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<p>I have a three month old.  I always thought I wanted several kids.  Now that I have her, I really don't want another one.  Does that go away when she gets bigger? If you just have one baby, do you feel this way? If you have more than one: Did you feel differently when they got older or did you always want more?</p>
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<p>Both my husband and myself are only children.  I just can't imagine a house with more than one kid.  I wanted several because we don't have sibblings and would like a big family. Now I don't know what I want.  It might be the lack of sleep talking.</p>
 

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<p>It changed for me. We "planned" on 6 kids...and when DS was born and I was exhausted I SWORE we'd only have one. As it got easier to deal with him (before the "terrible twos" kicked in) I was more open to having more. Now, I'm pregnant again (conceived around his first birthday) and we've planned to take it one kid at a time (and have more "us" time in between 2 and 3)</p>
 

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It very well may change with time. I am in the same place as you with my nearly 8 month old. I do want more kids, but I used to think I wanted them close together, like 18 months apart. Now I want to wait until Cecilia is 2-ish to start trying, so that there's around a 3 year age difference. I don't want to shortchange either child with my attention! But I have definitely heard that there will come a time when you know you're ready for #2.
 

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I posted this in another thread about child spacing, but this is the one thing that colors my views on having only one child: I listened to a tear-jerking, heart-wrenching story on NPR recently where a woman in her fifties was talking about growing up as an only child. For the most part, she was fine with that, but as it happened, both of her parents died very close to one another, like within the span of a couple of months. The one thing that she kept talking about was that she was the only person who had tons of memories of her parents throughout the bulk of their lives. She had no one to talk to about those memories, as cousins and aunts and uncles weren't as close to her parents as she had been. That was her big regret. She wanted to have someone to share her experiences with, and to commemorate her parents' lives, and she didn't have anyone to do that with. For that reason alone, I would be very hesitant to stop at just one child. I wouldn't want her to feel that isolated and lonely in the event that my husband and I passed.
 

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<p>Somewhat. I always have felt after a baby that I would have more, just not right then. Then eventually I am ready. I did go through a period after #2 where I questioned if I was done or not but it was coming more from having 2 children with special needs and wondering if I could handle more, now I have 3 all their own different issues so apparently I thought I could. Or maybe I am just insane from not sleeping for 8 years now, who knows. </p>
 

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<p>It's only been three months for me as well, and even though Ellie is not even close to being an easy baby, I'm already excited about the idea of having another.  Mind you, it's only the *idea* I'm excited about at this point--I definitely don't see myself as the type who would survive 2 under 2!  Like Aimee, I'd probably like to shoot for a 3 year age gap between Ellie and a sibling; I'm already 33, so I don't want to wait too long.  I was an only child for 7 years, and was (and am) so incredibly happy my parents had my "surprise" sister; even if Ellie and a future sibling don't end up as best friends, I'd at least like each of them to be able to commiserate with each other over their crazy parents!  <span><img alt="lol.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/lol.gif"></span></p>
 

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Discussion Starter #8
<p>Thank you for your comments.  I will hang in there and hope I feel like having more next year.  Maybe when I'm not holding a baby in my arms I'll want one!</p>
<p>I have a coworker who lost her brother at a young age.  Her advice was "have 3 so if one dies you'll have 2 left." !!!  <span><img alt="huh.gif" height="15" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/huh.gif" width="15"></span></p>
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<p>I didn't mind being an only child. My parents did not spoil me and I was not a brat.  I think there's benefits to both.</p>
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<p>I do think about leaving the burden of putting up with me on one child.  I might be a pain in the butt when I get old!  The main reason I consider having more is to experience even more joy than one can bring. I worry more about having too many and not having enough resources (time, money, engergy) to take care of them all.  My concern is having the work become so much that I can't enjoy the kids. </p>
<p> </p>
 

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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>reneeisorym</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1282865/do-you-want-another-one#post_16085653"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p> </p>
<p>I have a coworker who lost her brother at a young age.  Her advice was "have 3 so if one dies you'll have 2 left." !!!  <span><img alt="huh.gif" height="15" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/huh.gif" width="15"></span></p>
 
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<br><br><p>OMG!</p>
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<p>To answer the OP, we plan on two or three. When DS was that young, I could not even think about having more. Now that he's 8 months, I'm okay with more but I plan on waiting a few years. I would like him to be weaned and mostly sleeping in his own bed before getting pregnant again!</p>
 

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<p>I think 3 months old is waaaayy too soon to make a decision on whether or not to have another baby. At least for me, it took awhile to be ready to have another baby.</p>
 

