Mothering Forum banner

1 - 11 of 11 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,348 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
The hurt? After all these years how can this man still inflict hurt?<br><br>
When I was nearly 13, I was molested by my mom's boyfriend on two separate occasions before I told someone. He is also the biological father of my half-sister. This week, she decided she wanted to contact him. Which is fine...I'm sure she has her own issues to work out. But then she calls my mom and fills her in. He told my sister that "he didn't do it". That is was all lies. That he went to prison for nothing.<br><br>
How can he do that? How can he deny it after 20 years? All these feelings are rushing back. The humiliation, the panic. The images of those two nights, and another night where he tried, but I pretended to wake up.<br><br>
I told my sister that I have journals, and I have memories of being pulled into the principal's office to be grilled by investigators. There was one summer where the stress was too great and I called my grandmother crying and she flew me to her house for the summer. I am so upset, crying and hurting right now. How can it feel so fresh? I haven't given this much thought over the years, but then I've not had any contact with him, even if it is via my sister.<br><br>
I thought I was long past this. How can this be happening to me today? After all this time? I'm sorry for rambling. This post has just burst out of me today. I joined this forum a couple months ago to process this a little more, but I haven't brought myself to lurk or even post until now.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,128 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><br><br>
Is it near the "anniversary"? Even if it's not, just knowing your sister contacted him is enough to trigger you. as you probably know by now, triggers are sometimes so small you never even notice them.<br>
I don't have anything to say to make you feel better, but I can tell you that I go through this too-times of unbearable triggering for no reason. It sucks.<br><br>
We're here for you, mama.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
702 Posts
I know, for myself, I put the hard stuff in the back of my mind & don't really bring it out & deal with it until I'm faced with it.Hearing the news of his denials must be incredibly frustrating & difficult. It's like throwing salt in a still very real, very open wound. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">: I'm sorry you're going through so much pain right now.<br><br>
Shannon
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,348 Posts
Discussion Starter #5
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Rigama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8003563"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Is it near the "anniversary"?</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
I didn't think about it before, but, yes, it will be 20 years this September. Thanks for the kind words, everyone. I took a nap today and that helped me a lot.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,348 Posts
Discussion Starter #6
Yesterday the emotions came hurling back. I have never experienced flashbacks about anything in my life. But this has got to be what is going on. Every time I would close my eyes, all I could see were the two indidents, the almost incident and anything related to them. The nap helped yesterday, but I had a particularly rough evening with my kids and it came back with a crushing force. Dd1 is pulling me away....I'm sure I'll return with more thoughts at some point.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,877 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> We just never know what will set it off. Sometimes it can be a touch or just the thought of the person. I am sorry that it all came on top for you and maybe you should take to a therapist. There's no shame in it. I've sat in one of those chairs and it did feel good to sort it all out with an unbiased person. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,348 Posts
Discussion Starter #8
Oh, BMJ! I am just <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/ROTFLMAO.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rotflmao"> from seeing your username! Dh was puttering around singing "your a bad mama jama" and it drove me nuts! I told him to stop singing his made up song. He said "It's a real song!" and I didn't believe him. He had to prove it to me. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"> Anyway, thanks for the tip and for the smile, too.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,040 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,000 Posts
I think it is awful your sister wants a relationship with a monster. I would feel sick too. Hopefully she wont bring any more victims his way. I feel betrayed in a way when people I know try to defend my ex. Nobody says much about my being molested as a child but it makes me freak out just to have the guy who's dead now (thankgod) referred to. Someday maybe I'll say Do NOT EVER SAY HIS NAME AROUND ME.<br><br>
I think you'll feel better soon, but you have real reason for your feelings right now.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
3,138 Posts
i don't know if i think that the hurt ever goes away, but i do believe that it can lessen. part of my being here in this forum has to do with that hope - the prayer that if i can be part of a larger group of women that have experienced similar things that we can all send and receive a little bit of healing . . .<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 
1 - 11 of 11 Posts
Top