does anyone have experience with young toddlers and stress?

520 Views 8 Replies 8 Participants Last post by TurboClaudia, Apr 10, 2006

thorn

Discussion Starter · Apr 10, 2006

When my dd was 9 months old, she and I went up to Detroit because my mom was dying. The doctors thought she only had about a week to live, but it ended up taking a lot more time. We spent three months up there as my mom's body slowly failed.

During that time, my husband was still here in Atlanta. He did come up for a few weekends, and we were able to come home twice for a few days. Most of the time though it was just me and my daughter, and I was taking her to the nursing home each day, to the hospital a few times. We were living in my mom's condo while cleaning out all of her things.

Obviously I was under immense stress at the time. Catie was also sick with colds twice while we were there, and had to go to the ER once for eating a pill off the floor at the nursing home and have charcoal pumped into her stomach, IV put in, etc.

I have been trying to look up stress in infants/toddlers and how it might affect them but I can't really find very much about it. Before the time we spent there, Catie was meeting all of the developmental milestones at the early/normal range. While we were there, she really did not seem to be gaining new skills, or even gaining weight. Since being home (4 months now) she has definitely started progressing again - but she is now more along the later part of normal or even behind for her age.

It makes sense to me that this would have been a huge traumatic experience for her. I try to imagine how her young mind would have viewed what was going on. Mom is still here, but we are not home. Where is daddy? Where are my toys? Would she have thought that we moved, divorced? (how much of that would a 9 month old understand anyway?)

My ped is concerned because she has no words yet at 16.5 months. Reading the developmental checklists, I see that she is a little behind in language, but in my gut I feel like she was 'paused' while we were in Detroit and that she is within the normal language ranges if I look at the checklist for a 3 month younger baby. She babbles constantly - consonants and vowels, different volumes, inflections, etc. She points and waves and reaches out for things that she wants. She understands simple commands like "give that to mommy" or "come over here". But she doesn't have any real words yet, even mama or daddy.

Has anyone had any similar experiences? Thoughts about how a stress like this could affect a child? My friends tell me not to "make myself" feel guilty for this - which I am totally not trying to do. I am just wondering if it is possible that stress has delayed her or if I should be more concerned that she has some kind of learning delay that is affecting her speech.

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faithnj

· #2 · Apr 10, 2006

I don't have any insight for you. But since you're wondering, contact Early Intervention through your ped or on your own now. It takes a while for them to do an evaluation (free) and start up a work with you (cheap.) But I did it when I thought my DD was behind at four months of age. They started working with her at six months, and it was totally worth it. Turned out she was just fine, and she ended up ahead of the developmental scheds. But I got the chance to be proactive, I got some peace of mind, and I learned some cool exercises and things about working with a baby. Even if your baby is just fine, I don't think you can really lose if you apply now.

Faith

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leafwood

· #3 · Apr 10, 2006

I think it's a great idea to look into early intervention. Your pediatrician can refer you, or you could do it yourself through the local Department of Health. I work in the field of early childhood and the fact that your daughter has some sort of functional communication (pointing, gesturing) is very reassuring. You are likely correct that the months away represent a pause in her development as she was out of her routine and likely not involved in many infant-learning focused activities (and it sounds like you had your hands and mind full just getting through each day!). Hopefully an EI evaluation will be helpful and the services a free, so it can't hurt!

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2Sweeties1Angel

· #4 · Apr 10, 2006

Emotional stress has had lasting effects on my son. He's 5 now and has a short temper, cries easily, is clingly, and has a deep fear of abandonment. He always hit his milestones early or on time, but emotionally he's a wreck a lot. I don't believe in taking children to psychologists because they always rush to medicate before trying anything else, so I've just been offering reassurance and trying to make him feel safe and loved. If he'd had any developmental delays from it, I probably would have taken him for an EI evaluation.

