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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
How did I get here<br>
I don’t fucking understand<br>
This was not how it was supposed to be<br>
this is not what I had planned<br>
Divorce wasn’t an option, my family intact is what I would have<br>
The American dream, is that so much to ask<br>
But I just can’t stand the sight of him<br>
Every time I see him my skin crawls up my back<br>
And when he puts his hands on me, I just want to scream “back OFF”<br>
But he is so great with them, and boys need their Dad<br>
And he tells me if I leave, he is as just as good as gone<br>
How can I do that to them, break up their family home.<br>
When he plays with them, he is so patient and so kind<br>
everything my Dad was until that day that he was gone.<br>
How did this happen, just how can it be<br>
it doesn’t add up, what happened to our dream?<br>
My parents never fought, they didn’t even disagree<br>
Their Divorce was the “nicest” anyone had ever seen<br>
And some days are great, I am worshiped and adored<br>
He appreciates my light, the parts everyone else ignores<br>
but then the curtain drops and I am a sick, evil whore<br>
Sometimes he says it, and others he just glares<br>
Nothing I do or say is right, and he’ll stab me with his words<br>
I have learned to walk on eggshells, but somehow they always break on the floor<br>
but how can I leave, what will my boys say<br>
they love him so much, and he is only treating me this way<br>
It looks so good to others, they think I have it all<br>
Well that really is a lie, in truth the only ones who buy it, are the ones who pass right by<br>
Those who can “see” me and knew the me I was before<br>
see me withering away, my spirit crumpled on the floor<br>
When I was young I thought I could save him, make him whole just like me<br>
but there I go with another lie, for in reality<br>
I haven’t seen myself as whole since that cold October night when that stranger raped my skin<br>
That is why I chose this man here lying next to me<br>
He furthered my guilt, my shame and fear<br>
He never lets me forget, the horrible rag doll I became<br>
But Dammit, I see the look in his eyes, my little angel boy<br>
His big grey eyes are watching us, seeing just how a man should be<br>
He watches his Dad degrade his mom, treat her as though she is a dirty and wrong<br>
And there is no way in Hell I will let this cycle go on<br>
This madness ends, no matter what<br>
It stops here and now, my son will know the truth<br>
The mom who is beautiful, whole and strong<br>
Who deserves respect and is the Queen on her throne, a Goddess here and now<br>
Their Dad has his own journey, his own demons to heal<br>
I wish him well on his path in life, for he was once that angel boy<br><br>
who saw his Dad beat his mom, and when the beatings stopped,<br>
the abuse still went on, for many times the beatings only leave bruises on our soul<br>
But I am taking back my grace, my body, and my soul<br>
So my sons can see what Men they can be, warriors of light<br><br>
Brianna Eve

12,040 Posts
Thank you for sharing that with us, I really liked it. You should also post it in the writer's forum, I'm sure the writer mamas would enjoy it too. Great writing!

2,925 Posts
Brianna, you are on an amazing journey, and so much of what you said speaks to me (especially about not being whole, being a rag doll, etc.). It is truly amazing when you DO become whole again.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">

Premium Member
16,735 Posts
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Jilian</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Thank you for sharing that with us, I really liked it. You should also post it in the writer's forum, I'm sure the writer mamas would enjoy it too. Great writing!</div>
ITA, please come visit us there, post it in the WIP for March. (works in progress)
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