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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Maybe she is just doing her job, but this is a woman I started seeing at 30 weeks pg and have continued to use as a regular gyno. Each time she has seen me, she asks if I have had any new sexual partners. She also doesn't refer to dh as "your husband" but instead calls him "the father of the baby" or "the same guy you were seeing last time."<br><br>
When I was pg the other doctors never asked about this sort of thing. Also, at one visit she asked where "the baby" was and I told her, "With her father" and she said, "Oh, so you found someone to take care of her?" My medical records state that I am married.<br><br>
So, is this normal? Maybe I should bring dh in with me sometime and she will see that I really do have a husband; I wasn't just making it up!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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I actually can't recall for certain. I can understand the medical reasoning behind asking about other partners, but the rest of it seems almost hostile. Does she think we concieve babies by ourselves? Is it her professional opinion that all women are sluts? It's very odd. I think it would bother me enough to address it with her.
 

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Greaseball, I'd be really offened. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/yikes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="EEK!"> I've never even been asked the new partners thing - not even by gynos when I was single in college. That's just such an assumption. Even if you can pass that off as medical the 'guy that knocked you up' attitude would be way, way too much for me. That's horrible. Personally I think I'd find a new gyno! Way too rude and unnecessary
 

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i was asked about new partners while i was in college. i can't recall if i have been by this midwife. i don't think so.<br>
she does sound like a bitch, but she may not even be reading your records where it says you are married. some people just don't pay attention. you should be snotty back to her and hold out your left hand and wave your ring at her.
 

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some doc stick the the rule that it's better to ask and not assume. Some docs have suggested to me that one can never be sure if your partner is monogamous even if you are...so you might want to still get some screening tests...or at least consider the issue. It can be offensive, I agree. But I'd rather they ask, I think that miss someone who might not think about these things, or offer the info to thier doc if they know about it. I think as a doc you see lots of crappy things...pregnant women getting syphilis from their nonmonogamous spouse (we have had an epidemic of syphilis in Baltimore a few years ago...)<br><br>
Or do you think she assumed you're not married because you're younger than her typical patient? I might mention you've notcied she's concerned about inquiring, ask he about it, assure her if there are any changes you'll tell her. And then ask her to remember you're married and plan on remaining so.
 

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My gyn sort of does this, too. I've been married for 10 years, and seeing him as a gyn for 3 (since becoming pregnant--he was my ob also). He is very aware that I am married, and has met my dh many times, but still asks "are you with the same sexual partner" at each yearly visit. He adds that he "has to ask"....just to be thorough I guess. It doesn't offend me when my gyn asks....but I think he phrases it a bit gentler than yours does! Also, he will then ask after my dh....just friendly stuff....so I know that he "believes" that I am married, lol!
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
The thing I don't get is if she's so concerned about my health, why doesn't she ask about cigarette smoking, alcohol and other drug use, domestic violence, etc. - all of which my records say have been past problems for me!<br><br>
The first time I saw her we went over the fact that I had quit smoking for the pg and she never asked about it again.
 

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IMO, it's normal and thorough for an OB/Gyn to ask about other sexual partners, even if the patient is married. However, the rest of what you said the doc does seems totally out of line and offensive. If you don't want to tell the person point blank to change their attitude, then I'd probably advise you to find another, more congenial doc.<br><br>
I, too, am concerned that the doc feels it appropriate to ask about "other sexual partners," but not about the other potential health issues you mentioned.<br><br>
Your doc appears to be prejudiced for some bizarre reason, and/or is simply not reading your chart (which is really sloppy).<br><br>
Ick.
 

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I think it is just standard practice at some clinics to ask whether you've had new sexual partners -- after all, lots of married people have sex with other people, either because they're having an affair or because they have an open marriage, or whatever. But referring to your husband as "the same guy you were seeing last time" and "Oh, so you found someone to take care of her?" sounds like either she is confusing you with someone else.<br><br>
If you really like her, it seems like it would be a simple enough matter to clear up, tell her she's mistaken and you would appreciate it if she would note in an obvious place in your chart that you are married and monogamous so she doesn't make the same mistake again. But if you don't feel a special attachment to her, I'd tell her that you are concerned about her sloppiness and/or assumptions and are seeking care elsewhere.
 

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I think it's a good idea for a gyne to ask about new partners even if you're married; in fact, I think it would be negligent not to.<br><br>
However, the attitude about "the same guy you were seeing last time" is rude. Whether or not you decide to stick w/this gyne, I think you should address this w/her because she may not be aware that it might offend people by implying that their relationships are casual. If she can't pay enough attention to remember whether you are married or not, she could at least refer to "your partner". Jeez. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rolleyes">:
 
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