Mothering Forum banner
1 - 20 of 54 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
17 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I just want to get other people's perspectives on this. My mom said to me "now that you are a house wife, you should have meals on the table every night". I proceeded to ask her the about the last ceramic tile job she did or the last time she took the car in for an oil change (all things that I do in our household that she has never attempted).

I really resented the "House wife" label she gave me, maybe it was the way it was used. I consider myself SAHM, NOT a house wife!

What do you think? Is it just me? Am I over-reacting? Does it bug anyone else?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,341 Posts
that would bug me to no end.
: i'm married to my dh not my house. i think it would upset my dh too if i cooked dinner every night, he wants to cook sometimes as well. that's really frustrating.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,798 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by gr8tmama View Post
I just want to get other people's perspectives on this. My mom said to me "now that you are a house wife, you should have meals on the table every night". I proceeded to ask her the about the last ceramic tile job she did or the last time she took the car in for an oil change (all things that I do in our household that she has never attempted).

I really resented the "House wife" label she gave me, maybe it was the way it was used. I consider myself SAHM, NOT a house wife!

What do you think? Is it just me? Am I over-reacting? Does it bug anyone else?
I would have had the same reaction as you!


I hate the label housewife. Despise it. I am not sure it's always intended to be dismissive and denigrating, but it sure seems that way to me, for some reason.

It may be fine for some, but I prefer stay at home mom. SAHM makes me feel warm and confident in my decision. But, then I'm a Ms. type person not a Mrs.

I worked before I kids and I'll work when they're ready for me to work again. I didn't stay home until I had kids, and I wouldn't have felt right about it, unless there was some compelling reason (sickness or something).

But, to each their own.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
78 Posts
It only bugs me when it's used like that. Like last week when I was on the phone with QWest & he wanted to know what I did. I said I'm a mom & a student and he says "Oh, you're just a housewife?"

I mean really JUST a housewife? RUDE.

This is my take. I'm a mom AND a housewife. They are separate things & they come with separate things and have different responsibilities.

For instance, being a mom doesn't mean that I'm the one who does the dishes. What does being a woman have to do with the dishes?

DH works full-time, I'm a mom full-time, & we share all those "housewife" responsibilities.

Gosh. I guess I do hate the term
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,798 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by Momma_Camille View Post
It only bugs me when it's used like that. Like last week when I was on the phone with QWest & he wanted to know what I did. I said I'm a mom & a student and he says "Oh, you're just a housewife?"

I mean really JUST a housewife? RUDE.

This is my take. I'm a mom AND a housewife. They are separate things & they come with separate things and have different responsibilities.

For instance, being a mom doesn't mean that I'm the one who does the dishes. What does being a woman have to do with the dishes?

DH works full-time, I'm a mom full-time, & we share all those "housewife" responsibilities.

Gosh. I guess I do hate the term

Yes, what you said!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,029 Posts
Oh, I hate that! "Housewife" sounds a little too much like "housekeeper" to me. I do some of what needs to be done around here, but we ALL live here, so we ALL contribute to making it a pleasant place to be.

Some days I think I might like a housewife though. How great would it be to come home from a playdate, the pediatrician, errands and the grocery store (all with kids in tow) and have your house sparkling and a perfectly prepared meal waiting on the table? I haven't figured out how to make that happen though...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
521 Posts
I hate that word too. DH once made the mistake of referring to me as a 'housewife' and I corrected him in a hurry. I am not married to the house, and cleaning the house is not just my responsibility, though of course I do most of the housework since he does work fulltime. Raising my son is my job, not cleaning and cooking.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
17 Posts
Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Hilarious!!! I'm not sure where I've been all this time but I've never heard anyone say "I'm not married to the house, I'm married to DH".

I'm definately going to put that one in my back pocket for the next time she calls me that.

I also feel it's demeaning, I wanted to make sure I wasn't the only one.

I'm also the Ms. type, everytime someone calls me Mrs. xxx I tell them that's not my name, that is my MIL's name.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,136 Posts
yep, it's offensive to me too. like my duty is to keep the house all sparkly and cozy for my HUSBAND, like it's all about him, and i'm just a pretty plaything waiting meekly at home to gain his favor....umm no.

it also implies that raising children is a cake-job.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
718 Posts
I don't really mind it for the most part. Besides on some forms that need occupation and I have to put "homemaker", it's never come up anyway. I think I'm just really laid back anyway.

I refer to myself as "CinCHouse" ('Commander in Chief of the house' pronouced 'sink-house' for you non military people
) And I tell Dh all the time I outrank him.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,376 Posts
and if I were, it would have divorced me by now


Seriously, I consider myself a SAHM first and foremost. I may or may not take on more "house" duties depending on how our schedules work but that depends on a lot of variables.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,832 Posts
I really dont. My job is to run the household... be a mother, and homeschool.
I willingly do the chores, and dont ask dh to do anything, when he is not working, I want him to spend time with the dc. He works very hard...and I get aggravated when he does clean because I have my routine and my way of doing things.


Im also noticing lately, especially after reading lots of threads on here....that Im very hard to offend. If I didnt like the term housewife, and my mom referred to me as one, Id just shrug it off....after all, she is from a different generation, and things were done differently. No big deal.

Though, I will say, I prefer the term homemaker, because what I am making is a home...a place that nourishes, refreshes, and hopefully will bring fond memories.

And i should also add...that I love being called Mrs. ____ I even love how my mom addresses letters to me as Mrs. husbands first and last name. But, I have a big soft spot for tradition.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,629 Posts
I prefer stay-at-home mom or homemaker, but housewife wouldn't bother me too much unless it was meant to be demeaning. When I was not doing well in math in highschool my mom said "Well you better get used to scrubbing toilets because you will never be more than a housewife." Yes, my own mother said that to me. The thing is, I choose to stay home and I am proud of it, but it is still hurtful for people to say things like that.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
23 Posts
So far I've just told people I'm on an extended maternity leave (I can imagine saying that 5 years from now too). I'm pleased to be a SAHM, but I don't want to be defined by the "staying at home" part.

I don't get easily offended - so I don't really care what people call what I do. I'll be the first to admit that I spent too many childless years being defined by my career.

I think I need to come up with a custom title, some way to respond to people who say "oh, so you don't work?" Maybe "My career/calling is homebased right now."

So far I've only gotten extremely positive feedback when I tell people I'm home with my baby. Usually "oh, what a blessing," or "I am so glad to see a family that made the choice to sacrifice for the wellbeing of all."

I do occasionally get the "oh, you're so lucky," (which I am), but then I remind people that it's not really luck when we made a conscious choice to cut our lifestyle and budget by $50k per year in order to have me home with baby.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,348 Posts
It doesn't bother me, but I do prefer homemaker and refer to myself most often as a SAHM. Housewife sounds so 1950s.

It would bother me if someone were to use it in a degrading way, such as "you're JUST a housewife," but that would be true with the others as well...
 
1 - 20 of 54 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top