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i mean people you don't know just walking down the street. let me explain: today dd and i go out to do errrands and we're coming out of walgreens. this man walks by and starts to caress her cheek. he seemed normal and fine but i'm finding myself icreasingly bothered by this. so i say to him "please don't touch her" he seemed really taken back and asks me "what are you crazy'' I say "i'm not crazy but i just prefer her not to be touched by people that i don't know and i know you wouldn't do that to an adult" . and he says " you ARE crazy" i say '' it is just a matter of respect for children" he starts to walk away and says '' you should respect yourself and lose some weight''
 

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You bet it bothers me. I know *most* people are probably innocent (if clueless), but by allowing a stranger to touch your child, I think you model inapproriate boundaries for your child, which may leave them vulnerable to abuse. Hurrah to you for sticking up for your dd. It's very hard for me to say something, I was raised in an era and area where it was important to not make a fuss and my heart pounds when I have to.<br>
That guy was the "crazy" one.
 

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i wish I could figure out a way to tell people this that isn't rude. I know that their intentions are good and friendly. Mostly I just let it go unless I can see that DD really isn't wanting to be touched. Then again, she's usually in my arms so it doesn't happen to us very often.
 

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When ever this comes up for me (fortunately it's not very often) I always tell the people appraoching that it is up to my son if they can touch him or not. As he is 15 months and has the standard toddler shyness so he usually chooses to keep new commers at a distance.<br>
I feel that by letting him choose he is able to develop his own sense about how he wants to interact with people, and it also gives me an out without comming off as "paranoid".
 

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Yes, sometimes. People always stop and run their fingers through my kids curls and for some reason it drives me nuts! MY 2 year old will pull away from them but that's not enough to give them teh hint. OR rubbing my baby's cheecks bothers me.<br>
I"ve noticed it depends on teh person and the way they look and if where in a conversation. It doesn't really bother me then. But alot of times we get a dirty looking stranger just walking by saying "oh look at their hair" or "look at the baby" touch them and keep going annoys me. Does that make sense?
 

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I am all in a tizzy to find the perfect newborn sling for this very reason, my BIL is getting married 6 weeks after this baby is due, and it's going to be a good sized wedding, and I have found that people are less likely to try to touch the baby if they have to get past my breasts to do it <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
Also, my 2 (on the outside<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"> ) are toddlers, and since I'm pregnant they walk everywhere holding my hands, and if someone approaches them, they back up on their own, and usually hide behind my legs, to which I rub their head, and say, "it's ok to be scared of someone new, they won't touch you", that gets the point across. The only time I have ever had problems with it is when I am carrying one in my arms, then they are right at adult level, and people are more likely to try to touch them, to which I normally pull back myself.<br><br>
You are not crazy!
 

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This drives me nuts too. most people are just excited to see my little cutie-pie, but i was raped as a child and i want my own kids to know that strangers have no right to touch them or pet their hair. people used to come up to me and play with my hair as a child, and it always creeped me out but my mom never said anything to them. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
it seems to me that it's mostly people without little kids or men with pregnant wives who want to touch my little man. most people blush and stammer apologies when i tell them not too touch him, but i have the perfect answer for those who don't. i point in the direction of the nearest shopping center and say "hey, they sell dolls over there!" that usually gets the point across to even the rudest people.
 

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I think most people aren't even aware that they're stepping over boundaries (parents can send mixed signals - we like the attention our children get, but then we only like it when we like it) and being rude just puts them on the defensive. My basic policy in life is just be honest, say what you mean. I started using this approach back when I used to baby sit and it still works now - I just say, "Thank you for the compliments, but I'm trying to teach her (er, or him as your case may be) that it's not ok to let people you don't know (because people get offended by the word "stranger") touch you. You know how it is, can't be too careful. Thanks for understanding." Smile as if you find the situation just as akward as you know they do. Sure, you would be fully justified if you got snippy or rude, but why put someone on the defensive when you can possibly teach a lesson to an adult (it is not ok to touch children you don't know, parents aren't crazy, we're just doing what we have to do) and reinforce a valuable lesson for your child?<br><br>
I really REALLY don't like to reinforce the idea that it's ok for people to touch you as long as they're polite or that people can force you to be affectionate (you know, the ol' Kiss Miss Lady You Don't Know Who Is Mommy's Good Friend goodbye routein) so I try to work this in as smoothly as possible. I don't even believe in forcing kisses to/from grandparents. It is NOT ok for someone to MAKE anyone else kiss/hug/touch/whatever.
 

