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Do you think MDO and Pre-school are necessary?

2K views 39 replies 36 participants last post by  geekgolightly 
#1 ·
I love coming to these forums because I learn so much from all of you. Lately I've been wondering if I am the only one who doesn't send my kids (I have a 20-month old DS and an almost 4-year old DS) to Mother's Day Out or Pre-school. I belong to a mom's group and 99% of them send their kids to one or the other or both if they have multiple kids. I don't have anything against these programs but I don't feel they are necessary. My oldest son doesn't want to go (he says he'd rather stay home with me and his little brother) and of course my younger son doesn't want me out of his sight right now LOL. We go to playdates once or twice a week and I take them with me everywhere so it's not like they are never around other kids. I just have zero desire to send them off when I'm right here at home.

So, what do you think? Also, we are planning to homeschool (unschool probably) so that makes me even more sure that it isn't necessary. But I would like to hear from other moms on this. If they are missing out on something important by not going I feel I should at least consider it. Thanks for listening!
 
#2 ·
This isn't a question with a one-size-fits-all answer. It seems pretty clear that for you and your family, preschool isn't necessary, and you're comfortable the way things are. Don't feel any pressure to change that if you don't want to.

For me, preschool was absolutely necessary. Unlike you, I had a very strong desire to send my child off when I was at home. For my sanity, I needed time alone. I have always craved solitude and motherhood didn't change that. Both my kids were very eager to go to preschool (if they hadn't been, I would have reconsidered) and thrived there. It was good for all of us.
 
#3 ·
No. not necessary but my kids go and love it and I love it too.
 
#4 ·
Necessary for whom? I can see where it might be necessary for the mom who wants/needs some personal time, but how can it be necessary for the child? Anyway, you can always Google for homeschooling groups in your area. I belong to an awesome one and have since DS was 2. The preschoolers meet regularly for a craft and playdate, plus we have regular park days, etc. In my crunchy circle of AP friends, none of us have every used a MDO, and all the kids are polite, friendly, well socialized, are on track for learning, etc. OTOH, in more mainstream groups I've belonged to, I've always been the only one who's never sent her children.
 
#6 ·
My ds who is 3.5 has gone to preschool this school year on MWF's my 17 month old ds hasnt left my side.

We are also planning to homeschool.

I liked it for my ds because at the time I felt like he needed a little bit more attention then I could give him with a new baby around and because I felt a little pressured by friends and family.

I feel very different now, even though Oliver has enjoyed the songs and games and gotten invited to some birthday parties I hate rushing them to school then sticking Mikey back in the car seat to go and pick him up and even though he goes to the best preschool in the city his teachers are not super talkative and sometimes I don't get a really good read on how his morning was (he goes from 9-11 three times a week)

I think that it can be hard to unwire ourselves from thinking that going to preschool is something that they must do . I wish that I hadn't sent him at all. I can not wait until the end of may.
 
#7 ·
dd is 3.5 and ds is 4 months. Neither will ever go to any sort of pre-school, daycare, drop n' play, or co-op type group. It's just not nessesary for us and I'd much rather have my kids with me than away elsewhere. It's difficult for me to even think about school down the road (dh and I agree on sending both kids to public school) because I can't imagine my day without either of my kids. Even though the gradeschool they will both attend is only 1 block from our home it will seem like miles away for me when that time comes. There is no way I'm giving up in time with them prior to that!

Don't get me wrong, I'd love to get some things done for myself. I have aspirations that are difficult if not impossible to achieve with two kids attached to my hip 24/7 but, those can wait until a later date.
 
#8 ·
I meant is it necessary for the kids (the whole socialization thing). My oldest is a bit shy. When he's around 2 or 3 other kids he blossoms but he doesn't like to be in big groups. I think he would have a hard time in preschool and I don't want to force him to go. If he wanted to go I would give it a try but he seems to know what he wants pretty well LOL. My youngest is the opposite - very social and outgoing. It's funny how two kids with the same DNA can have such opposite temperaments!

Newbymom05, I'm an AP'er too and would love to find a group of homeschooling moms. I will do a google search and see what I can find. As much as I've enjoyed my mom's group it would be nice to be around other like-minded moms who plan to/are homeschooling because as the kids grow up theirs will go to school and mine will be homeschooled so there won't be opportunities to get together like there are now. It would be good to get into a group now where the boys can make friends that they will hopefully keep for years to come.

I totally understand wanting to get some time alone. There are definitely days when I'm going nuts. Thankfully my husband is a great father and takes the boys out a lot so I can have breaks. If he didn't I would surely go crazy LOL.
 
#9 ·
No I don't think kids "need" it at all. Can it be fun? Can they learn stuff? Sure, but they don't need to go off to preschool or a special program to do so.