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<p><br>
 </p>
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Cecilia's Mama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1282865/do-you-want-another-one#post_16085446"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br>
I posted this in another thread about child spacing, but this is the one thing that colors my views on having only one child: I listened to a tear-jerking, heart-wrenching story on NPR recently where a woman in her fifties was talking about growing up as an only child. For the most part, she was fine with that, but as it happened, both of her parents died very close to one another, like within the span of a couple of months. The one thing that she kept talking about was that she was the only person who had tons of memories of her parents throughout the bulk of their lives. She had no one to talk to about those memories, as cousins and aunts and uncles weren't as close to her parents as she had been. That was her big regret. She wanted to have someone to share her experiences with, and to commemorate her parents' lives, and she didn't have anyone to do that with. For that reason alone, I would be very hesitant to stop at just one child. I wouldn't want her to feel that isolated and lonely in the event that my husband and I passed.</div>
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<p>This. I'm an only child and my parents are in their mid-60's and I'm starting to wish they had had more children just so that I can share in the responsibility of my parents as they age. I also feel like I will be extremely devestated when they pass which is such a horrifying thought that I actually had to seek therepy to deal with it. The truth is that when my parents pass, it will be as if my entire family is gone whereas children from larger families don't have that exact feeling.<br>
 </p>
 

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<p>I feel the same way,OP</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I thought we would have two. But now that I have one- who is actually a pretty laid back happy guy, I think we may stick with one! It takes so much energy- and I just love it- but I think I can do a better job with one and then still have some energy to tend other areas of my life at some point when the baby is older. I do consider it a lot though, and think it might be nice for my son to have a sibling. But when I think about tending and caring for two it feels overwhelming! Some people say it is easier in the long run as they can play together, so I also consider that. But right now I am not sure if we will have another.</p>
 

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<p>I always wanted 2 or 3; we got pregnant with my third shortly before my second's 4th bday and after a lot of consideration. Now that she's here, we're done! I do look at my sweet babe and think I'd like to have more babies, but pregnancy and birth aren't fun for me (not that I have any real problems, I just don't enjoy them) and I think 3 is more than enough. If we do decide to have a fourth it will be through adoption. </p>
 

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<p>OP, I have a DD and 2 fur babies as well and...</p>
<p>Yes, I want another and maybe another after that :)</p>
<p>I always thought 0-1 was fine by me.</p>
<p>Then , I got baby fever and knew I wanted to have a child.</p>
<p>I just knew it would be one and done for us. After the birth of DD, I find myself wanting more.</p>
<p>I know there will be at least one more and maybe even others. I have learned to just go with how I feel and not put a number on things.</p>
<p>I've been so wrong before.</p>
 

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Discussion Starter #15
<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>cocoanib</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1282865/do-you-want-another-one#post_16085821"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border-bottom:0px solid;border-left:0px solid;border-top:0px solid;border-right:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>OP, I have a DD and 2 fur babies as well and...</p>
<p>Yes, I want another and maybe another after that :)</p>
<p>I always thought 0-1 was fine by me.</p>
<p>Then , I got baby fever and knew I wanted to have a child.</p>
<p>I just knew it would be one and done for us. After the birth of DD, I find myself wanting more.</p>
<p>I know there will be at least one more and maybe even others. I have learned to just go with how I feel and not put a number on things.</p>
<p>I've been so wrong before.</p>
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I love this!!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I think of how wonderful it would be to have 4 grown kids to have over for holidays and it sounds delightful.  When I think of four babies/toddlers/young children I freak out a little.</p>
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<p>Funny thing is - I haven't seen my baby since this morning. (I'm at work) and I think about how much I miss her and how precious she is and I want to hold her so bad!  Then when I'm at home and she's screaming, I decide I definitely don't want any more of those screaming babies!!</p>
 
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<p>Yeah, we want more.  But we're still more in the "idea" stage than in the "reality" stage of wanting another baby... my DD is 18mo.  I am pretty sure we want to wait until she is at least 2 before we try to have another baby. </p>
 

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When DD was little, we swore up and down that she was going to be an only child. She screamed, never slept, and was on the boob every hour, or sometimes for hours at a time...it was so draining we weren't at all interested in another.<br><br>
But then she potty trained, and slept through the night at times, and sometimes slept in her own bed, and started to play solo, and suddenly parenting seemed like a lot less work and a lot more fun. Now we have two, almost four years apart.<br><br>
DD2 is such a mellow, easy baby. A total "sucker" child, as in suckers you into wanting another. So now I want another one, and DH is like, wait, how did " okay for two" become "I want three?". <img alt="redface.gif" class="bbcode_smiley" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/redface.gif">. Give it time, your mind could change.
 

