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Dh is a student, I'm a SAMH/online student. I've been doing all the night stuff with the baby since he has to be around actual people and can't be tired, while my online professors don't care if I sit around in my sweats all day without a shower. :LOL<br><br>
Now that the break is coming up, I want him to start helping out at night. Andrea is up every hour and I thought if he did every other feeding, or tried to get her to sleep without eating, I could have 2-hour blocks of sleep. I feel this is only fair, but I don't know if it's worth it.<br><br>
He is really unpleasant to be around if he doesn't sleep all night. He's surly, he takes a long nap in the afternoon, and then he goes to bed really early at night (like 8 or 9) so we don't get much time together and the time we do get is not enjoyable. I am able to function somewhat better than he can. If I don't sleep, I'm the only one who is miserable; if he doesn't sleep, we both are.<br><br>
Sometimes I've wondered if he is acting that way to punish me for "making" him help out. He's assured me that's not what he's doing. We could potentially be in for a very unhappy vacation if he is going to be like this, but I think it's unreasonable to expect no help from him when neither of us have work or school. I think this is just part of being a parent and that both of us should be involved. I wish he could just drink some coffee the next day and be a nice guy, but it doesn't seem to work like that.<br><br>
Am I being unreasonable? Should I just deal with it myself, like I have been, and wait for her to start sleeping? Or is it normal for fathers to help out all they can and not take it out on the family?
 

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Boy, Greaseball, I can sooooooooo relate!!!!!!<br><br>
My DH works FT too, so our agreement was that I'd be the night parent. However, I think it's reasonable that on weekends, he helps out a little, or at least early in the morning on weekdays, when he wakes up for work (or school, in your case).<br><br>
Once, my DH replied this way to night-parenting, "Yeah, but that's YOUR job. I have mine (his job) and you have yours". I then replied, "Yeah, but you get a break from your job. Does this mean I never get a break? Am I the only parent in this house?"<br><br>
Admittedly, I was frustrated when I said this, but the point was made. Since baby was born, DH has not volunteered to help, so I've asked for his help. Yes, I wish he'd be more proactive (he needs his coffee and cigarette breaks also), but he's not. He does help when I ask.<br><br>
One day, I was so frustrated because my DS started night-waking every hour at 8mo. I just left the crying baby in bed with DH and went downstairs to sleep on the futon. DH got the message that I can't always do it myself and I need help. He had to deal with the baby without his coffee because I just couldn't cope anymore and needed rest. DH got the message. He rocked DS to sleep (took all of 10 minutes) and started to understand a little of what I've had to go thru for the last 8 months.<br><br>
Men in general seem to think that they are being responsive when their wives finally ask for help. They don't understand our frustration of why we have to ask in the first place!<br><br>
I didn't have a problem with night-parenting when baby napped. But now, since he is so active, I'm not guaranteed to get naps in with the boy, so I don't get to "catch up" on sleep. You may want to explain this to your DH also.<br><br>
My DH means well and he has been better at helping. Maybe you could suggest to your DH to get the baby in the morning, when he wakes, so you can get some extra shut-eye. Also, explain that you need rest also and can't always run on empty.<br><br>
Eventually, when I've lost all my marbles, the "dump and run" method has worked for me. Baby gets the attention he needs and daddy gets a not-so-subtle hint that mommy needs help. DH made fun of the 1st time I did it. I was so frustrated and angry that after placing the baby in the bed with daddy, I flailed my arms in the air. But, he has since been more understanding of his need to help every once in a while at night.<br><br>
HTH!
 

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Bloody DH's! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><br><br>
My DH is a GROUCH in the mornings when our DD wakes up - he keeps wanting to sleep some more. I don't get to lie in at all, not even for 10 minutes where as he usually gets 30mins to 3 hours!!!!!!!!!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:<br><br>
During the night, DD has always been taken care of by me - we cosleep so it was not a strain at all for me. There are times in the night that DD wakes up and rolls around looking for boob, sometimes DH is aware of it and he puts a hand on her to settle her and they both cuddle up and go back to sleep <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/heartbeat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="heartbeat"><br><br>
About the sleep thing and mornings though, DH IS <b>PERFECTLY CAPABLE</b> OF GETTING HIS HAIRY BUTT OUTTA BED AND SPENDING TIME WITH DD WHILE I GET MY RARE SLEEP IN...... <b>WITHOUT BEING A GROUCH OR WHINGING!</b><br><br>
It is a "want" thing in my opinion. You do this because you want to take care of your child and because you HAVE to. DH's don't HAVE to, and they do not WANT to! My DH does it when he wants to do something sweet or nice for me or if I beg him the night before for a sleep in, he is usually good about it. They are being childish and immature about this - they don't like to think they HAVE to do anything now that they are not teenagers in their mother's house anymore <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><br><br>
Talk to your DH about this ask him to do it for you maybe start off slow with 3 nights a week where he helps out 2 times each night or something like that and see if he is capable of that (I am sure he is!). I am tolerant of my DH's sleep-ins most of the time as he works very long hours but there are weeks where he doesn't have those kind of hours and I start to get narky : )
 

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Sorry mamas, sounds like tough times in the night!<br><br>
Dh has always been a helper with our babies--day, night, whenever. He is a FT student and works PT while I SAH. He also cooks and cleans about 30% of the time. When I mention he might be doing too much, he says that I need support, too, and that he is into each of us giving 100% to both our marriage and our parenting. The only thing *I* feel he lacks is he has a hard time playing with them for very long--he runs out of ideas after 10 minutes. Other than that (and that's not a huge awful thing) he is great.
 
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