What happened to him? His twin died right before they turned 3 months old and the State took him away from me. He was in foster care with strangers for 3 days until my lawyer forced them to move him in with my grandparents (they were licensed for daycare and had already been through all the required background checks). He stayed there until he was 10 months old, then I was able to get him moved to my parents who live next door. He came back to live with me full-time when he was 3. Child Protective Services my ass--more like Child Hurting Services.

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nancyw

· #5 · Apr 10, 2006

Im an early interventionist and would also echo those who have suggested an eval, 'just to be on the safe side'.....but Id like to say also that the stress and trauma can ABSOLUTELY have played a big part in all of this.

In fact, these things really stand out in my mind--

1--your DD really does seem to have all the good 'precursors' to the next developmental steps such as in language, and seems to be continuing to 'move along'

2---your own wisdom about this really shines through in your post, and I trust it. (It seems like you do too,....seems like you know your DD so well, and really understand how things have impacted her.)

Perhaps (whether you do an eval or not) getting back to some wonderful cozy routines, and spending some extra child-guided loving attention and time together would be the cushion she needs to be on her developmental way.

extreme or longlasting stresses, or trauma of any kind, (illness, hospitalizations, divorce, separation, etc....) can very much cause developmental set backs for children. development is vulnerable. and even a child as young as your DD was at the time will 'self protect' by holding back temporarily when faced with stressors and difficulties.
(think of a child learning to use the potty, then suddenly there is a divorce or separation of some kind.....of course you might expect the whole toiletting thing would be put 'on hold' by the child...seems natural, right?) ....its not really all that different with other aspects of development, either.
your instincts seem RIGHT ON TARGET to me. again, might be good to go for an eval just to be sure, but routines, lots of cuddling and 'safe' feeling time together, (maybe you even have some pictures of her during that time that you could look at together and talk about in simple terms. just a thought,...dont know if youd feel that would work or be appropriate...) ....these are the things that I would think would help the most, assuming there really isnt any other real reasons for the 'delay' going on.

doesnt sound like you would be taking on guilt about this, thank goodness. life will always be full of stressors for us and our dear little ones. the key is how did we handle it at the time, and, if we were unfortunately 'unavailable' to handle it our best at the time, how can we help to 'destress' and build that safe cushion again afterward, so we can all move on.

the best to you, mama. you sound very in tune with your dear little one. hope all goes well for you.

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thorn

Discussion Starter · #6 · Apr 10, 2006

thank you nancy! that is just the info I was looking for. maybe I just wasn't googling the right thing but I just couldn't find anything to 'back up' what I was feeling.

I will definitely take her for an eval if her ped feels it is a good idea. Nothing to lose, right? But my mama-instinct says she is going to be just fine.

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Diane B

· #7 · Apr 10, 2006

Yes, young children feel and respond to stress. We adopted our daughter at 6 months, and that was a lot of loss for a little one to go through. Her eating, sleeping and development were all impacted. Fortunately, children are also incredibly resilient and you can take comfort in that. If you're concerned about her development, there's no harm in getting it checked out, but it sounds like you're doing all the right things.

We took our daughter in for cranial-sacral therapy, which is an extremely gentle form of body work that is very good at releasing emotional trauma. Look for a certified therapist that has specialized training to work with children. I can't recommend this enough - it was so helpful to our daughter.

Best wishes -

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Oh the Irony

· #8 · Apr 10, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by Diane B

We took our daughter in for cranial-sacral therapy, which is an extremely gentle form of body work that is very good at releasing emotional trauma. Look for a certified therapist that has specialized training to work with children. I can't recommend this enough - it was so helpful to our daughter.

Best wishes -

that's exactly what i was going to recommend. i would also do some massage at home.

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TurboClaudia

· #9 · Apr 10, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by Diane B
We took our daughter in for cranial-sacral therapy, which is an extremely gentle form of body work that is very good at releasing emotional trauma. Look for a certified therapist that has specialized training to work with children. I can't recommend this enough - it was so helpful to our daughter.

I was going to suggest this, too!

sending you peace and healing, mama... your instincts do sound right on with this situation...

~claudia

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