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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I need some words of wisdom. I've been through all of this before, but for some reason I am suddenly scared and very unsure tonight.<br><br>
My sons both have an appointment to meet with their new ped. tomorrow. I've met the doctor once, last week, and really liked her. In response to me saying we do not vax. anymore {well, not just that, I went in prepared for a fight and clearly stated <i>why</i>} she said, "Okay! Well it sounds like you've done the research and that is great." No pressure, no arguing. In fact, she seemed impressed that we had done the homework. She didn't bat half an eye at my almost two year old nursing {right in front of her even, so not as an abstract thing} and smiled when I said we homeschool. The doctor seems to be a good fit for us and she's really quite nice and pleasant to talk with, too.<br><br>
So I'm not worried about her. I don't know why I'm suddenly so scared and nervous about tomorrow.<br><br>
Our oldest has AS and ODD. We need a referral to a therapist. He hasn't been in therapy for ten months, not since we moved, and he desperately needs to get back in to that. He was doing weekly {when she bothered to show up ~ she was quite flaky} OT and it didn't do much for him then but I think that had a lot to do with how inconsistent it was. His meltdowns, his behavior... he's so hard for us to handle. He is spiralling rapidly out of any semblance of control and we're desperate to help him. He picks at his brother constantly, says a thousand times a day that he hates his brother, screams at his sisters, screams at us. He is such a night and day child; we never know from one minute to another whether Reasonable Nate is going to make an appearance or if Oppositional Nate is rearing his head. More often than not he's Oppositional Nate. For the past week we've hardly had any sight of Reasonable Nate.<br><br>
Our younger son needs to be referred for an eval. He has a TON of sensory sensitivities, both seeking and defensive. A whole lot of defensive, and it seems to be getting worse and worse by the day. He's at the point now where he will rarely consent to wearing a shirt indoors, pants slightly more often but still not even close to daily. It's a twenty minute fight to get him to put a shirt on to go out. He will not dress himself. He knows how to, but he won't do it ~ he cries that he can't. He's six. In fact, there is very little that he will do on his own. He wants us to do everything for him. There are very, very few foods that he will eat, and a billion other things simply too numerous to mention.<br><br>
Long story short we're pretty sure he has Asperger's, too. I will be very surprised if he isn't diagnosed with a sensory processing disorder. Anyway, they both need to be referred for therapy.<br><br>
I've been expecting and even looking forward to this appointment for a long time. We're so excited to be getting the referral. So why, why, why am I suddenly so scared and nervous about tomorrow?<br><br>
I know that part of it is that I'll have to discuss the boys' behaviors with the doctor and that the boys will both be in the room. I hate doing that. It feels so rude, for one, and reinforces the negativity for another, and it just seems like it would be so hurtful for a kid to hear his mother laying all of his worst behaviors out on the table for a virtual stranger, kwim? I hate doing that. That's part of it, but that's not all of it.<br><br>
Any last minute bits of advice, any suggestions for wording so that I don't get flustered and flub everything up with the doctor, ways to word what I want to say without painting a bleak picture of my sons would be appreciated.
 

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I try to bring another adult to appointments and have them take the child out of the room when I am talking about things I don't want the child to hear. Most doctors respect that. Very few don't understand.<br><br>
I will have my 9 year old sit outside on her own when I want to talk about her new cognitive issues. No child should know what a cognitive decline is or that her mommy and doctors are worried. Since it isn't ADD or behavioral she can sit on her own.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Yeah... definitely not an option for us. G would be tearing up and down the halls <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> He loves to run.<br><br>
Quickie update: They're both very healthy physically. The Dr wasn't too concerned about G's diet ~ she said that the foods he will eat are actually the average for children his age, unfortunately, and the fact that we offer such a wide variety is a good thing, even if he isn't eating them. He's in the 75% for weight and height, so his lack of food intake isn't making him lose weight anymore. She's referring us to a psychiatrist and an OT. I got through the talking as quickly as possible and apologized to the boys for talking about them while they were there. Nate wasn't thrilled about it, but Gunner didn't even notice.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Liba613</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8974758"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I try to bring another adult to appointments and have them take the child out of the room when I am talking about things I don't want the child to hear. Most doctors respect that. Very few don't understand.<br><br>
I will have my 9 year old sit outside on her own when I want to talk about her new cognitive issues. No child should know what a cognitive decline is or that her mommy and doctors are worried. Since it isn't ADD or behavioral she can sit on her own.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"></div>
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That is such great advice. I am going to really try and do that. I was so upset with our EI coordinator said in front of DD that she was "Mentally Retarded", I ripped her a new one over the phone the next day and she apologized. I don't think kids should hear that either.<br><br>
To the OP, I write down everything I want to ask or say to the Dr. or I almost always get flustered. I feel like that no matter what, every evaluation, every Dr. appointment.<br><br>
When we first met with DD's new Ped. DD was WILD, flipping herself out of my arms, crying, and he didn't bat an eye. A good Ped. will be O.K. with your child regardless of how he behaves. I hope "Reasonable Nate" shows up soon!
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Nate is actually having a fairly good day today. He was great for the half of the dr's appt that focused on him. The nurse met my daughters last week and my sons this week and as we were walking back to the room she said, "Wow, your kids behave so well! They're so polite and sweet!"<br><br>
I wish that my first response to that wasn't to look around to see who she was talking to. They were behaving wonderfully though. They have some great times, when you could spend an hour with Nate and not realize there is anything non-typical about him and some times where normally patient people are glaring at me within seconds of us walking into the room. Reasonable Nate was fully in attendance for his half of the appt. Both the doctor and I praised him for his behavior and thanked him for being patient.<br><br>
Then Gunner's half of the appt. started and Nate began to fall apart a bit. He was picking at his brother, interupting, pretending to punch and choke his brother. He HAS to have the attention on him at all times. We did make it through the appt. though. As soon as we were done I took them outside to run in the grass and shake off some of the energy.<br><br>
As soon as we got in to the car, Reasonable Nate went away. The car is always our most challenging time though. We had planned to take the kids out to lunch, but within minutes it became clear that we just couldn't, Nate couldn't handle more time in public. Of course, he doesn't connect the way he behaves with things that happen. He asked what he could do to 'earn back' going out to lunch and we said that it wasn't a punishment, we just needed to know he was able to handle the added stress. He said he could, but seconds later he was shrieking and poking his sister again.<br><br>
We hurried through our errands, brought the kids home and made lunch and he was calm again after eating. But then the pool at our apt. was closed for cleaning and that threw him for a loop again. He hates when things aren't within his control and when his expectation for the day {whether reasonable or not} has to be changed at all.<br><br>
I'm just rambling now. Anyway, the boys are healthy. We should have the referral info in a few weeks at the most.
 
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