[SarahNC]

Hi everyone...
This is my first time on here... a local mom recommended I come here for some advice. I am pregnant with my first (a girl!) and due August 23rd. I took my birthing plan to my dr. appt. today, and when he said to me, "What's a birthing plan?" I started to get a little nervous. Up to this point, my doc has been supportive, and even though he's a "traditional" doc and I'm delivering at a hospital (which I am soooo starting to dread), I thought I would be fine if I could just provide a copy of my birthing plan to all the nurses and my doc.
Well, as my doc went through my birthing plan and saw that I did not want to be induced, and that I also did not want pitocin after the birth (they AUTOMATICALLY give it after birth to contract the uterus!!! When I told him that's why I will breastfeed immediately so my body can naturally release oxytocin and contract my uterus naturally... he looked at me like I was crazy--AAAGHH!).... He had a very puzzled look on his face when he read I didn't want the cord clamped and cut until it stopped throbbing... and said "really?" when he read that I did not want my baby vaccinated, given the eye drops, or vitamin K shot.
He would not even discuss these matters with me, and told me to go to the pediatrician to discuss these issues with him.
There are lots of other details... but to not make this a marathon post... in short, my husband's support is now wavering that he saw the doc's response, and I feel like I have no one. I am really wanting a midwife to deliver, or at least a doula to support me... but I feel like it's too late!
SOMEONE PLEASE OFFER ME SOME GOOD ADVICE!!!

 

[jlpetitte]

Its not to late to find a doula. Look up the Doulas of North America (DONA) website and find one in your area. It also may not be too late to switch providers, thats one of the biggest predictors of how things will go for you. But, also know that you have the right to refuse anything! Thats is your right.

 

[rozzie'sma]

Defiantely get a doula

 

[turtlewomyn]

It is never too late to switch care providers (or get a doula for that matter). I have heard stories where women were in labor, being pressured for a c-section, left the hospital, went to another and had their baby vaginally.
I wish I would have known I could switch care providers last minute, I ended up with a c-section because I felt trapped at 40+weeks with a midwife who turned medwife on me. I didn't think I could switch that late.
Good luck. Trust yourself, your birth plan is completely reasonable. This doctor sounds like a kook.

 

[Noelia430]

It's NEVER too late to transfer care. Post in your tribal area and see if anyone can recommend a midwife for you. I've known of people to transfer care at the very last minute, so please do not think it's too late!

 

[tanyalynn]

It really isn't too late to switch care providers. You are the employer, and he is the employee. If he chooses not to do what you request, you need to decide if he gets to keep his job. And although it can feel strange given that you have been with him for most of a pregnancy, he won't take it personally, he's got tons of other patients.

 

[hippiemom]

Yes a doula could lower your anxiety level and help you deal with these things in steps. You may not necessarily need to switch providers, but you surely need to be assertive, articulate, and comunicative in a proactive way. Sometimes you have to MAKE providers listen to you, welcome to parenthood. Explain WHY you made the choices that you did, have a dialogue. This sometimes puts them more at ease, when they see that you are intelligent and educated about why you plan to do what you do...

The most important thing to have in your birth plan is flexibility, knowing that some decisions are made in the moment as the situation requires. If you agree with this and can convey it that too makes starchy docs less so. He will learn from you! That said, if you are truly uncomfortable with him, switch! It is not too late to get a doula or a new doc or midwife, ever. As a doula I have taken clients who are technically overdue and go into labor a day or two after I meet them and it still goes ok, so look around, you have time!

 

[mothragirl]

i would start calling midwives or other OBs, at least get a doula.

 

[alegna]

I'd switch to a homebirth midwife.

-Angela

 

[SarahNC]

Thank you to everyone who replied. I got some numbers of some local midwives and doulas. I'm just going to see who I can get in touch with & who can meet with me the soonest...and that is probably the route I will go.

Any comments / suggestions about the vitamin k shot, eurithromycin eye drops, pencillin for group b strep??? Does anyone know if there is a test they can perform on the baby after she is born to check for group b strep bacteria & only treat her if necessary instead of putting us both at risk by medicating us, possibly unnecessarily?

 

[phillychiquita]

Get yourself changed to a provider who will support you and let you be the mother. Its never too late.

