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Does this mean anything to you? -- UPDATE

1219 Views 24 Replies 18 Participants Last post by  crazydiamond
A friend of mine had her 5 child on the 26th. I got this message today.

"I am home but he is still in the NCIU! He should be able to come by this weekend! He is ok other than a little jaundice now.
He had Polyschnemia <~ sp those of you nurses know what I mean LOL. Since most of my friends are nurses! LOL He is still being given an IV and some antibiotics. He looks really good and weighs 7 lbs 15 oz and is 19 1/4 in long. .... Labor went fairly quick and when it was time to push he came out fast, they almost weren't ready! I told them I had to push! LOL I am just glad to have him here and am ready to bring him home! I will update you all when he gets leave the NCIU"

I wrote my congrats and this was the reply.

"I am not going to breast feed. It is better for him to not, so that is fine with me."

What is wrong with her baby boy? She bf all of her kids a little, not to give this one any really irks me.

I can't lecture her, she turns off. But maybe her friendship in several states away is worth risking to inform her that bfing is best and why.

Any suggestions? Does anyone know what she meant by Polyschnemia, she doesn't seem concerned so it can't be too serious?
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i googled that word, and nothing came up. it doesn't exist. the closest match was: polycythemia, which can occur in newborns, and it's a blood condition.

if polycythemia is what he had, i wonder why she would chose to formula feed? it still doesn't make sense. maybe she is using this as an excuse?

i would risk the freindship in order to inform her.

Originally Posted by scatterbrainedmom
i would risk the friendship too.

Never heard of it, I do know ped's tend to recommend ff jaundice babies but there is no reason breastmilk wouldn't be best for her babe. Maybe she's misinformed, you'd think being her 5th child she'd know better. Maybe it is just an excuse, and she doesn't have the desire to nurse again? I'd encourage her if at all possible.
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She wouldn't know better, she is typical brain washed mainstream mother -- military wife, lost 1st child, has 5 living, was going to go for the c/s no question b/c the OB said her baby was breech this time!!! All vaxed on sch at military hospital, oh and the 3 she had at the time all got CP (age 5, 4 and 3). She bf them all 'some' meaning never exclusively. But some is better than none IMO.

Honestly, we've known each other since '97 and she got mad at me when I was prego the first time and didn't answer phone calls or something stupid like that. I was tired, resting in bed most of the day... And well since she moved away we e-mail every once in a while and she hasn't given me her new phone number that she had changed sometime last year. So, I'm not really going to cry if she never talks to me again after I point out why bfing is important.

She is wanting to loose weight, but since she never exclusively bf she doesn't get the benefit and see results.

I already gave her an e-mail full of why breech is not best, never had a response to it all. I also gave her a link to maternal rights in labor so she would know she could refuse a c/s and still birth a breech. She's birthed 6 children, a butt first would not be a problem. She thought I was crazy to have a hb, well she'd probaby think I'm crazy nursing my 24 mo old as well.

She is lucky in 96 they "let" her birth her still born. I hear a lot of woman have c/s for that now.

Anyway, I'll be working on a nice, information, no emotion e-mail for her on bfing today.
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I just have to give you this information. Breastfeeding is a passion of mine b/c I couldn't breastfeed DS1 and cried a lot about it, still do on occasion. Like the orthodontics, DS1 is going through all this mess because his mouth developed around the bottle nipple and little pacifier, it narrowed his palate. When he is in pain from the braces, I cry b/c it's my doing in a way that I had no way to prevent b/c I didn't have the support or information I needed to get breastfeeding to work. I hope you understand where this e-mail comes from and do not take offense. I know you have breastfeed your children some and some is better than none, so I want to encourage you to think about breastfeeding DS some for his benefit and yours.

Exclusively breastfeeding burns between 500 to 700 extra calories per day.
Breast milk is always the right temperature for baby and is always ready when baby needs to be fed.
Breast milk is free, formula is about $12 per powdered can these days, liquid has always been more. Plus there is the bottle cost, washing water cost, etc.
Lazy moms breastfeed!!! I'm a lazy mom, after having to always have formula in the house, preparing the formula, making sure I had enough on a trip out, washing and washing bottles and nipples - breastfeeding was easy (even getting through those first 2 weeks). For me night nursing was the best, lay down, pop boob in mouth and go back to sleep for a few minutes, roll over and repeat - that is how I came to see the benefits of having baby sleep in our bed. I didn't have to get up, go to the kitchen, prepare the formula bottle, heat it up and then go back to feed a now screaming baby b/c it took too long.
[Cloth diaper is a lazy mom thing too, I don't ever worry if I have diapers to make it through to the next store visit - just do I need to do wash today. LOL]

Breastfeeding is good for every part of baby's body--from the brain to the diaper area. Here's a list:

