[Greensleeves]

w

 

[MamaPear]

First of all (((((hugs))))) to you Mama! I can relate to what you're going through. It's like we're supposed to feel sorry for these ff women and not even hint at breastfeeding. Whatever! I was told that I need to be more "compassionate" toward ff moms. Why? How compassionate are they shoving that bottle of cow's milk in their baby's mouth right in front of me?? Anyway...more ((((hugs))) to you. I'm sorry you have to go through this.

 

[djinneyah]

they say they feel 'persecuted'....what they're really feeling is guilt....a seed has been planted in their minds by the women who tell them bf'ing is better, and they're beginning to wonder if maybe they made a mistake....

but to make themselves feel better, they say they're being persecuted.

ETA: i'm talking about the mothers who *choose* to formula feed from the get-go, just so everyone knows.

 

[Mrs Dimples]

IKWYM...

I do think that SOME women who are formula- or bottle-feeding (since there is a difference for me

) are "persecuted" by nursing moms, but I think that this is hardly the normal order of things. It certainly doesn't sound like that os the case in your situation. I am sorry you have so little support in your choice, that is one of the greatest tragedies of mothering today in this society, IMO, is the lack of support from the other mothers around us, and the lack of family support and community support. It's no wonder, with the way the "recommendations" are changing every 5-10 years, every generation has a completely different idea of what the proper way to raise a baby is...

:

You sound like you are doing a great job, and of course you know that we are always here for you in spirit!

I have definitely been in your shoes, although there was no outright "criticism" for my choice, I was definitely thought to be a little off my rocker...:LOL

 

[Viola]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Greensleeves She is pg again and is allowed to talk about her formula choices and which bottle to use. But when I have a baby again I don't feel like I can talk about my quest for a better lactation consultant, or whether I might rent a hospital grade pump or use domperidone from day one. Because that would be persecuting her. I just don't get it.

It is freakin' annoying! Things like that have happened to me as well. I agree with Djinneyah.

 

[loving-my-babies]

it's guilt. deep down, they can't deny the biological need as a woman and a mother to breastfeed. They can try to hide from it, but it'll ALWAYS be there.

 

[velcromom]

I totally agree, it makes no sense that a person can claim to feel persecuted when a majority of society supports their postion. I'm sure they feel bad but it isn't coming from outside themselves as they believe. I always repeat this definition when this comes up: Guilt is what you feel when your actions conflict with your values. I brought that up in a discussion about formula recently and interestingly, the conversation immediately turned to a few moms arguing about free formula from WIC. Not one of the ff-by-choice moms wants to admit to feeling guilt and if they did would never accept that it comes from within.

It is hardly worth arguing with someone who admits to having negative feelings about ff, and is doing it anyway but blaming her feelings on "persecution". Most people don't want to look at their own values and hold their actions up against them to see how they compare. If a woman admits feeling guilty for ff by choice, that opens up a whole can of emotional worms she cannot deal with obviously or she wouldn't be blaming internal feelings on outside sources.

I say talk about your bf stuff as freely as the ff mom talks about bottles. Balance the issue a little. If a person feels bad about ff inside, they'll still feel bad whether you talk about bf or not.

 

[Greensleeves]

V

 

[Benji'sMom]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Greensleeves She told a story about being at the mall with her baby in the stroller drinking a bottle, and a woman talking to her and telling her how much better breastfeeding is, and SIL was so indignant and "persecuted" about it.

At least she never had a woman come up to her and tell her to go feed her baby in the public restroom!

:

 

[User101]

I've also heard the phrase "Guilt is anger turned inwards"
Annette

 

[soccerchic21]

Here is another big

I am sorry you don't have more support for the choices that you make for your children.

What does she say when she feels "persecuted" against? If she feels so strongly about her decisions and how breastfeeding is so gross and all of the things she told you then she should say that every time and back her decisions to people who "persecute" her.

I don't understand how stating facts ex:breastmilk is better than formula is "persecuting" someone.

 

[jeca]

I have often wondered about that myself. I hear people talking about trying to be giulted into breastfeeding. I'm, thinking by who? I can't count how many times someone has tried to guilt me into FF. I find it strange when someone says that they are made to feel bad for FF when I only know a handful of popel IRL that actually BF. I can literally count them on one hand.I think someone telling you how healtky BF is is not trying to persicute but ecucate, there's a diffreance.