Re: the vaccs and shots, it is your right as the mother to determine what to do. If DH isnt reliable, pepper him with research and prepare to get assertive yourself. I know someone who went through something similar and the dad just got scared...and wanted to trust the doctor, but really he had little prep and little research and just a family history of over-reliance and trusting doctors. The mom had to fight and is glad she did it - and later, so was the dad (but he had no clue in the heat of the moment) so trust yourself and your instincts. If you cant find a homebirth midwife or a midwife who will support you, then a Doula sounds like your best option. She will also be very helpful resource for your husband who might be feeling pretty overwhelmed.

Good luck and let us know how it turns out! We're cheering for you!

 

[doula and mom]

I second everyone else, and I'm glad you're looking into other providers.

Are YOU groub b strep positive? If so, you have the right to refuse antibiotics during labor. An IV is just another hole in your body through which you can contract an infection because hospitals are absolutely full of germs. However, you can do the research on the benefits/consequences of getting antibiotics during labor for group b strep, if you are positive. There's a lot of info online.

I hope you find a provider who will honor your wishes! Everything you've written sounds reasonable to me.

Also, bear in mind what a pp (previous poster) said about being flexible with your birth plan. With my girl, I did not want the cord clamped until it stopped pulsing, but after she was born, she wasn't breathing very well so the CNM asked if she could cut it so they could move her and start giving her oxygen. I was fine with it, of course. Also I had in there that I wanted to keep my placenta, but we totally forgot it at the last minute. Oh well.

 

[cathicog]

Quote:

Originally Posted by SarahNC . He had a very puzzled look on his face when he read I didn't want the cord clamped and cut until it stopped throbbing... and said "really?" when he read that I did not want my baby vaccinated, given the eye drops, or vitamin K shot. He would not even discuss these matters with me, and told me to go to the pediatrician to discuss these issues with him. SOMEONE PLEASE OFFER ME SOME GOOD ADVICE!!!

Run, not walk to the nearest CPMs office. Where in NC are you, I know mw all over and you can always post in the Tribal section. Please consider a homebirth, or even wait at your house til ctx are 2-3 min apart and lasting 60 to 90 seconds long, and Get a Doula quickly. These guys(the hospital) have an agenda and yours isn't on it....any doc that looks puzzled when someone brings a birth plan should be fired, immediately. He/she may not have the clients' best interests at heart. I know many mw in NC, please PM me if you are interested. It is never too late until after the baby is born.

 

[annakiss]

Moved to I'm pregnant.

 

[mom2emerson]

Quote:

Originally Posted by SarahNC my husband's support is now wavering that he saw the doc's response, and I feel like I have no one.

In addition to the EXCELLENT advice in all the posts before, I'd like to strongly encourage you to sit down and have a heart to heart with your hubby. He is supposed to be your advocate when you are in labor (even if you have a doula, the staff will look to him for answers on questions or requests). You are going to be focused on what is going on with your body and you need to have someone that is 100% on the same page with you who can be your voice and make sure your wishes are being respected when you may not be able to.

Make sure HE understands why these things are important to you or remind him of why the two of you chose to have them in your birthplan to begin with. He will be playing an important role in the birth experience that the three of you will have. Perhaps knowing that will empower him and encourage him to be strong should the need arise with the hospital staff when the big moment is here.

Best of luck to you Mamma!!!!!!

 

[Carolinamidwife]

Sarah, where are you? Are you in NC? I might be able to help you out. PM me if you're in NC and need a midwife hook up.

ETA: It is NEVER too late to switch. Listen to your instincts, you will never regret following your heart but you may regret ignoring it.

 

[aisraeltax]

i switched only weeks prior to my delivery with ds3. its NEVER too late to switch (unless the baby's head is coming out!

).

re: the vax's, etc. there is a lot of information on why NOT to do those things over in the vax forum here. if you do a search, you will come up with alot of information but i think there is also a sticky there in the archives re: newborn testing, etc. the only thing we did was the PKU and hearing tests, and that was at 11 days after his birth.

do you know if there is a birthing center (free standing) near you? those are great...thats where i delivered the last time. i liked it alot b/c i didn't have to prepare anything at home, and was able to use their birthing pool and all the other contraptions too. and didnt have to worry about my dh.

but you really do need to have a heart to heart with your dh, as someone mentioned. regardless of who all you have at the birth, HE is going to be the one they ask when something goes wrong. and if he's not up to par, you are in trouble. let him know that under no circumstances, you want things YOUR way b/c well..its YOUR birth. yes, its his child but its YOUR birth. i used to say "we" are pregnant, but in all honesty, WE weren't..I was and it was MY birth and i had to control it (to the extent that i could).

good luck. im sure you will do fine.

but i wouldnt trust the OB you have, since you said he didn't even know what a "birth plan" was. he probably thought he had your "birth plan" all set!

