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I don't know if I have anything helpful to tell you, but I'm right there with ya. I sometimes wonder if I might do better if I had a partner and some relief. I dunno. I do find that talking to my dd about what the problem is and asking her to help me come up with a solution is helpful. We've had family meetings. There was an article in Mothering a couple issues ago about having family meetings that was very good. Also Mazlish and Farber (not sure I am spelling those correctly) have a couple books that are very helpful. The one I use ideas from is "How To Talk so Kids Will Listen, and Listen so Kids Will Talk." I haven't read it yet, but plan to, and lots of people on here have recommended it, "Kids Are Worth It" by Barbara Coloroso. Also, I took a Love and Logic class which was a tremendous help. It was all about not trying to control everything and putting the responsibility on your kids and not trying to make their problems your problems. Stuff like getting ready for school on time, picking up their things, going to bed, etc.

I still lose it and scream sometimes, and rarely swat her behind or threaten to, but I am slowly getting better. I talk to her about my shortcomings and how those things are wrong, but that I am human, make mistakes, keep trying to do better, and sometimes I just don't know what else to do. She told me tonight that I am good mom even though I yell at her sometimes and sometimes spank her, but she knows I am just trying to help her grow up. She had a little quiver in her voice and was close to tears. I feel so sad that I have shortchanged her in this way, but we are learning together, she and I, and I can only keep trying to do better. I am having to relearn everything since I was parented differently.

Good luck to you!
 
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