Brain. Higher IQ in breastfed children. Cholesterol and other types of fat in human milk support the growth of nerve tissue.
Eyes. Visual acuity is higher in babies fed human milk.
Ears. Breastfed babies get fewer ear infections.
Mouth. Less need for orthodontics in children breastfed more than a year. Improved muscle development of face from suckling at the breast. Subtle changes in the taste of human milk prepare babies to accept a variety of solid foods.
Throat. Children who are breastfed are less likely to require tonsillectomies.
Respiratory system. Evidence shows that breastfed babies have fewer and less severe upper respiratory infections, less wheezing, less pneumonia and less influenza.
Heart and circulatory system. Evidence suggests that breastfed children may have lower cholesterol as adults. Heart rates are lower in breastfed infants.
Digestive system. Less diarrhea, fewer gastrointestinal infections in babies who are breastfeeding. Six months or more of exclusive breastfeeding reduces risk of food allergies. Also, less risk of Crohn's disease and ulcerative colitis in adulthood.
Immune system. Breastfed babies respond better to vaccinations. Human milk helps to mature baby's own immune system. Breastfeeding decreases the risk of childhood cancer.
Endocrine system. Reduced risk of getting diabetes.
Kidneys. With less salt and less protein, human milk is easier on a baby's kidneys.
Appendix. Children with acute appendicitis are less likely to have been breastfed.
Urinary tract. Fewer infections in breastfed infants.
Joints and muscles. Juvenile rheumatoid arthritis is less common in children who were breastfed.
Skin. Less allergic eczema in breastfed infants.
Growth. Breastfed babies are leaner at one year of age and less likely to be obese later in life.
Bowels. Less constipation. Stools of breastfed babies have a less-offensive odor.

How Breastfeeding Builds Brighter Brains
Breastfeeding Benefits from Top to Bottom
3 Little Known Benefits of Breastfeeding
7 Ways Breastfed Babies Become Healthier Adults
How Human Milk Protects Babies From Illness - Breastfed babies are healthier

7 Ways Breastfeeding Benefits Mothers - Promotes Emotional Health
Nutrient by Nutrient Why Breast is Best
Comparison of Human Milk and Formula
How Your Breasts Make and Deliver MILK

Human Milk for Human Baby - Cows Milk for Cow Babies (formula is derived from cow's milk usually)

Note on soy - Soy has phyto-estrogens (yes that is estrogen as in female hormone), these phyto estrogens act like our own female hormone when consumed. Simply put children should not consume large quantities of soy, especially boys.

I'm not sure why you think it would be better for DS not to breastfeed. It is rare that a baby would not benefit from some breastmilk. I know you love your little boys and I can't think of anything more precious than providing him with the comfort and warmth of body to body contact in early breastfeeding. Especially, since little DS had been in the NICU away from you and has missed constant mommy contact. If you need to take medications, as I know you have in the past for PPD, you can find a medication that would be safe to use while breastfeeding. I only had PPD with DS1 who was formula fed. Breastfeeding does help regulate your hormones to a certain degree, not all moms, but it did work wonders for me.

If it is a weight issue, exclusively breastfeeding while maintaining a modestly reduced calorie diet should do the trick nicely. My problem is I eat too much, if I could have limited my intake, I would have benefited from the 700 calories burned a day. I didn't gain any and I was eating like a horse!!! I also didn't exercise, still don't, but need to.

For me right now, there is nothing quite like the words "Mommy, mimi" (that's dd asking to be nursed). Yes, I'm one of those, nursing a 2 yr old now!!! LOL Her nursing into toddler hood has been very beneficial. The most notable instance was for the eye surgery she had. I was told she would come out of anesthesia screaming and be inconsolable for some time, as soon as I got to her she wanted to nurse and she calmed down right way. The doctor had never had experience with a child still nursing, but was remarkably impressed by how quickly she calmed down and was comforted. It was unclear if she would require another surgery, so I didn't want to wean her right away. Hearing her high pitched blood curdling screaming was horrible, I could not find her quickly enough! They had moved her baby doll, so it wasn't with her when she woke up, I was thinking that would help. It is still unclear if she will require another eye surgery, but if she weans soon that would be fine with me.

I am praying for DS's recovery from what ever it is that is going on (I googled the word you had, but came up blank). I hope he comes home soon to his loving family. I can't imagine how hard it must have been to go home without him.

Take care,
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This was the reply I got back:

"LOL I knew you would do that! I actually breastfed the boys until about 8-9 months until the started biting me! DD1 I stopped because it was better for us both for me to not breastfeed her on the zoloft and same for DS3. DS2 was actually breastfed and will probably have the same thing as my ds1, we just were warned from the dentist a few weeks ago. I know you are a breastfeeding activist LOL but like the pediatrician said we are not africa and I am not a bad mom for not wanting to breastfeed. There is too much negativity on ppl who do not want to breastfeed, would I like to? Yes, but I dont need anything to make me feel bad because I have chosen to not do so because I am looking out for his health and I guess being selfish that I would rather have my head straight and not go into post partum depression really bad like I know that I could do. It is not safe for him to be breastfed while I am taking the zoloft. Thanks for being a friend and thinking of me though. Hugs, "

Someone needs to shoot that pediatrician and who is out there saying PPD drugs are an absolute no, no while BFing?

