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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
by their child, that is?

Hope it's ok for me to ask this here - dd is just about to turn one, but this seems like more of a 'toddler' thing, kwim?

Now don't get me wrong. I adore my feisty, independent, confident, capable happy little girl, but sometimes I feel, well frankly, sad. She doesn't like to be kissed or cuddled - when I am nursing her she will actually move my hands so that they are not touching or resting on her. She's quite happy to play physical games, and for me to tickle her toes, but as for the sappy stuff....NO WAY!

I realise that this is probably just down to individual differences, but still I wonder if I am doing something wrong....any other mamas been/going through this? Is this something that will change as she gets older? FWIW, she is the same with her papa as me....maybe she is just really secure?

I miss my snuggly baby sometimes
 

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I think it really is about personalities and phases, so I wouldn't worry too much about it, although I know what you mean about feeling rejected.

I BF DS until he self-weaned at 14 months (I would have kept going!)...the entire time he nursed, it never felt like the magical, bonding, love fest that so many other women described (which often made me sad/jealous). DS was pretty much all business while nursing, and when he was done, he was done, didn't want to snuggle after, etc. He stopped falling asleep nursing at about 7 or 8 months, though I would then rock him to sleep; he didn't comfort nurse much after about 9 or 10 months old, either.

This is despite me wearing/holding him a great deal of the time in his early months, even while working; him napping only on me/on my lap until he was 13 months old; and cosleeping with us still. He does love his tickles and "hugs on the run", and does give hugs and kisses freely when *he* wants to (which DH and I relish!), but he's not nearly as cuddly as I would *expect* for all the touching, holding, and cuddling he got in his early months....

However - he is a happy, well adjusted, loveable boy who is outgoing with nearly everyone he meets (has yet to have stranger anxiety), and is independent beyond what other mammas have related to me about their children (he plays happily on his own with books and toys for up to 45 minutes at a time, just occasionally stopping by to "connect" with me to read a book, or show me a toy).

Soooo, I guess what I'm trying to say is that you just keep loving her and snuggling and kissing and hugging, and tickling, etc. etc., and she'll likely go through "lovey" phases where she's more into you, and not so lovey phases where she's not. That's what DS does - sometimes he's huggy, sometimes he's not.

Sorry this was so long...I tend to ramble...
 

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You know, it must be a phase because DS did the same thing around 12 months. I just noticed at 2 yrs old how he loves his kisses and hugs and how he actually ASKS to get kisses. When I BF he did the same around 12 months didn't want hugs or barely to touch while BF. Now at 2 he loves it!! I sing a song that has hugs and kisses and he askes for me to sing "again".

So, hang in there.
 

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My DD is just the same way. She still nurses at almost 2, and was ebf, worn in a sling, etc....and yet until about a month ago she was the least snuggly and affectionate child I had ever known. It was so bad that DH was concerned she didn't love us. Being closer to her, I knew what her "love" signs were and could reassure him. But he had a very tough time (he is a big touchy feely guy) understanding that she was different.

Now she runs to give us hugs, loves kisses, and is such a snuggly daddy;s girl that it is beautiful to see. But it just started being that way. She still will not go to a stranger, and is very reserved even with family she sees often.

I think some kids are just wired this way. My feeling was that she got so much comfort and attention from nursing and being held all the time (she was very high needs and would cry if I put her down even for a second) that she was getting her snuggle time fulfilled enough for her.

I'm sure your dd shows her affection in smaller, quieter ways that you notice. As she gts older they will prolly become more apparent and more the "norm". At 1 my dd was at the height of un-affectionate and now at close to 2 she is very affectionate with those she is closest too.....

Good luck! And like the previous poster said just keep doing what you are doing and give her love and kisses. Before you know it she will be returning them happily.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Wow! Thanks so much for the replies - I'm very relieved to find that I'm not the only one...

The more I think about it (when I'm not tired and blue) the more dd is actually like her daddy and me; we're both really affectionate, but also need quite a high level of personal space and down time. She is really easily overstimulated, and actually seems to prefer playing on the floor by herself...She was also def. a high needs baby - and I think you're right, she was prolly getting her 'physical contact' needs met just by having to be held all of the time.

Ah well.....it's just so neat to see *huge* personality in a small package. I'll just keep offering and we'll see how different things are in 6 months
 

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My DD is exactly like this, although I have found that since she weaned at 13 months (long story) she has become quite a bit more affectionate. All the same, she has been like this since she was born. She actually refused to sleep on us as a newborn. I have definitely had times when I felt sad and rejected by my unsnuggly kid...BUT is just seems to be her personality. On the flip side, she is incredibly friendly and outgoing, has never had stranger anxiety, and has very little separation anxiety either. It just seems to be the way she's made. (I must confess that I am hoping my next one is a snuggler, though!)
 
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