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What bothers me is that no one asks dd. If they are so "polite" as to ask, they ask me or dh, but not the one that will really be affected by it.<br><br>
I think even if it's "just a baby" that baby should be asked.<br><br>
If parents are too shy to tell strangers "no" they can always blame "the doctor" as in:<br><br>
Q: Can I hold your baby/child?<br>
A: Well, "the doctor" said not to let people touch her or pick her up; she's been sick.
 

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I'm not rude to people who do this, but I will say, "Please don't touch my child without her permission." My daughter needs to know that her body and space are her own. As friendly and outgoing as she is, she does not like strangers touching her - who would?<br><br>
There was another thread on this somewhere, and the funniest answer I heard was to say to the person, "Wow, this is the most cheerful she's been since that bout of projectile vomiting this morning!" I wish I could remember who said that! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

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People need to keep their hands to themselves! My daughter is AA and people feel it is their right to touch her hair...Part of me just wants to smack them upside the head and tell to back off!!!
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;"><i>Originally posted by Amazlilith</i><br><b>People need to keep their hands to themselves! My daughter is AA and people feel it is their right to touch her hair...Part of me just wants to smack them upside the head and tell to back off!!!</b></td>
</tr></table></div>
completely <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/oops.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="oops">T ...what's "AA"?
 

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Amazalilith<br>
Is she biracial and they go on about it or is she AA and they are curious, off topic I know.<br><br>
My children are BR and some people straight out ask if they're mixed. I ask why do they ask and the reply is "well their hair" which(unfortunatly) putsmy panties in a bunch cause it makes it seem like an AA child can't have that kind of hair. And I am proof they can. But then they ask me what am I and I get upset all over again(on the inside).<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/oops.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="oops">T<br><br>
Sorry, Ot and bit of a rant had a bad experiance with this exact topic last night.
 

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She is not biracial...But my partner is white and I am mexican. We love putting her hair into pompoms and people think it just OK to touch it, because they want to feel it. Curiosity I guess, but it just pisses me off.<br><br>
And the other thing is the first thing they ask is is she adopted. She is, but what business is it of theirs....<br><br>
OH, I also went to a festival and was looking at a booth and turned around to find some women trying to give my daughter a drink from her cup!!!!! WTF!!!<br><br>
Why do they think these things are OK????!!!!!!<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/yikes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="EEK!"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/angry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="angry">
 

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Ah, the hair thing.. *sigh*<br><br>
That was my problem as a kid; long, curly, dark red hair and darker skin than most people with reddish hair aparently means "Yeah, go ahead and pet her like she's a puppy." <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/splat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="splat"><br><br>
My older niece wears "cocoa puffs" often. I think they're adorable, and now that she's 6 she gives people nasty looks when they try to touch them. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/clap.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="clap"> btw, Jeca, your kids are adorable! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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<b>I never touch other people's children...even before I had children of my own! I HATE it so much when it happens to my kids.I cringe for them.I remember being violated in that way during my pregnancies with total strangers coming up and rubbing or patting my stomach,so I know how they feel. And ITA with CK's MAMA about not knowing where they're hands have been.Gross!<br><br>
My DD will swat people's hands away with a look on her face like.."get your damn hands off me!".. She's 3.5 yrs old and she does NOT like it when people try to pinch her cheek or touch her hair.She has pretty long hair for her age and people will come up and say .."look at that long hair" and stroke her head or something and she's not shy about showing her disapproval,that's for sure!<br><br>
I have found that more people will ask if it's OK if they pet my dog then they will if it's OK to touch my child. I guess they actually ask about the dog because they're wondering if he bites...Hmmm...<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/idea.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="idea"> ...maybe that will be line I use the next time someone tries to "pet" one of my kids..."Uh Oh..Ya don't wanna do that...she's a biter!" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"><br><br>
~Barb~</b>
 
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