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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Cecilia's Mama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1282865/do-you-want-another-one#post_16085446"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border-bottom:0px solid;border-left:0px solid;border-top:0px solid;border-right:0px solid;"></a><br><br>
I posted this in another thread about child spacing, but this is the one thing that colors my views on having only one child: I listened to a tear-jerking, heart-wrenching story on NPR recently where a woman in her fifties was talking about growing up as an only child. For the most part, she was fine with that, but as it happened, both of her parents died very close to one another, like within the span of a couple of months. The one thing that she kept talking about was that she was the only person who had tons of memories of her parents throughout the bulk of their lives. She had no one to talk to about those memories, as cousins and aunts and uncles weren't as close to her parents as she had been. That was her big regret. She wanted to have someone to share her experiences with, and to commemorate her parents' lives, and she didn't have anyone to do that with. For that reason alone, I would be very hesitant to stop at just one child. I wouldn't want her to feel that isolated and lonely in the event that my husband and I passed.</div>
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<p><br><br>
This played heavily into the decision to have a second child.  Frankly, it was THE reason.  My mother died, and I have no one with any shared experiences.  I have no one to talk with to share with, to have those "remember when" and "did you know" and shared sadness and happiness, and I am desparately sad about this - still, nearly 5 years later.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She died when my son was 8 months old.  His infancy was incredibly difficult, and I had decided not to have another.  There was just no way I could be a good parent to another, and I honestly wasn't sure I would come out of his infancy sane, alive, or still married, among other things.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After she died, I totally made a completely emotional decision to have another child due to not wanting mine to go through the same thing when we die.  The road to having another child was long, long, and so bittersweet; we lost our second child (a son) when i was 23 weeks pregnant.  After reeling from that miserable, horrific time, we decided to try to have a baby again.  It took a long time to get pregnant, and we needed clomid.  It really made me think, wtf, maybe the universe has a different plan.  But i still very strongly felt this emotional need for my children to have shared memories of us. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The pregnancy was a difficult one, physically and emotionally, but this little miracle is now 9 months old.  It has, again, been an incredibly challenging time, due to severe awful GERD and frankly I didn't hardly see my son for the first 4 months.  But this time, ah, this time, the <strong>knowledge</strong> based on experience that it gets easier is there.  Truly, knowing that it really really really WILL pass has made things so much more bearable.  I used to hate it when people would say "this too shall pass," but now I know, and really, I don't think I can explain how that has made things so much better. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>My baby daughter is a delight.  And, I no longer am worried about being able to do this. I realize now that I can handle it, I can be a good parent (most of the time) to both my little ones.  And they have each other, for better or worse <span><img alt="wink1.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="width:15px;height:15px;"></span>.</p>
 
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Made me cry, mama! <img alt="mecry.gif" class="bbcode_smiley" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/mecry.gif">
 

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<p>Tellera and Cecilia's Mama, I never bought the whole only children are lonely and not social thing, but what you both have expressed really hit me.</p>
<p>It would be sad to not have any first hand witnesses to your life. I never thought about it like that.</p>
<p>My Mom has passed and some of the best times are all of us kids sitting around reminiscing and sharing memories.</p>
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>reneeisorym</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1282865/do-you-want-another-one#post_16085842"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border-right:0px solid;border-top:0px solid;border-left:0px solid;border-bottom:0px solid;"></a><br><br><br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>cocoanib</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1282865/do-you-want-another-one#post_16085821"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border-right:0px solid;border-top:0px solid;border-left:0px solid;border-bottom:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>OP, I have a DD and 2 fur babies as well and...</p>
<p>Yes, I want another and maybe another after that :)</p>
<p>I always thought 0-1 was fine by me.</p>
<p>Then , I got baby fever and knew I wanted to have a child.</p>
<p>I just knew it would be one and done for us. After the birth of DD, I find myself wanting more.</p>
<p>I know there will be at least one more and maybe even others. I have learned to just go with how I feel and not put a number on things.</p>
<p>I've been so wrong before.</p>
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<p><br><br>
I love this!!</p>
<p> </p>
<p><strong>I think of how wonderful it would be to have 4 grown kids to have over for holidays and it sounds delightful.</strong>  When I think of four babies/toddlers/young children I freak out a little.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Funny thing is - I haven't seen my baby since this morning. (I'm at work) and I think about how much I miss her and how precious she is and I want to hold her so bad!  Then when I'm at home and she's screaming, I decide I definitely don't want any more of those screaming babies!!</p>
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<p> </p>
<p>That does sounds like so much fun! One thing I would like is for my DD to have someone to go to when I'm driving her nuts or she thinks her parents don't understand her. You know what I mean? I want her to have other confidants who know what she's talking about, because we are their parents too. Not that DH and I are looney parents, but there may come a day when our kids think so. :)<br><br>
 </p>
 
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