IMO 3 year olds honestly have no "need" to make social ties to other 3 year olds.

All children NEED other caring humans interacting with them on a daily basis of many different ages.

I have no issue with anyone using or enjoying a program for their own or their child's benefit, but it totally gets under my skin when someone calls it a need for a child.

It's totally artificial, and a modern invention to put a child of a certain age in a room with other kids that exact same age and call it needed. I don't get it, and I disagree with it.

I'd much rather let my kid zoom around a park and bump into a variety of ages and stages than drop them off at a classroom so young.

I'm greedy with my kids though, I want them all to myself.

 
#10 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by novaxmomof2 View Post
I meant is it necessary for the kids (the whole socialization thing). My oldest is a bit shy. When he's around 2 or 3 other kids he blossoms but he doesn't like to be in big groups. I think he would have a hard time in preschool and I don't want to force him to go. If he wanted to go I would give it a try but he seems to know what he wants pretty well LOL. My youngest is the opposite - very social and outgoing. It's funny how two kids with the same DNA can have such opposite temperaments!

Newbymom05, I'm an AP'er too and would love to find a group of homeschooling moms. I will do a google search and see what I can find. As much as I've enjoyed my mom's group it would be nice to be around other like-minded moms who plan to/are homeschooling because as the kids grow up theirs will go to school and mine will be homeschooled so there won't be opportunities to get together like there are now. It would be good to get into a group now where the boys can make friends that they will hopefully keep for years to come.

I totally understand wanting to get some time alone. There are definitely days when I'm going nuts. Thankfully my husband is a great father and takes the boys out a lot so I can have breaks. If he didn't I would surely go crazy LOL.
Really, I won't go to mainstream groups any more b/c it just isn't a supportive environment, y/k? I think it is def worth the search for like minded mamas! I found my fave group through an old LLL friend and then that group put me on to others.

I saw you mentioned socialization, in my h/s group of course all the kids are h/s, and I swear, they seem so much more polite, mature, empathetic, creative...Seriously, DH was against h/s (mainly b/c of the socialization aspect) until he started going to h/s events and meeting the children.

I agree w/ Porcelain Interior--how is locking up a group of same-aged kids conducive to socialization? The only social benefit I see is teaching them to listen to another adult. I think a group of various aged kids, from babies to preteens, is much more realistic preparation for dealing w/ life outside the home.
 
#11 ·
We didn't do either. We do story hours and library programs though and the kids love them. I think necessity probably depends on the family personalities. I've got a friend who needs the time to herself. I've got a nephew who is super sociable and needs frequent peer interaction. Those are easy ways to get that if a child is the type to need it.
 
#12 ·
No of course it isn't necessary. But I don't go through life only doing that which is absolutely necessary.

Ice-cream and birthday parties aren't necessary. Going to the movies once in a while isn't necessary. A yellow skirt with daisies isn't necessary. But those things are fun, and if my children enjoy something and it isn't harmful to them or anyone else, I let them do it.

All of my children attended the same preschool - a twice weekly program at our church. They all loved it and were sad when they grew too old for it.

The same group of volunteers has run the program for ages and they are incredibly nice, generous women that are part of our church family.

I'm thankful that my kids had a rewarding, happy experience in this program.

They didn't NEED it, but they certainly benefited from it.
 
#14 ·
No, not necessary. Some families find them to work well for the parents and children and I don't think MDO and preschool are harmful, so to each their own.

My DD won't be going to preschool, but we plan to homeschool and will likely start some academic work with her when she might normally attend preschool if she seems ready.
 
#15 ·
No, I don't believe those programs are necessary for a child's development at all.

With my oldest daughter...we did story time at the library, indoor gym time in the winter at a local leisure centre, play groups, etc. My son did go to preschool, but it was a specialized one to help him with his speech issues. I believe he needed that.

With my youngest...I don't know what we'll do when the time comes. But regardless, no, I don't believe that a child needs these programs to succeed in school or for socialization. My son sure did enjoy his program, though
.
 
#16 ·
I don't believe it's necessary. My 3 year old has a weekly playdate with his cousins, visits my brother once a week, and stays all night with my parents on Friday night. He goes shopping and to appts. with us and you will not find a more outgoing, friendly child. He relates well to adults and to other kids.

In our area (very rural) we don't even have a MDO program that I'm aware of and preschool lasts all day just like regular school now. We are planning to hs but there is no way I'd send him to an all day program at this age even if we weren't. I don't think he'd handle that very well, he is still just a baby, IMO.
 
#17 ·
I don't think either are necessary. I have three, the oldest is 6, and we've never done either of those things.

