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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
First off, I have been lurking here, and absorbing as much information as I can for the last little while - and I am just so completely impressed by you mamas. The advice here is awesome, so thank you <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"><br><br>
'k, the situation is this:<br><br>
dd is just over 11 mo and she love loves LOVES to vocalise! She has a handful of consistent words, but more than anything else she is really enjoying making sounds - really loud ones! Frankly, I love to hear it, and I have no problem with her doing this at all - if we are somewhere that people may be disturbed (i.e. church) I will get up and take her out for a while, and find something else for us to do. I am not shhhhhhhhh'ing her though...my thinking is that this is a skill that she has acquired, and that at this point it does not have any particular social or antisocial meaning.....also, she hears us talking and singing, the radio, and the animals so she is in a pretty rich environment.<br><br>
So,my problem is this:<br><br>
Dh feels that we should be trying to get her to stay quiet when we want her to - for example in the car when he is tired, or in a restaurant, or in church. Is this an appropriate boundary to set for her? If so, how on earth do we do it? The last thing we want to do is 'squish' her...<br><br>
Sorry this is such a long post....all your thoughts would be very much appreciated.
 

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My personal feeling is that trying to control an 11 month old's "vocalizing" is just going to end in frustration for everyone, and all of you are better off accepting it for now! IMO, its not worth the struggle it will cause to try to curb it.
 

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We did not shh them. However, I did let them know we have inside voices and outside voices. I always let them know that I love to hear what they have to say. But, in the house, it has to be an inside voice, and I would demonstrate that. If that want to be louder, they have to go outside. I try to go with them if they want me to hear them. Sometimes it is not possible, like when cooking, etc. At that time, I might open a window to hear them if feasible. It takes a while. You have to repeatedly remind them of the inside voice. Also, DH's idea of an outside voice is my idea of an inside voice. He can't tolerate them yelling, period. Drives me nuts.<br><br>
Anyway, when they are loud inside, I gently remind them that we have inside voices we have to use inside. (And, I am using that inside voice or even a little quieter to demonstrate.) I let them know that they can continue inside if they make their voice quieter or they may go outside.
 

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Teaching them there is indoor noise and outdoor noise is good. I think you leaving is the most respectful thing to do AT THIS AGE.<br><br>
As for stopping an 11 month of from vocalizing It just isn't going to happen.
 

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When a child can impact his/her surroundings or other people, it's time to step in and create some of those boundaries. Boundaries are a good thing, and the earlier you start, the better, because as that child grows, there will not be confusion as to why they were allowed before but are no longer...<br><br>
Example! Otherwise you may find yourself in the middle of a Steakhouse, with a screaming/singing child at 2 1/2 years of age who has no clue why mommy wants him/her to be quiet, it was always ok in public before... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"><br><br>
Sing in a park, sing at home in the backyard, sing in your bedroom, but there is a time and place for everything.
 

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I guess I start teaching my children boundries such as this from thier very first inclination toward it. Sure it may be cute now but it won't be cute when she is older and I don't think it is fair to change the rules as you go. Also this is something that can be very irritating to the people around you. So I never allow my children t scream and screech inside. But that sort of behavior annoys the crud out of me so i was more inclined to address it.<br><br>
So first you won't be squishing anything. the world has boundries and she needs to learn them. i think it is easier now when they aren't so atttched to certain behaviors and havn't seen what a response they get. Hopefuly your child is not so fragile that a few boundries will wreck them and stifle them. and by placing boundries on it also doesn't mean it is totally unacceptable. tyou can still indulge her desire to play with her voice just be consistant with where it is appropriate an where it is not.<br><br>
but how do you teach them. We do it in a playful way. when they are really into trying out thier voice we play copy cat games. say it loud, say it soft, say it on this note, on that note, say it high say it low, even before they can talk or make identifiable speech sounds we play this game. another thing I do is teach them the quiet sign. and I praise them when they cooperate. learning to cooperate in anyone area I feel encourages them to cooperate in more becaus ethey see the natrual rewards of mama being thiled that they did what i asked (and that is geniuinejoy when they cooperate ith a joyful heart) Consistancy wil be key. eventualy she will be invested in staying with the action. removin her from the resteraunt/party/room whatever will eventually get old for her and she will learn that if she wants to saty she neds to use a socialy acceptable voice. and really I wanted to re-emphasize how important it is to me that i don't change the rules for my children. I really do try to look ahead and then start as I mean to continue. I used to let them do whatever and restrict as it got old and then I realized how mean this was. it is easy to teach them right from the the start how to behave and then change to give them more fredom when you see they can handle it. So that is where I am coming from.
 

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I also wanted to add that if your dh thinks it is time to set a boundry here then it is. this isn't something I would go to war over with my dh. (of course this is coming fro someone who finds creeching children/teens/adults terribly annoying) But it is importnat to hear his voice and give him some say in what the boundries are and how they are laid out.
 

