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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
PMS when you are just FED UP with their actions?

DH has repetitive habits that I have brought up several times as they are happening (NOT in front of the children and NOT in front of others). I get tired of certain things happening in our home over and over again as though people can't seem to learn from their mistakes. EVERY time one specific issue gets brought up (Him NOT helping me with the children) he blames it on PMS. I don't get upset about this issue JUST during that time and I bring it up whenever it happens. I am NOT a stewing person. I usually tell him what's on my mind as it's happening because we can't fix it if we don't talk about it.

I shut down whenever he tries to blame my observations regarding the children on PMS and I begin crying because I don't feel respected. Then he teases me for being emotional and calls it whining. Keep in mind MIL is an emotional nagging basket case. I have often told him NOT to act as though I am his mother because we ALL know what she is like. I just can't seem to get it through to him that just because something is bugging doesn't mean I am PMSing or I am nagging or whining.
 

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Inform him (calmly, at a separate time) that he *never* gets to blame your actions on hormones, so stop that. He does not just get to decide that you are operating under temporary insanity.

It's just not a claim that someone can make and still be having a polite conversation. Ever. Not even if it's true (which it usually isn't).

Not sure what else to tell you...

Julia
 

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"This seems like a silly thing to be so upset about...you hormonin' or what?"
"No, I'm midcycle" (EYES OF DEATH)
"Oh, sh!t, I'm in even worse trouble now eh?"

So yeah, it happens. Not OFTEN, which would TICK ME OFF but he has done it. I'm afraid I can be pretty snarky myself and come back with "well THAT'S a pretty petty thing to say, are YOU under the moon or what?" or something similar.

It sounds like this is a hot button for you where it isn't necessarily for me. I mean, I do get irked, but I'm not going to break down crying over it (there are other things he could say that would elicit THAT response if he wanted it). Have you talked to him about this particular issue when you are not in mid-arguement? Just started a conversation about how much you dislike having your true emotions blamed on PMS, etc, etc.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Quote:
Have you talked to him about this particular issue when you are not in mid-arguement? Just started a conversation about how much you dislike having your true emotions blamed on PMS, etc, etc.
Actually? Yes, once or twice. It went nowhere because he feels that he has done NOTHING wrong. I have watched FIL and MIL when they are in this situation and FIL reacts pretty much the same way. Snide sarcastic comments flying this way and that.

Maybe what I should be asking is this..........
How do you break a pattern of treatment that has been modeled in front of a person since childhood?

Sometimes I guess you need to ask the right quesitons.
 

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You might try your own version to highlight how stupid his comment is. I'm thinking something like..

"There you go thinking with your dick again!" EVERY TIME he uses the "are you PMSing phrase"

It MIGHT make him think. US guys, need the stupidity driven out of us with repeated treatments.
 

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My dh never blames my craziness on PMS. but then neither do I. regardless of where my hormones are I do not allow myself to act poorly to him. if I am messed up by PMS I take some tylenol and go to bed. If I have a short fuse and treat him like crap I own my choices and apologize even if hormones may have shortened my fuse. pMS just means I have to be more on top of my emptions and more thoughtful in my expression of them.

so no, he never ever blames PMS but I have never allowed it to be an excuse therefore there is no room for him to say "you must be PMsing."

and I do get PMS pretty bad. it has gotten better since having children and improving my diet but still makes me a wreck some days. but I have never allowed pms or any other illness to dictate my actions. including my speach. SO if it is comeing out of my mouth he knows that for better or worse, I have chosen to say it and mean it, regardles sof what day of the month it is and regardles sof how crappy my hormones are making me feel.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by afishwithabike

Maybe what I should be asking is this..........
How do you break a pattern of treatment that has been modeled in front of a person since childhood?

You don't. HE does.

Now how to motivate him to do so, I don't know!
 

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I would just be upset if my husband were referring to me as the same as his mother.
I can't stand her and her attitude and at times he has compared me to her. I am nothing like her.
 
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