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<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Gracecody</strong> <a href="/community/t/1389614/do-you-use-behavior-reward-charts#post_17455171"><img alt="View Post" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I had never considered using one until recently. I had the idea to try one with my older two (ages 5&7), who were fighting a lot earlier in the summer. </div>
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<p>Same here. Never used them until I needed *something* to get us out of a rut. DD1 (8 when we started this) always has liked charts and levels and things like that, so I pulled the idea out to encourage them to be civil to each other. It worked for her, for as long as we used it. She was old enough to see that it was a trick we were using so that she could find the motivation to act appropriately-- because often a keen insult or slap can be more rewarding in the short term than any punishment or promise of a reward. But it was only a trick-- she had in herself the ability to change her behavior, but like adults, sometimes we need a mental shakeup to find where we can find that ability and *use it*.</p>
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<p>With DD2, then 6, the same system was abysmal. Her behavior got worse, even as her sister's got better (coincidence? Somehow I don't think so!) So, we ultimately ditched it because we needed to have one system for everybody (our house is big on fairness, meaning "equal" unfortunately).</p>
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<p>Things are much, much better anyway. DD1's endless searing comments to her sister have nearly dried up-- it's more normal sibling stuff now-- and dd2 has stopped screaming at people, for the most part.</p>
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<p>BTW, when I did the charts, there were carrots and sticks. First stick--no star, second stick, lost a treat next day. They could earn back the treat, but not the star. 7 stars earned an extra treat, a month of stars (28, not perfect) earned something like an extra half-hour of riding during lesson time. We chose treats because those were the biggest motivators.</p>
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<p>I hated starting the system, I felt like a total failure, but then nothing else I was able to do was working, and as imperfect as system as it was, it worked to some extent. In general, I frown upon them as a de facto tool for encouraging behavior, but so much of our society works off this kind of reward system, that I don't see real harm in using it occasionally, having it as an option in your parenting "tool bag". Sure, I think it can cause troubles down the road for kids who milk the system and don't really care about why they are doing it, but to some extent this could be an acceptable trade-off for a parent who desperately needs the kids to pitch in, to stop hitting their sister. I think for me this is much like my opinion on parents driving kids around the block for naps-- once I frowned upon it, now I understand!</p>
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<p>Where I wouldn't approve is areas where there clearly isn't much real control possible-- like using the potty if the skill isn't there, or behavioral troubles that are rooted in ADD, allergic reactions, family dysfunction or other stresses of life. My approval would be entirely dependent on a healthy home environment, reasonable expectations, and a no "unusual" circumstances for behavioral problems. </p>
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<p>ETA: I think it's * better* if we could try encouraging the positive behaviors without such obviously external reward systems, but I think that for some kids, they can be a real motivator, a physical record of their accomplishments. Conversely, though, with another child or another circumstance, it can be a physical record of their failure, too, so I think parents really need to use this system judiciously. I think that was why it didn't work in the long term at my house-- dd1 saw her victories, dd2 saw her failures.</p>
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