We pretty much decided even before we married that things requiring our children to be away from us are not necessary. We have weekly gym class which the boys enjoy, weekly visits to the library, and they have weekly Sunday School as well. They get plenty of interaction with other kids. Because it's fun. But institutional stuff, and "school" for toddlers, I'm not so hot on.
 
#18 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by novaxmomof2 View Post
I love coming to these forums because I learn so much from all of you. Lately I've been wondering if I am the only one who doesn't send my kids (I have a 20-month old DS and an almost 4-year old DS) to Mother's Day Out or Pre-school. I belong to a mom's group and 99% of them send their kids to one or the other or both if they have multiple kids. I don't have anything against these programs but I don't feel they are necessary. My oldest son doesn't want to go (he says he'd rather stay home with me and his little brother) and of course my younger son doesn't want me out of his sight right now LOL. We go to playdates once or twice a week and I take them with me everywhere so it's not like they are never around other kids. I just have zero desire to send them off when I'm right here at home.

So, what do you think? Also, we are planning to homeschool (unschool probably) so that makes me even more sure that it isn't necessary. But I would like to hear from other moms on this. If they are missing out on something important by not going I feel I should at least consider it. Thanks for listening!
We never did MDO or preschool. Went to MOPS a few times for a break but did not enjoy that vibe at all.
 
#19 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by churndash View Post
No of course it isn't necessary. But I don't go through life only doing that which is absolutely necessary.

Ice-cream and birthday parties aren't necessary. Going to the movies once in a while isn't necessary. A yellow skirt with daisies isn't necessary. But those things are fun, and if my children enjoy something and it isn't harmful to them or anyone else, I let them do it.

All of my children attended the same preschool - a twice weekly program at our church. They all loved it and were sad when they grew too old for it.

The same group of volunteers has run the program for ages and they are incredibly nice, generous women that are part of our church family.

I'm thankful that my kids had a rewarding, happy experience in this program.

They didn't NEED it, but they certainly benefited from it.
Point taken.

However, I've noticed that in our society, people who don't send their kids off are deemed "weird," "controlling," or "coddling."

So, it's great that your kids loved and benefitted from their preschool program. My kids spend their early years in a different environment, and they benefitted from it, as well. As long as everyone respects that, that's all that matters.

The fact that some children love preschool and benefit from it does not make it a necessity. Children lived, learned, and thrived long before preschools were invented.
 
#20 ·
I don't think that it is necessary, but my 4 yr old is going to pre-K this fall. I don't plan to homeschool and he is such a social butterfly that I know he will love it.

My oldest didn't go to school until kingergarten. My middle child did pre-K, because he has Autism and he was starting speech and occupational therapy and we thought he would benefit from school.
 
#21 ·
no, not necessary at all but I think it's a choice everyone needs to decide for their family. I thought about doing mothers day out for my youngest but decided not to, because I joined some bible studies and she got to play with other kids then and I really didn't have any need for MDO. We did preschool with my 2nd dd because she was so shy but she was still shy at the end of preschool LOL. I just love having mine home with me and kindergarten comes too soon as it is lol
 
#22 ·
If someone is planning to send her kids to school, I think it's worth considering. I think my kids would have had a hard time jumping into being away from home for full school days, five days a week, without having first become used to shorter times away and fewer days a week. Mine started at age 2-3 (it got a little later with each child), 2-3 days a week, in a 3-4 hour a day program.

I'm also one of those people who desperately needs solitude. I didn't have family who would babysit on anything approaching a regular basis, and my kids' preschool provided a great environment with caring teachers for a really good price. (I have no one to babysit at all these days, but it's not a big crisis because my kids are older and I get my quiet time while they are at school.) Getting a friend to watch my child wasn't a good solution for me because I didn't want to have to reciprocate.
 
#23 ·
I think it depends on a lot of things. Mine don't but they have a lot of children to play with both in the home and in our neighborhood. I have things that I do for me time when dh is home. I teach belly dance classes at a rec center and our belly dance troupe performs at assisted living homes occasionally. I need that time to be something besides just mom and wife.
 
#24 ·
Before I had kids, or when my youngest was still a baby/toddler I thought pre-school was 'mandatory'.

I grew up starting pre-school close to 3, went half days for the first years and full school days in the 2d and 3d, and I've always loved it, have very fond memories, too. It's the habit in my country of origin to send children to pre-school from the age of 2,5-3, starting to be popular somewhere in the seventies? It was just a normal concept to me.
I even remember thinking about a very energetic/spirited neighbourhood child where I now live of him 'needing to go to school' when he was about 4 and his parents hadn't sent him 'yet'. I now know I was wrong in making this assumption.
When I had a child of my own I thought of not sending him because it would mean private pre-school, and in my own country I went to fee of charge state pre-school so couldn't imagine paying that much money for sending a child to something I've had 'for free' (and state pre-just started around here and requires a fee just as private, may it be cheaper).

