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How did I get here<br>
I don’t fucking understand<br>
This was not how it was supposed to be<br>
this is not what I had planned<br>
Divorce wasn’t an option, my family intact is what I would have<br>
The American dream, is that so much to ask<br>
But I just can’t stand the sight of him<br>
Every time I see him my skin crawls up my back<br>
And when he puts his hands on me, I just want to scream “back OFF”<br>
But he is so great with them, and boys need their Dad<br>
And he tells me if I leave, he is as just as good as gone<br>
How can I do that to them, break up their family home.<br>
When he plays with them, he is so patient and so kind<br>
everything my Dad was until that day that he was gone.<br>
How did this happen, just how can it be<br>
it doesn’t add up, what happened to our dream?<br>
My parents never fought, they didn’t even disagree<br>
Their Divorce was the “nicest” anyone had ever seen<br>
And some days are great, I am worshiped and adored<br>
He appreciates my light, the parts everyone else ignores<br>
but then the curtain drops and I am a sick, evil whore<br>
Sometimes he says it, and others he just glares<br>
Nothing I do or say is right, and he’ll stab me with his words<br>
I have learned to walk on eggshells, but somehow they always break on the floor<br>
but how can I leave, what will my boys say<br>
they love him so much, and he is only treating me this way<br>
It looks so good to others, they think I have it all<br>
Well that really is a lie, in truth the only ones who buy it, are the ones who pass right by<br>
Those who can “see” me and knew the me I was before<br>
see me withering away, my spirit crumpled on the floor<br>
When I was young I thought I could save him, make him whole just like me<br>
but there I go with another lie, for in reality<br>
I haven’t seen myself as whole since that cold October night when that stranger raped my skin<br>
That is why I chose this man here lying next to me<br>
He furthered my guilt, my shame and fear<br>
He never lets me forget, the horrible rag doll I became<br>
But Dammit, I see the look in his eyes, my little angel boy<br>
His big grey eyes are watching us, seeing just how a man should be<br>
He watches his Dad degrade his mom, treat her as though she is a dirty and wrong<br>
And there is no way in Hell I will let this cycle go on<br>
This madness ends, no matter what<br>
It stops here and now, my son will know the truth<br>
The mom who is beautiful, whole and strong<br>
Who deserves respect and is the Queen on her throne, a Goddess here and now<br>
Their Dad has his own journey, his own demons to heal<br>
I wish him well on his path in life, for he was once that angel boy<br><br>
who saw his Dad beat his mom, and when the beatings stopped,<br>
the abuse still went on, for many times the beatings only leave bruises on our soul<br>
But I am taking back my grace, my body, and my soul<br>
So my sons can see what Men they can be, warriors of light<br><br>
Brianna Eve
 

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Thank you for sharing that with us, I really liked it. You should also post it in the writer's forum, I'm sure the writer mamas would enjoy it too. Great writing!
 

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Brianna, you are on an amazing journey, and so much of what you said speaks to me (especially about not being whole, being a rag doll, etc.). It is truly amazing when you DO become whole again.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Jilian</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Thank you for sharing that with us, I really liked it. You should also post it in the writer's forum, I'm sure the writer mamas would enjoy it too. Great writing!</div>
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ITA, please come visit us there, post it in the WIP for March. (works in progress)
 
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