It's a cop out and it ticks me off b/c she has done it successfully, even with her last child ds2. This is child number 5, only dd2 was not bf'd at all b/c of PPD drugs in 2000.
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We are not Africa? That's rather offensive. Or maybe I'm just sensitive because I got my first negative reaction to bfing today.
well you tried. that's all you can do. once people get it in their mind that they aren't going to, all the factual information in the world will not change their mind. I love pediatricians who make it so darn easy for moms to ff. The amount of zoloft that passes thru breastmilk is negligible. "It is not safe" to feed your child an inferior product. HUGZ. lol.

Originally Posted by Electra375
but like the pediatrician said we are not africa and I am not a bad mom for not wanting to breastfeed.
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I did try. I think what I wrote to her was from my heart and passion with factual information. I think I pulled some key issues to highlight for her b/c I know a few issues she has.
I can't compete with a DAMN Pediatrician who gives a mother a comment like that. Now she has 'medical advice and support' not to nurse!!!
I think it is criminal for a doctor to behave in such a way. Especially in light of the revised AAP breastfeeding guidelines.
I also can't turn someone from mainstream thinking, if they aren't the type -- and she isn't.
Why did your kids get CP, they got the vaccine? I don't know, they just did. Not one thought about the vaccine not being a good choice, probably does not know it is a choice.
Breastfeeding should not be a choice, unless there are sound medical reason not to breastfeed. Formula should be by prescription only. I bet when formula was first invented it was by prescription only -- anyone know? I bet a lot more pediatricians would have an IBCLC on staff if it were. That certainly would have helped me out -- I had no idea back then what a LC even was or that they existed.

I'd like to ask her to just bf for 3 wks once he gets home from the NICU, but I do believe it would be pointless.

This is one of the reasons I dislike most doctors, I've only met 3 I like in my lifetime.

And who knows she may sleep on it and change her mind. Or bring that darling little boy home and decide she can't deprive him. She likes boys more than girls (I hate to say it, but she does -- she loves her girls don't get me wrong, but she so wanted more boys), so that might move her decision. The two children she nursed to 8-9 mo were her boys. The second dd got no breast time.
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polycythemia could only mildly be worsening a temporary jaundice if the baby is getting antibodies to his own cells from the mother, this is usually mild and temporary. we are talking a few points of jaundice. perhaps the baby has extra red cells due to the antibody transfer during pregnancy and already breaking down the cells prior to birth so the extra were there on purpose and nothing a little phototherapy couldn't treat.

perhaps the mom just did not want to BF and is using some lame excuse not too. I sometimes encounter this at work, a mom says she is BF and then never does, rarely pumps etc. after a discussion sometimes you can find out why they really are acting that way. sometimes it is body issues, boyfriend or husband issues and the person isn't comfortable talking about it. People aren't always as ignorant as they let on, there is more to breastfeeding support than taking peoples excuses at face value.
She's bf before no problems, she just doesn't want to. For whatever reason she feels ff is easier and she felt that way while bfing. She is lazy and will admit to being lazy, so for her ff is easier (logically that makes no sense to me, I hate washing dishes), but to each their own.

I guess some mother's feel it is easier to wash a bottle, mix forumla, sit down and feed the baby verse sitting down and whippin' the ol' boob out.

I've said my peace. I don't live near by, actually some 1600 miles north of her. So, I don't have to watch. I'm sad for her baby.

And it looks like I might be getting down to see her this summer anyway, which is probably a good thing b/c my expression would likely show my distain.
Ugh- I love how the proven risks of formula feeding are somehow safer than the theoretical risks of baby getting some Zoloft through the milk.

I'm mad at her doctors for being so misinformed about drugs and human lactation!!
Actually, it IS safe to bf while on Zoloft (I'm on 100 mg./day). It is one of the safest PPD drugs for BF'ing. Either somebody somewhere is misinformed, or she just plain old doesn't want to bf. If she just doesn't want to BF she should just say so, she doesn't need to be spreading false information.
Anyone who uses "LOL" THAT many times in emails needs to be shot.
Electra375 you did a WONDERFUL job with your email and efforts at education. She is a saddly misinformed mainstream mama.

I've cut off a friendship with someone who supposedly believed in BFing, but cut her calories SO drastically that she was in the process of drying up when I last spoke to her. I told her she had to determine if her child's nourishment or her physical appearance was more important. She obviously chose her body because she didn't respond to that and then did a lot of sabotaging-type things (tried to mess up my surprise bday party!). Anyway... My point is, I guess, that I would totally fight for the baby and let go of the friend. Especially since it doesn't sound like you're too sad at the thought of the 'loss.'

Hope you feel good about all your future decisions with regard to this woman. I definitely think you should to this point!
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Good job... least you know you tried your best!! And WTH is up w/ that Africa comment?!?!
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It looks like she is looking for any excuse not to bf and she found one. I would write her back and tell her that if she doesn't want to bf despite knowing all the benefits that is her decision, but that you do not want her to use wrong information to justify it. Then tell her what is wrong with her reasoning. Did she just start taking the Zoloft days after the birth or was she on it in her pregnancy? It kills me when people use meds they took during pregnancy as a reason to not nurse. It makes no sense.

Originally Posted by 2Sweeties1Angel
Anyone who uses "LOL" THAT many times in emails needs to be shot.
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