Do you (think you) look older than your DP?

258 Views 17 Replies 17 Participants Last post by rhubarbarin, Apr 12, 2009

wagamama

Discussion Starter · Apr 8, 2009

And if so, does it bother you, or affect your relationship in any way? I'm going through a kind of crisis at the moment. When DH and I met, he was 27 and I was 32, but we looked about the same age. After having children, however, I seem to have aged super-rapidly. Maybe it's the fact that I haven't had a good night's sleep in 3 1/2 years, or maybe just that I've hit 40. But I now look substantially older than him. When I mention it to DH, he just says, "you're a mother now, don't worry" and he says he loves me, but I feel uncomfortable about the situation, and unattractive.

Any thoughts/experiences/advice?

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Softmama

· #2 · Apr 8, 2009

My dh is 2 years older than me, but when we first started dating he looked like he was really much older than me (one of my friends asked me what it was like to date an older guy). I looked young for my age (and was proud of that!) and he was completely bald (he was only 24 at the time). I LIKED looking way younger than him.
Now (like you since kids) I have really aged. And I'm not sure if I look older than him, but I definitely no longer look like the young trophy wife. I look his age, maybe a little more haggard than him.
I don't like it.
So I can kind of relate.
My only advice is to start taking care of yourself. We may not be able to look younger, but at least we can look hot

I never ever wore makeup, had my hair done, etc. Now I make an appointment every 6 weeks without fail to get my hair cut and I use a high quality line of skin care plus "light" makeup. And I am trying to slowly redo my wardrobe with things that fit and flatter.

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Freedom~Mama

· #3 · Apr 9, 2009

I would say we look about the same age. I am two months older than him. I think we have both always looked young for our ages esp. me. I used to hate it but now that I am nearing 30 I like it. I am sure at some point though it will catch up with me.

TwinsTwicePlusTwo

· #4 · Apr 9, 2009

2

I definitely look older than my partners, but that's because they look really, really young (they're two years older than me, actually). People literally think they're siblings to our older kids and they always get carded at clubs. I think it's hilarious. They're 31 and don't look a day over 16.

I'm 29 (almost 30, eeek) and more or less look my age. I honestly don't mind not being mistaken for a high-school student or my 11yo's sister.

Ask again when we're all in our 40s and I look my age while my partners still look 20, though.

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nina_yyc

· #5 · Apr 9, 2009

Well what's really important is how YOU feel about yourself. Sounds like your DP thinks you look fine.

Storm Bride

· #6 · Apr 9, 2009

Yes. I'm 40, and he's 33. While I think I look young for my age...so does he. When he doesn't have a beard, he doesn't look old enough to drink! (Okay - probably a slight exaggeration, but he's definitely baby-faced.) I also aged a lot in a very short period of time when we lost our baby.

So, yeah - I look older than he does. Once in a blue moon, it bothers me a little, but mostly I'm good with it. I can't really expect to look like a kid forever.

mags

· #7 · Apr 9, 2009

My DH is 2 yrs older than me. Since having children, I feel that I look older than him. My body has really gone downhill, I am sprouting white hairs like they are going out of style and I have gained wt. My DH works out a lot and has like ONE white hair. Pretty soon ppl will start assuming I am five yrs older than I am...

ollineeba

· #8 · Apr 9, 2009

2

DH and I are 4 yrs 1 month (can't forget that extra month

)apart. I'm 27 and he is 31. Right now we look pretty close to the same age, although he's starting to get grey hair all over his head (edited to add: but it makes him look.. distinguished.. and it's sexy on him

)

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~PurityLake~

· #9 · Apr 9, 2009

2

Quote:

Originally Posted by wagamama

View Post

And if so, does it bother you, or affect your relationship in any way? I'm going through a kind of crisis at the moment. When DH and I met, he was 27 and I was 32, but we looked about the same age. After having children, however, I seem to have aged super-rapidly. Maybe it's the fact that I haven't had a good night's sleep in 3 1/2 years, or maybe just that I've hit 40. But I now look substantially older than him. When I mention it to DH, he just says, "you're a mother now, don't worry" and he says he loves me, but I feel uncomfortable about the situation, and unattractive.

