouses of other people become upset with me because either they distrust their own husbands, or they feel I have real feelings for their husbands. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: Even when I am not flirting at all, and being very concious of it.. I'm still not cold enough for people. If I make eye contact I MUST be flirting. Other women like to jump to so many conclusions and be distrustful. Heh. Many thats why I have so few friends.

 

[momto l&a]

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;"><b>Do you think it's appropriate for a married woman to flirt?</b></td>
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IMO No

 

[Super Pickle]

Hey, thanks so much for responding, all of you! The two things that y'all have said that made an impression on me were: 1.) Be aware of Dh's feelings and be careful not to make him uncomfortable, and 2.) when he's not around, always consider what he might feel if he were there, and act appropriately. Thank you again.

 

[Aura_Kitten]

Oh and one more thing ~ apparently I "flirt" with everyone, men and women... this was an issue between my ex- and I at one point because he accused me of flirting with this one person and it made him extremely jealous, and I didn't even realize that what I had been doing could be considered flirting.<br><br>
So, again: communication.<br><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> Good luck, and hey, congrats on your weight loss! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">

 

[Super Pickle]

Thanks!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue">

 

[Arduinna]

I don't have a problem with it, same way I don't have a problem with dh flirting. I know he does it, sometimes I even tease him about flirting with waitresses. I personally find it cute.

 

[The4OfUs]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Nature</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7959619"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">My thoughts are, if you are uncomfortable doing it right in front of your husband, or he is uncomfortable.. then its too much. If he's okay with it, and you don't go out of your way to make sure he's not around when you do it.. then its harmless.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">: That's my gold standard. If I wouldn't do it with him standing right next to me, I won't do it when he's not around.<br><br>
Then again, we're both flirts and not jealous people by nature. t there is a distinct line that neither of us would cross, and we both know where that line is. Communication is key.

 

[willsmomm]

I agree that if you would be comfortable behaving that way in front of your husband, you're in the clear.<br><br>
For me, I get really uncomfortable when a married man flirts with me and I would not cross any lines that I wouldn't want others crossing with me or that I wouldn't want dh crossing.

 

[UnschoolnMa]

Both my Dh and I flirt to some extent I guess. The definition of flirting is key I suppose. Intent does matter, but neither of us would lead someone to believe we wanted any kind of intimacy. We never deny or attempt to hide the fact that we are married, etc.

 

[kkeris]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>The4OfUs</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7960251"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">: That's my gold standard. If I wouldn't do it with him standing right next to me, I won't do it when he's not around.</div>
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Same as us! DH and I have an agreement whereby if something we are saying/doing with someone of the opposite sex is something we wont want each other to do/say, or that we wont say/do it in front of each other, then its completely wrong. So it really depends on the dynamics of your marriage and you and your DH's personality.<br><br>
I used to be a mega compulsive flirt before I married DH <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> It took me SO MUCH effort and determination to switch off my 'flirting radar' and reprogram my reactions/responses to men in general. Now I'm kinda 'normalised' and pretty happy about it (alot less trouble for myself, really!). <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">

 

[orangefoot]

I fell out with an ex boyfriend years ago over but it hasn't been a problem with my husband. My dh's definition of flirting is 'hey gorgeous, nice a**' and doesn't consider 'bigging people up' or flattering them is the same thing.<br><br>
I think mild flirtation, flattery and kindness oil the wheels of life and I can't imagine going through life without being how I am. Some people may call it flirting but I like it when the people I meet make an effort to make me smile and feel good about myself and I hope to do the same.<br><br>
As a long time on and off waitress I have flirted and joshed with all kinds of people but never with any predatory intent.<br><br>
My dh still laughs at the time we were in a big department store and he watched a young floor assistant ask me if we needed any help then step sideways without taking his eyes off me and fall into a display<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"> Dh swears that I did the tiniest wink at the lad as I spoke to him and that it must have distracted him. It can't have been my breasts because I'm a 34AAA!