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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
OMG!!!! I was with my family without the benifit of dh for a get together/weenie roast. My children don't know my side of the family very well since they all live long distances away. But we were down visiting and ds and dd were having a blast running mom ragged. Basically I think they had a conference in the back seat of the car on the trip down and determined that they were going to both be together for awhile, and then both run in opposite directions from one another and not come back when called. This could have been very dangerous!!!! Even campgrounds have cars that drive by on the roads. Of course if I picked up one to chase after the other this led to all sorts of breakdowns since they wanted to run run run run run. I finally said to my family "Hey! There is only one of me and I don't have 16 hands and I am not stretch arm mom!" You wanna know who helped me? my 11 y/o cousin!!! Where were the adults you might be asking yourself? I will tell ya, they were all sitting in their lawn chairs gabbing away!!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/banghead.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="banghead"> It shouldn't have had to fall on the shoulders of an 11 y/o to save her 24 y/o cousin from her psycho children! Ok, now that I have that out...<br><br>
Would you all help a family member out with their kids if you could? I know that I certainly would. I am beginning to wonder if the older generations are starting to get child phobic. Or maybe it is just my family. So what if Adam has SN or that Harley doesn't know who they are cause the last time she saw them was when she was like 7-8 months old. I would rather hear my child scream about being picked up by a stranger, then have to take them to the hospital cause they got hit by a car. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: I feel a bit better now that I have gotten that out. Thanks for letting me rant.
 

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I try to help as much as I can with my nieces and nephews. I play computer games with the older ones when they get bored, and chase the little ones when they get into things that they aren't supposed to. That said while my in-laws try to help me, with Ds's particular temperament it is really hard for them. He kicks screams and bites if some one tries to stop him from doing something he has his mind set on doing. So usually it is Dh or I who have to handle him, although I have noticed he will behave really well for his uncles if they will play with him. Dh's older brother is particullarly good with him. My mom really is the best when it comes to helping with Ds though.<br><br>
I am sorry you didn't get any help. I have noticed that the older generation tends to think that children should be able to just sit still and amuse themselves while the adults talk. And if they can't, then it is the parents job to handle it. Maybe next time you could offer to pay your younger cousin to help you out.
 

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because it was "you made your bed you lie in it " and they are yours so therefore your responsibility so I know the feeling of floundering<br><br>
Of course I have no compunction about leaving events if there is a problem and sounds like since you weren't getting much benefit from it maybe next time announce your are leaving???<br><br><br>
I am just not helpful am I ? Sorry<br><br>
((HUGGS))
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
If it hadn't been for the long a$$ drive I would have just up and left, but it was a 3 hour trip to see them. Thanks so much for responding. It is good to know that I am not the only one that this happens to.
 

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I have a sister who not only does not help, but criticizes and tells me what a bad mom I am for my son's behavioral issues. I've never had a situation where my children were in danger (cause we usually visit inside), but it sounds very frustrating.<br><br>
Visiting relatives that he doesn't know very well definitely brings out the worst in my son. He is shy, but acts out to relieve his stress and they just don't understand how this works--they think I am making excuses for him to be rude. I understand him so well, and now I just won't set him up this way anymore because I "get it" and they don't.<br><br>
It is very hard to deal with family reactions!!
 

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Oh, I know that frustration! Sometimes my family is good about helping, sometimes they just sit and visit while I chase. I'm always glad when they decide to help. When they choose not to, I want to bonk their heads together!<br><br>
Sometimes I get to visit, sometimes I end up upstairs playing with toys the entire trip.<br><br>
Going to visit my grandparents is the worst. They live in a small apartment full of valuable breakables. The last time we went to visit, they had the entire extended family in for a reunion. It was hellish. Ds was almost 2, and would dart between legs and get away from me. They had the patio door open (6th floor apartment) and benches and tables lining the railing. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/yikes2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yikes">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/scared.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="scared"> Oh, and an open charcoal grill on a low table. That was almost a year ago, and we haven't been back.
 

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I know how you feel! I've often been overwhelmed with my kids running this way and that while at a family gathering, where I would also love to sit in a lawn chair with some tea and chit chat, but I usually don't get to. I remember the time Dh's side had a big summer cookout and there was a big firepit way out back in the yard for corn on the cob. I only had one toddler and a nursling 3 month old at the time, and dh was with me, but still Kieran was running around the house out of my sight, running all the way across the yard (big country farm yard iykwim). I was doing alright until I spotted Kieran running too close to the grill and firepit for comfort. I shouted his name to no avail while getting up to go get him, then said no that's hot over there to no avail while he kept running. Meanwhile there are all these adults standing between me and him in his way and they're just kinda watching him run towards the grill? It was clear I was not going to get to him in time <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/headscratch.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="headscratch"> Then I yelled HOT! as Kieran was running, tripping, and falling mere inches away from the pit - I was running, knocked one stupified guy over because he was in my way from point A to point B, kept going and snatched up my toddler. I was so ticked I didnt apologize for bumping into the guy. Are some people just dense? I was so happy to eat and then just leave! Dh later said that side of the family wans't made up of the brightest folks...<br><br>
A happier story was when we recently went to an outdoor band concert for a few hours, I went with my mom, Dh was working. The kids got restless by the time the music started so I took them out behind the crowd where there was a huge yard and more gardens, really beautiful and lots of room. Mom came and helped me keep them a bit corralled and then went back to watch the rest of the concert. At one point Liam got ahead of me and was running down towards this small circular brick wall that was surrounding a big canon on display on more inlayed bricks. I qwent as fast as I could go b/c I could tell Liam wanted to climb down after his brothers, but my 22 wk belly with pelvic bone pain was hindering me. Another father instantly saw my predicament and got to Liam just in time and helped him down. It was about two feet up, enough to take a yucky tumble. I thanked him profusely, that's for sure!
 