 

[RosesToys]

Quote:

He had a very puzzled look on his face when he read I didn't want the cord clamped and cut until it stopped throbbing... and said "really?" when he read that I did not want my baby vaccinated, given the eye drops, or vitamin K shot. He would not even discuss these matters with me, and told me to go to the pediatrician to discuss these issues with him.

First of all, many OBs would have the same response when dealing with the vax, vit k, etc. It really isn't their job at that point. Their job is to help make sure that the baby arrives safely. After that the pediatrician takes over. So I don't see any problem with that. Your pediatrician is really who you need to discuss things like vaxing, vit k shot and all with.

You also need to make sure that your dh is on the same page as you are, as many other posters have mentioned. If you haven't included him in your research before now, it's time for a serious crash course for him. I strongly recommend hiring a doula at the least! If you find a midwife you are comfortable with, then switching your care provider might be better. Do be aware that not all midwives will be on the same page as you are though. Some are truly medwives. There is no sense switching if the care you get from them won't be any different!

Good luck. I switched from one OB to a more laid-back OB who is really receptive to natural birthing choices, even laboring in the water, when I was about 6-7 months pregnant. I helped convince a friend who was on the fence about switching that she should switch too. She thought it was too late to switch too, but she had a phenomenal labor where she only got out of the water to push!

I am so glad that I switched and I will definately be using the same great OB for my second babe who is due in November/December.

Don't worry too much. Thank goodness you brought this up with your OB now. Your babe is likely to be about a week late. Most first babies are. So you've probably got some time to find a doula or a midwife and get to know them a bit.

Good luck!

 

[SarahNC]

Thank you, everyone, for all of your support and responses!

I had a great talk with my DH last night & I think we are back on the same page. His main reason for wavering was apparantly when the doc was insisting I would need pitocin after the delivery, and I asked him how women did this before they birthed in hospitals and he replied with, "they died."

:

So my DH was just paranoid that I would be dying and refusing medical treatment. He was picturing me being whisked away unconscious and the docs asking him, "What do you want us to do?" I assured him if something was wrong that I would not lay there bleeding to death, but that I trusted the natural birth process in all its perfect splendor would work on its own.

Then my DH said he imagined my doc will examine me and tell me that I need the pitocin (I told him I would accept it if I HAD to have it) just so he can have peace of mind & not have to examine me anymore & can go on his merry way. That was when I realized he was right... and I don't want my doc and/or the nurses telling me certain procedures are medical necessities when indeed they are not. So... I am going to try to get hooked up with a midwife in my area. I have had so many people respond to me & help me on this board... it is amazing!

I am already in touch with a doula in my area who just had a baby so she can't help me, but she is getting me in touch with two midwives who both said they would be more than willing to work with me now. I am going to look into a birthing center because I don't think DH or the rest of my family (and maybe me a little bit, too) are ready for me to give birth at home.

So...I just wanted to update everyone and let you know how reassuring and helpful your advice is. Thanks again, and I'll keep you updated!

Sarah

 

[aisraeltax]

good for you. i sure MWs would be glad to help you. just try and make sure they arent "medwives". try posting in the Find Your Tribe for recommendations. i think a pp stated she was in the area.

this is the FIRST thing i learned on MDC. OBs are generally not very knowledgable about natural childbirth. they have an agenda (do this and do that) and as long as you go with it, you are fine. once you start questioning, they get really defensive. and yes, they WILL tell you something is "medically necessary" even if it is not...and if it results in a c/s', well, that is the safest way to have a child in a hospital (i truly believe that b/c thats what they are trained to do...they are like fish out of water when it comes to natural childbirth and many of the complications that can arise there). i know b/c twice they chose a c/s for me (oh wait, yes i consented after they told me that me and my baby would die). after the 3d, i realize that i could have had a natural birth with all of them. each of my labors were the same. was it easy? heck no! but it was safer for me and the babies.

good luck!