[Attila the Honey]

Ok, I am back seeking positivity on tearing during childbirth AGAIN. A few months ago MIL freaked me out with stories about how I'd tear or be cut, so I cried to the midwife and she eased my fears. She told me that they'd use different positions, compresses, massage and slow pushing to avoid it. Doula said the same thing, and both told me that episiotomies are only done in emergency situations and tears aren't common in the births they attend. Ohew. I felt alot better.

Then today I was (stupidly?) telling my friend about perineal massage and she said, "Oh, that sounds so dumb - stop worrying about it, EVERYONE tears.: She went on to tell me she doesn't know a single person that didn't tear with baby #1. I told her about my talks with doula and midwife and she just sorta laughed and acted like I was being deluded. She said, "Really, everyone tears but it's no big deal. You won't even care."

I think I will!

Is there anyone in here that can back up my midwife's assertion that not EVERYONE tears at a first birth?

 

[Spark]

My first birth my son was posterior. He never turned. I pushed him out posterior. His hand/arm was beside his head, too. He wasn't a huge baby, but not a small one either. He was a little over 7#. Not only did I not tear, I didn't even have a skid mark. I never had to use the irrigation bottle when I peed, because it didn't sting.

I did PM (although a lot of people don't think it's needed to avoid tearing), I labored how I wanted too (moving), I pushed him out how I wanted to (modified squat), and I pushed only when I felt like it (not to a count of ten till I was purple in the face).

Just here to say, 1st time mamas don't have to tear. I didn't. You don't have to either!

 

[Beth-TX]

No, it's not true that "all women tear", although it's probably true that *most* women who birth in a hospital with an OB do. If you are allowed to labor and push the way your body tells you, you will be much less likely to tear.

peace, Beth

 

[mamaduck]

I was cut the first time, but I didn't want to be and still don't think I needed to be.

I did not tear with the second baby, in spite of the scar tissue from baby #1, in spite of the fact that I was sewn up "too tight" by the first doctor, and in spite of the fat that baby #2 was bigger. I was not cut either. I had teeny almost unnoticeable "skid marks" that were an absolute breeze compared to healing from an episiotomy.

 

[Carolinamidwife]

No way, not women who birth with a midwife at least. In 2 years of attending births I have seen some tears but only one that required suturing. Most of our clients don't tear at all and if they do it is just a skid mark. A skid mark is nothing to fear.

IMO the best ways to prevent tears are: Good diet, slow crowning stage, and no excessive midwife fiddling with the perineum. That means no stretching or ironing during 2nd stage, maybe a little oil or a warm compress but that's it. If you can keep your own hand on the baby's head as it crowns and that will help you control your force.

I'm due in December and I'm worried about it too, I know I need to let go before my labor!

Amy

 

[USAmma]

I would not have torn for my dd's birth according to my doctor. I had to be cut because her heartrate dropped to 60 and stayed there for several minutes, so it was an emergency. I did perineal massage at home in the weeks leading up to the birth and my doctor did it during the birth with oil and warm cloths.

My doctor is more of the "natural" type (as his his partner who attended dd's birth) and will not take interventions unless absolutely necessary. He will try natural things first.

Darshani

 

[Imonion2]

No tearing with my second. I had an episiotomy with my first, too. (This was with an OB delivering, too!)

 

[CherylE]

I had natural births for my 1st and 2nd and I did not tear at all with either of them. We did Perineal massage both times and I did stay at home for most of the labour before going to the hospital. Both my labours were 36 hours long from the time contractions became regular and painful - (11 hours and 6 hours in the hospital - so that's what's on my charts as my labour time ) but I waited until the contractions really, really close together to go in to avoid being giving stuff to speed labour up or other interventions. My doctor also used warms cloths on the perineum during the pusing stage to help things stretch out without tearing. She's really more like a midwife than a doctor - at least that was my mom's comment and she's a nurse - plus had 5 hospital delieveries with OB's.

 

[bebe luna]

I did not tear. Ds was also a fairly large baby (9#'s) and he was posterior...
My labor went so quick (active labor including pushing was 29 minutes) but still no tearing.
I did labor & deliver him in a birthing tub which I believe helped to prevent tearing (warm awter loosens the muscles and skin).

 

[SandyBeachBums]

I've had three births with the last two being pretty intense. I didn't tear at all =) I had midwives for two of those and the ER with the middle child. I was pushing really, really hard with this last baby. I'm not sure what was going on but I felt like an animal...lol. I think it's because I had my water broken..anyway....I think having a midwife really does keep your chances of tearing down. I think massage wouldn't hurt at all. And, if your friends are negative about births than don't discuss it with them. Be positive! I think that is the most important thing for me. I've been very positive with my births. They have all been great and I owe it to my attitude.

Good Luck

 

[Greaseball]

My first birth was posterior. She was pulled out with forceps while I was in stirrups (and no episiotomy) and was pulled out without being turned, and still I didn't tear!

I would much rather tear than have an epis. Fear of tearing would not stop me from giving birth at home.