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I feel your pain. Everyone tells us "oh, just let him go play with the other kids, he's almost 3!" Riiiiiiight. Let the child who has no sense of danger, no sense of self-preservation, just run off with the other kids, unattended. He's gone headfirst into a pool with dh standing inches behind him, and we're supposed to just leave him unsupervised?<br><br>
If I ever wasn't busy chasing my own munchkins, yes, I'd help another parent.
 

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My first two were, ummm, high-spirited. My son has severe ADHD, and my daughter had the nastiest attitude I ever saw on a small child. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><br><br>
They were about two and 5 when I went to visit my mother and sister one day. I lived about 2 or 3 miles away from them, and had no car. We were poor, desperate, struggling. We walked over to visit and I sensed an agenda. My ususally quuiet mother and sister had decided to have a talk with me about the fact that they found me to be short-tempered and said that I yelled too mucha nd should deal with them differently. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:<br><br>
i thought this over for a moment and said I thought they were right. I was probably over-stresed and needed a break. In fact, if Mum would lend me her car, I could go out for a few hours and they could give me a break by watching the kids! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/biglaugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="laugh">: They had backed themsleves into a corner and couldn't get out! Up to this time, my mother had babysit once, when I went to court to get a restraining order, and my sister not at all! Ever. Did I mention that I was a single <i>foster</i> parent? I mean, if ever anyone needed a break...<br><br>
Anyway, I went out! HTis was very unlike me, but I was feeling stresed, and they had really ticked me off! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/banghead.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="banghead"> ANd the kiddos were with their auntie, age 22, and my mom, who'd been a foster parent for 35 years by then.<br><br>
I cme back about four hours later. I can't believe I did that!<br><br>
When I walked into the house I could hear the kids crying. I hurried to the kitchen and their was the eldest, screaming and freaking and crying, her usual mode of communicating her dislike of anything, and my son was sitting by the table, sobbing! And my mother was obviously shook, and her eyes looked a bit wet too. Sis had dissappeared. I hurried to the kids, quieted them, soothed them, then asked, what the heck was going on?<br><br>
Well, my son had ignored my mother's repeated requests to remove himself form outside my fathers bedroom door (my father was sick) and to stop screaming (for fun) He refused, and kept it up, rinning up and down the hallway. This was a big house, there were lots of other places he could have done this, as my mother explained, over and over.<br><br>
But he wouldn't quit. Finally, in desperation, my mother took him by the arm, to lead him away. And he slapped her! In shock, she smacked him once on the butt. He burst into tears, and I'm guessing so did she. I doubt there was any pain involved (for him) as her hands were bent and swollen with arthritis. This was the first time she had swatted a kid that wasn't hers. (yeah, I got swatted twice, once when I stepped off the curb, over and over, and once when I freaked out about putting on my coat on a freezing day. My sister never did.)<br><br>
And sis had taken the kiddos out for hours of fun, the beach the arcade, etc. THen she had dropped of sonny-boy and taken DD to the convenience store with her. Dd freaked out because she wanted...I think it wa a squirt gun. Sis was broke and had got the kid ice cream, etc already. She tried to reason with her, but...a full blown, all out, no stops tantrum ensued in the store. Sis brought her home and I'd come in about 5 minutes behind them to find the tantrum just winding down.<br><br><br>
And they have NEVER critisized my parenting since!
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/bag.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Bag">:
 

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I count myself blessed that I have always had a very close and loving relationship with my family. There has never been a time when I didn't feel loved and supported by them. I have a HUGE family (Italian and German) so you can imagine what our get togethers look like. But, that's not to say it's all easy going every day either. We fight and disagree, but manage to work it out. Presently, some disagree with our decision for me to be a surrogate...but we've talked it through and their concerns are more for my health and safety, then from it being "wrong". I try not to ever take my family for granted.
 

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Red, that is a beautiful story!!!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/biglaugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="laugh">:
 

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I feel you. my mother and I actually got into it about this once. I was loading all my bags and my kids nto the car we had stayed the weekend and Dh was still in iraq. i'm loading everythingand it was taking forever.everyone was sitting back chatting wathing me and have good conversation. Fianlly after about the 6th trip I asked my sister's boyfriend ig he would put mare in the carseat and buckle her up for me. he put her in the seat, that's it. I asked him if he buckled her up and he said yes, I was about to pull off and mu aunt noticed she wasn't bucked up. So I did politly go off. why would lie about something that importnet would you do your won child like that(he has an almost 2 year old). Oh, I was so out of line caoording to my family especially mother. She said that it wasn't anyone's place to buckle my kids up in the first place so I had no right to be mad <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/jaw.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="dropjaw"><br><br>
yor right mom, one of me, three kids, seven peices of lugguge and 8 adults sitting back watching me but it's not like anyone HAd to help, it's just the common decent damn human thing to do. I wasn't so mad that he didn't buckle her he could have tolm me no although I was going out of my way to take him home but why lie about it? And for her comment, no one had to help me their my kids? WTF, I shoudl have none better this is the same group that asked me to take pics of my grandma at her birthday party knowing I had three kids tow atch by myslef and everyone of course turned on me when DD fell down the last 2 stairs. I shoudl have been watching her and the other kids and taking the pics but the otehr 15 poeple in the house, three of wich were sitting right by the stairs didn't have to stp her from going up cause it wasn't"their responsibilty"<br><br>
ah, you got me hot just talking about it and this happened back in february.
 
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