Any thoughts/experiences/advice?

I *am* older than my husband, by about 3.5 years. Everyone had thought I was younger than him, and I was slightly insulted because I thought it indicated a lack of maturity on my part or something (because he was only 26 when I met him). Then I had two babies, 14 months apart and *I* think I look much older than I did 4 years ago (we've been married 4 years). I have more white hair than I did 4 years ago, I'm heavier than I was 4 years ago, but the same weight I was 5-10 years ago. I think those factor in, but I don't know how those affect if I look older than him now. I don't know if I still look younger to others as I used to. Maybe now I look the same age as him. Maybe now I look older, but then again I am.

It obviously doesn't bother me. He turned 31 this year and I think he's thinking about his age now, but then he had his first child at the age of 19 and has been a father for 12 years, whereas I didn't have my first child until I was 30 and have only been a parent for nearly 4 years, so I don't feel 30 + is old as he seems to feel about the age for himself.

So, my experience (and our age differences) are very similar, OP.
the only advice I have for you is listen to your husband '"You're a mommy now, don't worry". I'm sure he does love you and age never made a person unlovable.

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Liquesce

· #10 · Apr 9, 2009

Present marriage, no. First marriage ... I didn't really think he looked younger, but I know there are people who disagreed with me about that, and more often than not he did read as the just plain more attractive half of our couple ... an assessment I would be the first to agree with, and not in a particularly self-depreciating way but just as a statement of fact. (Insofar as attractiveness can be fact, I guess.)

Sometimes it got to me a little bit ... I tried not to let it though. I got that it was my issue in my own head. Even if the whole world was looking at us thinking, "wow, what the heck is he doing with her" -- which, obviously, they weren't -- it would still be my own issue in my own head if their doing so made me do anything but laugh at them for it.

RainRaven

· #11 · Apr 10, 2009

I am older than DH, but no we look the same age.

darcytrue

· #12 · Apr 10, 2009

2

Nope. I am almost 41 and DH is 45. He looks his age, gray hair and everything. We get comments a lot that I must be his daughter or younger sister.

When we bought our last car the salesman commented that his daughter sure was lucky to get that new car.

I hate it.

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wagamama

Discussion Starter · #13 · Apr 11, 2009

I guess I should have worded my question differently ... i was looking more for responses from people who do feel that they look older than their partners. I was wondering how you feel about it (whether it bothers you or not) and how you deal with it.

Quindin

· #14 · Apr 11, 2009

DH is 1 year older than me, but has always looked very young for his age (last time he was carded, he was 28!)
I on the other hand, looked like 21 already as a 15yo because of my complexion, and when I had babies and put on weight, then I looked a lot older. I hated it!

People never thought we were together, probably because I looked too old for him or something...

We are now looking about the same age though, and we both love it!
DH now has harder, more square features now and has lost most of his baby face + he is putting on some healthy weight (and he has a handful of adorable wrinkles!). I still need to lose some weight, but just like my mom I am aging well because of my complexion. After I lose weight I think I will look a bit younger than my age.

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Sharlla

· #15 · Apr 11, 2009

We are both the same age and I think look about the same. I get told all the time that I look 24ish even though I'll be 30 this year

becoming

· #16 · Apr 11, 2009

DH is 2 months older than me but looks a couple years younger, I think. It doesn't really bother me, because I look my age--he's the weird one who doesn't.

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Mountaingirl79

· #17 · Apr 11, 2009

Well no... but my dh looks a lot older than me. I'm sure people think I'm his daughter or niece at times. It doesn't bother me, I kinda like it.

( He is 8 years older than me anyway)
Try not to let it bother you!

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rhubarbarin

· #18 · Apr 12, 2009

LOL, no, he is 17 years older than me. He looks good for his age but doesn't look 'young'. And I am 23 and am always getting told I look younger.

Thankfully, no one has ever thought we were uncle/niece or anything. We don't look alike.

I don't expect I will age as well as him. He is Italian and has great skin. I am British/Scottish and have very dry, fragile skin - my family gets all wrinkled up by the time they're 40.

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