 

[BusyMommy]

Didn't tear at all. Had a couple of skid marks w/#1--9# and posterior. Nothing w/#2--10# and had his shoulder stuck. Never did the perineal massage. Had really hard and long pushing BUT, I had a waterbirth both times. Best thing in the whole world

Good luck!

 

[Jish]

I've had both a 4th degree tear (through the rectum) and a third degree tear (up to the rectum but not through.) While not pleasant, neither was a big deal. I am relatively small but have a large pelvis so getting my 9# babies through my pelvis isn't a problem, the problem arises when they reach my perinium. They have 100% heads that don't cone. I wish I could have a cone head. My kids come out looking like c-section births.

: I don't give myself much hope of not tearing again with this one, but I'm really not too worried. I will have the no episiotomy request put in my birth plan again, but it is an area I'm willing to compromise in.

However, I personally know many women who have never had a tear -- one has three children all 11# or more at birth.

 

[mamaroni]

No tears here either, and both babes were just a few ounces shy of 9#. I did not do perineal massage, but my midwife did use warm oil and hot compresses. and I pushed as my body told me--pretty slowly and very controlled. . .nice and easy. . . .

 

[Eman'smom]

I didn't tear at all with number 1, listen to your body about when to push and when not too. Don't listen to people trying to scare you about birth.

 

[StarMama]

I was really worried about tearing. My midwives said that massage didn't do anything, so we didn't do that... but I ended up delivering in the hospital, flat on my back (even after I told them I didn't want to be that way, I was so drugged up they just flipped me how they wanted regardless

) instead of at home.

Orion came *flying* out... Went from barely seeing the tip of his head when I was pushing and not seeing anything when I wasn't to completely born in 3 "pushes" (I say "pushes" because I was puking, not pushing :LOL). His shoulders didn't even turn to deliver! All I ended up with was a tiny internal tear (two stiches). It didn't burn to pee. I still used the peri bottle because I was swollen, but I didn't have to use it to keep the sting away.

This was my first baby. And I'm sure that I could have not ripped at all if he hadn't come so quickly. I had NO tearing on my perinium at all even with no time at all for it to stretch. So of course you don't *have* to tear!

 

[Irishmommy]

I've had two births and didn't tear either time. The massage works, and since you have a midwife, she is way more likely to take her (and your) time, so that also reduces the chances. Don't worry about it, you seem to have great support.

 

[guestmama9906]

Hi, I didn't tear with my first baby. I thought I was going to tear with my second, b/c he was 2 pounds bigger than his sister, but I didn't, mainly b/c of soaking in a tub for 2 hours. I swear that's the reason I didn't tear. Plan on doing the same thing again this time.

 

[seven_lux]

I'm 19, just had my first baby a few weeks ago, 6lbs 2oz...
I did no kegals or perenial massage, basically the only prep I did for my birth was mental, my pushing stage lasted about 20 minutes and I did not tear at all.

During my pregnancy my mother had a few negative things to say about childbirth and "what it would be like for me"....but these were all things relating to her own negative experiences while birthing my siblings and I, and procedures and things were different back then. I did tell her a few times to not be so negative, and remind her that her experience would not be my experience.
For instance, with me, she was made to labour and deliver on her back, plus she had an epidural. I intended to, and did have a non-medicated birth in hospital attended ONLY by midwives and absolutely did not intend of delivering on my back, I did ended up delivering kneeling, hugging/hanging off the bed head. I definitely give a lot of credit for not tearing to my position!!

My mum was there for my daughters birth, and she's so proud of what I did and how I did it. I'm sure it was healing for her in some regards.

So just tell negative nancy's to keep it to themselves, and remember that your experience will be your own and no-one elses.

And anyways....I don't think many people who tear actually TEAR in the way you can tear a piece of paper, if you know what I mean. You have to get these things in proportion, and think positively. I know so many things seemed so huge & scary for me to think about while pregnant, and in reality, almost none of these things I had worried about affected me, especially not in the way I had it pictured in my head.

Also, remembering what pamamidwife likes to say to women who are doubting themselves, things like how we women are made to birth, and we're perfect baby machines (those ones arent her words) and we can do it!....really helped me when my time came.

 

[tabitha]

i have only birthed one 8#10oz boy, but no tears, no marks nothing. I too was really afraid of an episiotomy or bad tearing. I gave birth in a squatting position without drugs in a hospital.

Its hard to describe, but after the intensity of my labor, the feeling of being out of control, i was very aware during pushing. I was able to remember not be loose down there and imagine myself becoming open for the baby. I also kept my hand there the whole time, I felt it all happen inside and out.

We used some plain grapeseed oil at the end. I dont know if it helped or not. I pushed for 45 minutes and out he came! Not a bit of cone head, though i dont know why.

good luck to you! it will all be well. and luckily you will come out on the other side of the journey as many of the moms here have- with a wonderful memory and a deep desire to re experience the magic of your birth.

tabitha