Ds1 at 2,5 started to first inquire about 'going to school'. He was the only one of his age in our neighbourhood starting to play outdoors more often and his neighbourhood friends, who were 3-4y older started kindergarten/primary school by then. Him being extraverted, sociable and loving other children and asking 'when he could go to chool' contributed to our sending him to pre-school at 3,5. He was involved in finding and choosing the right school for him, the search itself was a way to learn to understand his need and level of readiness to go. He was so excited. Half days would be what suited him so full days with required napping which he didn't need were out of the question. We didn't need a daycare, he just wanted the play and activities and being around peers.
At the same time, my need to spent more quality one on one time with ds2 was met, too.
Now I see that ds1 is often tired because of school. Sometimes he's a bit bored. But he still loves to go in general. He usually doesn't mind going to school in the mornings. He's just so used to it.

I've always assumed that ds2 would start to go at the same age (3,5). He's now 3 and I'm just not so sure about this anymore. He's a very different personality than his brother, he is high needs and a very spirited/explosive child. He has more peers around here for him to play with. He doesn't like a fully controlling structure. He needs one on one time, and I need this with him, too. He likes to be outdoors with me. The same pre-school as ds1 may not even be such a great idea because of their sibling rivalry and their obvious need to spend time away from each other. He sometimes likes to enter his brother's school but I know it's only for playing with the toys there. Ds2 is not out of diapers at the moment and we do CLPL (lol: child lead potty learning) and he's not ready for this yet. So no, now I'm not so convinced ds2, or therefore any child NEEDS pre-school at all, or at a particular age. For some it could be beneficial, for others it would be better to not go.

Ds1 could've done equally well without pre-school, I'm sure. But he WANTED to go. And I will look at ds2 closely for what he wants and needs as an individual. If we (him included) would believe it beneficial for him, and us, to go to pre-school, than he'll go. And then we'll find an arrangement that suits him best. And suppose it wouldn't work out, I would be ready to have him back home with me, too.

In my coi, pre-school is seen as a nescessity by government and most parents/grand-parents (working parents, and also most sahp(may there not be so many these days)) as a general NEED for children 2,5-6 to attend pre-school. Not always as the need for the individual child though, but based on other, more generalised beliefs/reasons (eg independency, daycare situation, learning, socialising, learning school discipline).

I now changed my perspective and do not believe it is a MUST anymore, just an option.

My family is convinced it is a must though, so we already got some comments on ds 'needing' to go to school by now (and his almost same age niece is already going for 4m now), and am sure there will be more comments/urges, especially if we decide it's not time/suitable/needed for our son to go, and definitely if we would not send him to school until 4, 5 or 6. But we're not sure about what he'll need in the near future anyway.

Dhs family doesn't see pre-school as a must at all since in their days/life/culture/country it just didnt exist and and even in their present culture/lifestyle it is not a must at all, pre-school is also something very new in the society I now live in, and mostly just in the major cities. However, views on early 'education' (and daycare, and wohms) have been drastically changing over the past decade, and also government's approach, so now pre-school seems to become a 'must' for many of the 'modern generation', mostly in the urbanised areas still.
 
#25 ·
"Need" is so subjective. Does a 3 year old NEED to have other 3 year olds around them to be normal and healthy? No. Does a mum who feels a strong need to be alone which impactson her health and wellbeing when she ignores it NEED to find the time to be alone? Yes.

My DD was born in April and will go to mainstream school when she is 5 years and 4 months old. Accordingly, since i don't crave alone time and am happy to be wth her in the home, i elected not to send her to nursery at 3 years and 4 months when she is elgible for a free place. I don't see the point in giving her 2 years of preparation for school, though i have friends who teach young primary-school children who say they definitely see that those who went to nursery transition more easily (mainly because you can begin nursery as 2hours twice a week and increase to 3 hours 5x a week solwly over 3 terms, whereas with school you get a few weeks of half-days and then you're fully into full-on days 9am-3pm) so i'm clear that i do want to offer her the chance to go before she begins school.
 
#26 ·
I dont necessarily think my kids needed or need it, but I need a few hours to myself in order to be the best parent and spouse. But if our money situation deemed it necessary to cut expenses, the MDO program would be cut. Both my girls enjoy the coop preschool we attend and 95% of the families who I have met enjoyed it as did their children. But there are the ones where preschool is not a good thing and I feel that child belongs with the parent at home.

Being AP dosent mean we should say its wrong to send our kids to programs but to understand and accept your child's needs and wants to tend to those. My dd2 loves and thrives in the program she is in and likes these sort of things. If I just kept her at my side because I felt it was wrong to send her to the program I am doing a disservice to her. But allowing her to grow and cater to what she needs is a better parent.
 
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