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I was going to post a fluffy thread a few days ago about how I love it when Simon (who is 14 months old) is very loud. Don't know why, but I enjoy listening to him bellow and make a lot of noise.<br><br>
Why should one always be quiet inside? I am more likely to let loose and be really loud at home than out in public. We aren't in a situation where loud noise at home would bother any neighbours or anything like that. I feel that it isn't hurting anything and that it is even helpful to him. I think being able to make a lot of noise can make young children feel powerful. Plus it is just downright fun and another way for him to test what he can do.<br><br>
What we're trying to teach him is that someTIMES are quiet times, rather than the indoor/outdoor thing. We're trying to teach him what "SSSSShhhhhh. Now it's time to be quiet" means, not that he has to stifle himself whenever he is indoors and can be loud outdoors. FWIW, I don't appreciate hearing children shreiking and screaming as loud as they can when they are outdoors, unless they are at a park or something similar to that. (Probably this isn't what was meant by outdoor voice.)<br><br>
Question: Do those who do the indoor voice policy play loud indoor games with your child? Almost every game I play with Simon is fairly loud. He likes this type of play the best, by far. I can't imagine never making silly loud noises indoors with him.<br><br>
Lots of contradictory advice here! I hope you find something that works for you! Maybe just not responding to her shrieks and getting her busy in other, quiet, activities when it wouldn't be appropriate for her to be loud would be the best way to deal with this now.
 

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I would be careful about taking a negative attitude with vocalizing because it will be their primary way of communicating and expressing themselves one day. But I also began the indoor v. outdoor voice probably around that age. Did it help? I'm not sure ds got it, but he doesn't yell at the top of his voice (at least not always) now, so maybe it has.
 

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good point Dal. we don't do inside and outside. becuase there are times we need to be quiet outside and times I can let the girls cut loose inside (and really a good song in the car is only a good song when bellowed) or wherever. but not all loud noises are create equally and teeching times when you need to be quiet is what we do rather than teaching places. I did say inside but we get loud and rowdy inside all the time. not inside resteraunts or chrch but in our home when it is appropriate. good point
 

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We're working on this one too. He's 17 months now, so I'm sure it will still be a long whil ebefore he really 'gets' it and is appropriate about it consistently :LOL What I do is just turn it into a game to redirect his efforts. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> For example, we were shopping yesterday. So we're in the store, he's riding int he cart, dancing to the music the store was playing and 'chatting' with me. All good, it's not like I expect silence. But hten he started getting super loud about it. SO I told him 'my goodness ds you are very loud! that hurts peoples ears to be so loud in a store. why don't we sing instead?' and then I started making noises for him to repeat. He likes to mimic us, so this is a fun game. I say 'la la lala la la LA' and he repeats it. We use different rythms, different sounds, etc.. try to get him to say words he's close to using. I alos tell him 'shh!' with my finger up in front of my mouth, and he mimics that. For him it's another fun sound to make. Tongue clicks, things like that.<br><br>
So I don't think it's necessarily too early to start showing her what's appropriate in different places/times, as long as it's just playful, redirection type stuff. And of course, they are still just babies and sometimes just need to let loose! In those times, we can just leave and go somewhere that loud energetic roughousing type play is appropriate so he can burn off some of that energy. I'm generally ok with noise levels maybe a tiny bit over what I'd expect from an adult. But if he reaches a volume that would irritate me form an adult, that's when I start actively trying to direct him to softer sounds.
 

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I have a 12 mo. I too love the loud vocalizations, and just leave if I need to.<br><br>
One thing I've tried successfully though: Smiling and laughing, then whispering back to him. Sometimes he thinks it's funny to start whispering too.
 

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I don't think it's a matter of boundaries, but of social cues. No, you can't really teach an 11 month old to lower her voice in certain places, but you can model lowering your voice and whispering when you go into, say, a library, and maybe talking with her about how the library is a place for soft voices... and in 6 months or a year she'll start picking up on it... toddlers love to imitate, so the more blatant you make your behavior, the more likely she is to follow suit...<br><br>
dar
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Thank you so much for all of the advice and suggestions! I think that we will try modelling the voices that we would like her to use and see if she enjoys mimicking us - that way we can provide her with the play that she really enjoys, but at the same time introduce the idea that different situations call for different behaviours. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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I didn't make it through the whole thread....but, what I have done with my dd is we play Loud and quiet. We will be all noisy and loud and playful making screachy loud sounds, then we do it all quietly.<br><br>
Pretty much, at this age, I leave if she is being too loud for the moment...but we are playing with the concepts of Loud and Quiet. Sometimes If I respond in a quiet whisper she tones it down...<br><br>
but she is just a babe still! I wouldn't worry too much about her being screachy and loud forever <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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My ds is 20 months and he has gone through several "phases" of liking to make loud noises - right now, we're in the "delighted squeal" stage and I have to say, I really enjoy it. Now, we're theatre people and musicians so we don't really have a problem with loud indoors, but if he's being inappropriately loud (which I don't really think he has been) I would either remove him from the situation or invite him to be quiet by setting the example, & distracting him with "something to do instead of squeal". Our church is very child friendly and nobody cares if kids make noise (this seems to shock most other church people, but kids are encouraged to be themselves at ours - as the priest puts it, it's their way to praise, and it's their house too) so it's never been of issue there. And we don't take him to restaurants that aren't "kid friendly."<br><br>
I don't ever mind a loud child (happy, sad, or mad). What bugs me are whining children. So maybe that's my equivalent of what loud is for you... when I'm trying to discourage that, I ask him to say whatever it was again, in his happy voice, and then (as long as it's reasonable) I respond very positively to the happy voice, but don't give him what he wants if he's whining. Again, my ds is 20 months so there's a different level of understanding there too.<br><br>
Sorry I'm so long winded, I've been thinking about this kind of thing a lot on the "whining" front, it drives me crazy.<br><br>
GL! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 
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